No Regard Recaps: A New Source of Clean Energy

One Game We Watched Last Night: Denver Nuggets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Nuggets: 114, Thunder: 104

This game is the answer the America's clean energy question. Watching Russ and Kenneth and Iggy and even Reggie Jackson blur across the floor like manic jaguars in fast forward presents an idea: Harness this energy to power cities. A Westbrook drive could heat a school for three days. A Faried offensive rebound and dunk could run a fleet of buses for a week. A JaVale goaltend could power one goaltending-powered joke machine for eternity.

If we want to get that highly coveted federal grant, though, somebody has to talk to Kevin Durant. In the fourth quarter, he was not being absurdly athletic and energetic (even though he is). He was being unfailingly polite. On most possessions, he stood behind the three line to the left of the key and called for the ball, which never came. On two consecutive possessions he calmly waved at Westbrook like someone who has run into a friend he is only sort of excited to see. Russell is too constantly hopped up on fury and Cheetos to notice such tepid pleas. Kev didn't get the ball. He is and will always be the most important piece of the Thunder's government proposal, so he needs to act like it.

Sure, this whole energy experiment has its risks (as Serge's bloodied head discovered on its own), but what revolution doesn't? A playoff series between these two teams would ween us of foreign oil in seven games.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Sacramento Kings

Clippers: 101, Kings: 116

Haha, ok. So happy the Kings didn't waste a 19-point, 7-assist game by Toney Douglas.

No Regard Recaps: Kobe-the-Point

One Game We Watched Last Night: Phoenix Suns vs. Los Angeles Lakers

Suns: 96, Lakers: 86


So many storylines to discuss from this basketball game: Kobe's new role on the Lakers as Kobe-the-Point, the Suns rocking their old-school threads and Steve Nash returning to his old ball club. For me, though, everything in the NBA is about Kobe-the-Point these days.

No Regard Recaps: All Is Love

One Game We Watched Last Night: Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Wolves: 99, Thunder: 93

The Timberwolves have become a team from the '80s that your dad would tell you about. The kind of story you'd listen to with disbelief and jealousy that you missed out on this crew by 15 years of existence.

"You would have loved watching Rubio."

"Yeah I bet," you would respond, irritated at having to hear this for the tenth time because yeah, obviously you would have loved watching Rubio.

"The passing was there like everyone says it was, but he was also a long, tough defender and this odd type of floor general. He had so much experience in his pocket, but was still so young—or at least always seemed young. He was goofy, but that silliness was only relevant because he was so skilled. And oh god the passes."

"Wow." You kind of hate this exercise in "you should have been there" NBA chat, but you also can't help but want to hear more.

"And this team just had a bunch of kind of mystical dudes. Love was as fun to watch rebound as anyone and his shot had such a low arc that you never thought it would go in but did. Peković was essentially a really well rolled D&D character. Brandon Roy was doing this really weird post-retirement comeback tour. You've never heard if JJ Barea, but he had energy and could heat up and somehow played a big role in a lot of important basketball games in his career. In fact, this whole team seemed to play up for big games. They were always worth the ticket price when they came to town. You had to head to the arena and check them out."

"That's cool," you say as you walk away, trying to play it all down. But you're bummed you never got a chance to see this team. They seemed great.

But lucky for us, we are watching them right now. And if we have kids who care at all about the NBA, they're going to have to sit through our drivel about Rubio and the gang. Oh well.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

Heat: 110, Mavs: 95

How much better is LeBron than anyone else in the NBA right now? Assume Durant is number two, which is the correct assumption. LeBron is what, five times as good as him? Then just think how much better he is than a lower tier all-star like Danny Granger. LeBron is probably 15 times as good as Danny Granger, right? Am I way off here? Any scientists want to weigh in here?

No Regard Recap: Four More Years!

One Team We Haven't Watched This Year: Boston Celtics

Record: 2-2

I refuse to bore you with the details of why I haven't been able to watch my favorite team, the Boston Celtics, this year. You've got the Internet: You're familiar with weather, democracy and whatever other dumb excuse I have for not keeping up with Rajon and the gang.

To make up for it, here's a summary of their season so far. I might not have watched the games, but like you, I've got the Internet and I've got some functioning eyeballs. 

No Regard Recaps: Potato Skins

One Game We Watched Last Night:  USA vs. Australia

Yanks: 119, Aussies: 86

I think Kobe heard the guy behind me at a T.G.I. Friday's in midtown Manhattan call him old.

Cause then he went off. Enough firepower to untuck his shirt. Not nothing.

And that was the story of the game. Or wait. Maybe the story of the game was Patty Mills doing his best Monta Ellis impression, but still falling short of a victory (so, actually, doing a pretty faithful Monta Ellis). No, the story may have really been LeBron's triple-double, first in Olympic history. Well, really, the story was probably the three-point-obsessed USA offense.

Sorry. My mistake. There was no story.

There's never been a story, at least throughout the entire 2012 Olympic campaign. Recently: The 2008 Games had the redemption plot. The 2010 FIBA World Championship team told a story about young players staking their claim of worthiness. But this 2012 team? They don't have anything and it's kind of boring. They are just so much more talented than the competition that they've rendered any discussion about them moot. The reason the Dream Team vs. The 2012 Team debate has enjoyed so much traction is that we have nothing else to talk about. This team's lack of bigs? Stop it.

We're forcing narrative and, in turn, forcing interest. Just because we've replaced one side with majesty and the other with nationalism, these games really aren't all that different from a Heat-Bobcats blowout in February. Except that they are on more televisions and only a few ticks away from a championship.

To get to the bathroom at the T.G.I. Friday's on Fifth Ave., I had to cut through some of the thickest malaise I've ever come across. These people had given up. Knives all around me cut through hardtack chicken with zombie determination. The condensation on over-sugared margaritas left rings of tears on the tabletops.

At its most base, we watch sports because we need something to fill the time. They distract us from tedious minutia, from unpleasant work, from crippling realities, from the fact that we're eating a Jack Daniel’s® Chicken Sandwich. The escapism is most effective when the narrative is strong, relatable, comforting. We gravitate to the underdog because that is perpetually us. A group of revolutionary minds upending social mores, a la Nelson or D'Antoni, excites us and gives us hope. Watching greatness gives us the optimism that Anything Is Possible.

But watching the Heat ruin the Bobcats? Just reminds us once again that the big guy always wins. And this Olympic team? Until we find a narrative string to lift us up, it's the same thing.

I left the T.G.I. Friday's and walked fast to distance myself as quickly as possible. It was still light out.

No Regard Recaps: Candace For President!

One Game We Watched Yesterday: USA vs. Turkey

Yanks: 89: Turkey: 58

If you aren't watching Candace Parker, then what exactly are you watching these Olympics? Team handball? Parker led the Americans in a rout with a team-leading three blocks, all of which were dope. 

Seriously, you watching archery? 

Team USA completely dominated a Turkey side that was apparently supposed to sort of challenge the reigning Gold-Winners. 

Parker, wife of NBA'er Mr. Candace Parker, bossed the paint for the Yanks and looked the part of LeBron on an early chase-down swat in transition. Candace can dunk, by the way. That's whats up.

You DVRing a lil' beach volleyball?

The Tennessee legend also contributed four big-time, Olympic-themed defensive boards. 

How's the badminton? 

One Game We Did Not Watch Yesterday: Fencing

You tell me how Fencing was.

No Regard Recap: Stealing Time From The Faulty Plan

One Game We Watched Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

I think LeBron James gets tired. Which is fine, I guess. He does spend all day either running around or thinking about exactly how he’s going to run around later or worrying that people who’ve never met him will say rude things about the ways in which he’s been running around recently. And then he lifts heavy weights until he’s ripped through most of his muscles—and there are so many muscles to rip through—so his body can rebuild those muscles better, bigger than before. He must have to consume so many calories each day just to stay awake, let alone perform at the absolute zenith of athletic capability for extended periods. So yes, I think LeBron James gets tired.

I’m not trying to make excuses for James’ occasional fourth quarter lapses, just looking for reasons. And I think this may be one of them. He tries to win the game early and sometimes this leaves him gassed in the fourth, leading to too many flat, dizzy Wade jumpers. LeBron has always looked most self-assured, most confident in every muscle twitch when his team’s up by like eight in the fourth. These situations are when he always seems to hit that dagger three—the same three that seems to elude him when the game is tied. Being the best player on the floor—on both sides of the ball—for three quarters is probably very draining. Obviously he’s not the first player forced to live with this burden, but he’s the player that I’m talking about right now. He’s also the player that looked a few breathes away from heaven after the 45-point master class that was game six against the Celtics. He gets tired is my point.

If this is really the problem—and there's a good chance it's not because what do I know—then what’s the solution? I say LeBron inverts his world view, stop worrying, and learn to value the fourth quarter more. If you asked him, I bet he'd say that all quarters are created equal. That's kind of true, but also, the fourth quarter is the last quarter, the only quarter where if you're winning at the end, you win the game. So it's a little more important.

The Thunder, during this playoff run at least, seem to have the opposite disposition. They are often slow to get going. But then they get going and it's a real problem for their opponent. They seem little concerned with double digit deficits, especially in that crazy building they play in. They're fine pacing themselves. Surely there will be a game in this series, perhaps even game two, in which the Heat carve out a differential that OKC is unable to scale. But for the first game at least, the Thunder's interpretation of the NBA's temporal construct was the better one. Let's see if LeBron can find the wrinkle in game two.

No Regard Recaps: Welcome Reminder

One Game We Watched Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics

Ten years ago yesterday, the U.S. Men’s National Soccer team completed one of its biggest and most epic victories of all time, a 3-2 nail-bitter in the World Cup over Portugal. It had everything—drama, brilliance, grittiness and, most importantly, it gave the fans hope. Hope that a team nobody expected to do anything ever on the big stage could hang with some of the top footballing nations. I watched that match, alone by myself, at 5:00 am. You better believe the silent fist-pumps and muted fuck yeahs were abundant.

Fast-forward exactly 10 years later to yesterday’s epic Boston Celtics win. While the two teams are not necessarily similar in their makeup (Celtics are grizzled vets while that USMNT outfit sported two up-and-comers named Landon Donovan and DeMarcus Beasely) the games certainly had a similar feel for me.

For starters, due to work, I was forced to watch yesterday’s game alone on the DVR, late into the wee hours of the morning. Yes, last night’s game was by accompanied by something I could not swing as a 16-year-old—two glasses of vodka (isn’t growing up great!)—but you better believe the evening was once again filled with silent fist-pumps and muted fuck yeahs.

My favorite play—Rondo’s tip-pass rebound to Mickael Peaches for an ice-cold, momentum-shifting trey—encouraged flashbacks of Brian McBride’s gutsy, game-winning, diving header. Here are two guys, with no regard for their own human life, sacrificing their bodies for the name on the front of their shirt.

We all become jaded when we get older—in terms of just about anything, really, but particularly as far as sports go. I mean, how many NBA games have we all watched over the years? How many soccer games have I wasted my time freaking out over? Here we go, another pick-and-roll, another corner kick. Every once in a while though, we are reminded why we care so much about people we have never met playing a silly game.

That reminder: hope. Hope that a group everyone cast off as too old, injured, slow and tired can still hang with the Heatles. Hope that another title is still possible. And hope that teams playing as teams are still critical in a star-driven league.

Last night’s game pumped me so full of hope I could barely sleep. The Celtics can do this again, as a unit, like it should be. This win was a fun as that soccer game was 10 years ago.

Thank you, sports.

No Regard Recaps: Heads Up, Heads Off

One Game We Watched Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls

Heat: 83 Bulls: 72

If Wade's elbow to the gut of Rip Hamilton didn't qualify Miami's desire to win a championship this season, then LBJ's bone-crunching, bicep-led pick certainly must have.

For the second time this calendar year, LeBron showcased just how much of an aberration he is when it comes to athleticism and the human race. And for the second time this season, John Lucas III was the subject of humiliation as a result. We all remember LeBron leap-frogging over an oblivious JL Three.

 

But after last night's game, watching that same man crumble to the floor, attempt to get up only to crash back down, and then sprint after James, I am convinced that this was the more satisfying and important LeBron moment. 

Sure, the dunk induced a serious spell of the giggles when I first witnessed the feat, but it was far from the first time LeBron James has walked on the moon. This was different: This was King James sending a message—legally, mind you—that he's the biggest, baddest, and most imposing basketball player in the world. He can out-pace and out-finesse opponents if he so pleases, but he's also got enough size to bring pain to whomever he pleases, whenever he pleases. 

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Detriot Pistons

Wolves: 91, Pistons: 80

JJ Barea netted 13 in the victory for the Wolves. Ricky Rubio did not play.

No Regard Recaps: A Dream Come True?

One Game We Watched This Weekend: Boston Celtics vs. Chicago Bulls

Celtics: 95 Bulls: 91

Rajon Rondo took advantage of a Rose-less Chicago, playing his best ball of the season and earning a triple-double en route to beating the first place Bulls. Rondo was in attack mode all afternoon, fast-breaking his way to easy points and assists throughout. With that boring recap out of the way, here are some of the topics my brother and I discussed while watching the game:

No Regard Recap: We Did It!

One Game We Watched Last Night: Boston Celtics vs. Orlando Magic

Celtics: 87, Magic: 56

In previewing this game, I practically dropped to my hands and knees and begged the Boston Celtics to create a video tribute honoring Big Baby's time as a Celtic. My favorite team's video department came through! The video was short, but it is the best video of all time.



The game itself was strange. The Cs were without established film actor Ray Allen and established commercial actor Rajon Rondo. Seemingly undermanned, the Celtics entrusted their point and shooting guard duties to Avery Bradley and Sasha Pavlovic respectively. They did not disappoint. Neither did Brandon "Big-Mouth Billy" Bass or Paul Pierce, who each dropped 19 in the victory. Pierce was as fit as he has been all season, playing the role of both facilitator and scorer.

Orlando's offensive was, simply stated, completely inept and only scored a scant 56 points. In his return, Big Baby shot 2-9 from the field, but was able to nab a respectable 11 rebounds. As a team, the Magic shot 26% from the field and could only manage 20 second half points. It was an ugly affair.

The story of the night, though, was of course the video tribute. It significantly over-shadowed the game. It was much celebrated by Glen Davis, the Magic (despite an abysmal performance), the Celtics and the entire NBA community.

One Game We Did Not Watch Last Night: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

Mavs: 93, Suns: 87

#FREESTEVENASH!

No Regard Finals Game Four Recap: Snapple Facts

Remember back in the day when you used to crush raspberry Snapples, sometimes three or four a day? Well, then, you probably also remember those wacky bottle caps that each had a "fact" written on the bottom of them. Sometimes outrageous, always hilarious, it was impossible to tell which of these "facts" were true and which were just plain silly. We've decided to present a list of our own Snapple "facts" based around last nights highly entertaining, dramatic game four.

No Regard Daily Recap: When the Circus Comes to Town

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

This is slightly awkward, but we've got to own up to our actions last night. Certain members of the No Regard staff took our talents to a Phish concert last night instead of watching game one of the NBA finals. I know what your thinking, "Wow, these guys are pretty selfish and fake." Possibly, but there is good news! We are going to recap the game anyway, without having watched it. Don't worry, we've done this before. And here, we, go...

*Looking at the box score I see some typical numbers and some surprising ones. No shock that LBJ dropped 24 on 9-16 shooting, however I still have not gotten used to his supremely accurate outside shooting. The days of forcing the King out on the perimeter to try and stop him are long gone.

*Speaking of which, this is his first NBA finals victory ever. I suspect it won't be his last. Just a weird feeling I'm getting.

*It pisses me off that Bosh got to the line 12 times. I expect more from Tyson Chandler.

*The Dallas bench can feel free to join the series whenever they see fit.

*I'm loving Bibby's +/- of -2, and 0-4 from the field in 14 minutes of play. Still starting though. Keep up the good work, Mike!

*The Dirkus Circus tore a ligament on one of the fingers on his left hand. I have no idea if this will have any affect on his game whatsoever.

*Some nice highlights, the D-Wade to Bron Bron alley-oop at the end of the fourth quarter was particularly tantalizing.

*According to Andrew Abides, every time Peja misses a three he ought to be benched. I agree with this perspective. When you can't defend the worst player in the D-League, you ought to at least do your one job.

*I hate all the, "Heat are definitely going to sweep" people out there. Can we let this series play out a little bit?

In Other NBA News...

*Shaq retired via twitter. You can bet your mortgage that we'll have more coverage on the Diesel. For now, cheers to a great basketball player and an even better man.

*Lakers hired Mike Brown. Good for him, but I feel terribly for Brian Shaw. He deserves his chance. Also, is Mike Brown even a good coach? I'm not convinced.

*Kevin McHale is the newest coach of Rockets. He was an awful GM and an amazing analyst. Using math, we can assume that he'll make an average coach.

No Regard Daily Recap: Strange but not a Stranger

One Game We Watched Last Night: Oh, you know.

Heat: 118 Cavs: 90

Will he throw the powder? He sure did.

Will fans throw stuff at him? No, and thank goodness.

Will he get a tribute video? No way, Jose.

Will Z get a tribute video? What would a Z tribute video look like anyway?

Will Z get booed? Not even close. Resounding applause. Very sweet.

How quickly into the game will Varajeo send LeBron to the floor? Not at all. Big hug pre-game. Very sweet.


Will LeBron's mother be in attendance? Don't think so. Can anyone confirm?

Will Bron drop 50? Not quite. But hell of a game.

What will the pre-game pleasantries between the two teams look like? Generally businesslike and unspectacular.

Will Mo Williams cry? Who?

Will LeBron smile once? ...


How many times will Dan Gilbert be shown on camera? Five by our count.

Will the actual game be any good to watch? Depends on whether or not you like torture porn.

Really, can you ever go home? Yes, you can. And when you get there, you can burn the house down.

No Regard Daily Recaps 11-4-2010

One Game We Watched Last Night: New York Knicks vs. Chicago Bulls


Knicks: 120 Bulls: 112

Twelve things I learned tonight:

Bulls:

• The Bulls are on TV every night. Even when they don't have a game.
  
• Derrick Rose may not be able to palm a basketball, but he can fly. Like through the air. Literally. No more than five seconds after I commented on Toney Douglas's defensive prowess did Rose blow by him, jump from a few feet away from the basket, shift in the air to avoid Gallo, and throw down a vicious two handed slam.

No Regard Daily Recaps 11-2-10

EndlessPat toasts Cartier Martin for sending his team into overtime.

So here's the thing: I was told to review what surely would have been a fascinating Orlando-New York game at The Garden tonight.

Unfortunately that game was called on account of asbestos.

No, I'm not kidding. Madison Square Garden was deemed an unsafe workplace for its hard-laboring employees, and I was told to shift my attention to the Lakers-Grizzlies matchup, which we all knew was going to be super lame.

I don't like playing by the rules, so instead, I decided to be a bit of a wild card, a free agent if you will, and decided to watch The Battle of Who Could Care Less: a showdown between the winless Wizards and the equally winless 76ers.

It turns out I am a genius. Here's why:

No Regard Daily Recaps: 11-1-10

One Game We Watched Last Night: Portland Trail Blazers Vs. Chicago Bulls

Portland: 98 Chicago: 110

Hot Deng! The story tonight was the African native and his scorching 40 points, which led Chicago in a dominating performance against the formerly undefeated Portland Trail Blazers. This game was never close. Rose was Rose and as usual stirred the drink for Chicago. Where was Roy? I propped him up big time in my preview and he didn't get it together. Here's everything else I thought about while watching this game (and my thoughts on one game I didn't watch).

No Regard Daily Recap: 10-28-10

One Game We Watched Last Night: Washington Wizards vs. Orlando Magic


I knew the Wizards' team dynamic would be a little bizarre to start the season, but this was worse than I expected. Flip Saunders needs to be concerned not only about his offense clicking on just about zero cylinders, but about how quickly it took for John Wall to become visibly frustrated by the situation. You could feel the star rookie’s pain every time he drove to the basket and saw no one else making a move. He wanted to create plays, but it seemed like no one else wanted to be a part of them, and when they did, they were settling for mid-range jumpers that rarely fell. There were a couple positives here for the Wizards: one, that Wall, while a bit shaky, showed glimpses of his ability to get to the basket against any defender; another, that JaVale McGee and Yi Jianlian actually looked like an imposing frontcourt duo several times toward the end of the second quarter. But overall, you have to wonder how long it’s going to take for this team to come together with any sort of fluidity, and how the return of Gilbert Arenas will help and/or complicate that process.

No Regard Daily Recap: Opening Night

One Game We Watched Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics


Heat: 80 Celtics: 88

I haven't checked yet, but my guess is that some people are overreacting about this game, in every way possible. Sure, the Heat's offense looked like it had been diagnosed with Asberger's Syndrome, but they'll figure it out. So instead of extrapolating what this performance may mean for the rest of the season, here are a few scattered thoughts about the game:

*Starting to think Rondo's refusal to dribble in the backcourt is not to conserve time, but energy before he creates landscapes on offense. It's like one of those attacks in Street Fighter where you have to hold the back arrow for two seconds before any other button combo.

*Chris Bosh doesn't set good picks.

*Spoelstra's strongest coaching came when he refused to call timeouts right after big plays (like that trailing Shaq dunk off the pass from Rondo). But that's about it for strong coaching. The talk about Riley taking over is going to keep getting louder.

*A fast break in late first quarter was snubbed because LeBron streaked to basket and Wade, et al couldn't run an efficient break. How could Wade look so bad all night? Did sitting out until tonight effect him so much that we are going to be forced to reconsider how important the preseason is?

*According to Craig Sager's report on Shaq bringing joy to the Celtics: "This is the happiest Kevin's been in years," says Mrs. Garnett. Awwww.

*LeBron needs a softer touch around the rim. Whether it's his "post game" or runners, he just has to get better at finishing between five and eight feet from the basket.

*Marquis Daniels had a few nice baskets, mostly the result of determined footwork. Nice change for someone who normally looks like he'd be surprised if you told him there was a game going on.

*It's insane clown posse how important James Jones is going to be to this team.

*Garnett covering House on the last inbound play was smart. Even with one of the fastest shots in the league, House was forced to pass thanks to Garnett's harassment.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Phoenix Suns vs. Portland Trailblazers


Phoenix: 92 Portland: 106

I told you Nicolas Batum was a thing: 26 minutes, 8 for 17 shooting, 3 for 8 from three-point range, 5 offensive rebounds, 11 total rebounds, 1 steal, 2 turnovers, and 19 points. Not sure what that all looked like, but he definitely played in an NBA regular season game. No one can say otherwise.