What The Playoffs Mean: The Playoffs Kinda Suck When Your Team Plays

The playoffs are the sacred text, broad and malleable enough to explain any point of view. They are the way players reach immortality, the way GMs keep their jobs for another year. They are the reason Courtney Lee, Trevor Ariza, JJ Barea and Derek Fisher are kind of close to household names. They are why they play the games and why we watch. But they also mean a lot more than this, which is why we are here. From now until the end of the finals, we'll be here, toiling away, trying to unpack exactly what makes these games so great, exactly What The Playoffs Mean.
 
Here's how I imagine a day in the life of a near-homeless heroin addict:

No Regard Recaps: A New Source of Clean Energy

One Game We Watched Last Night: Denver Nuggets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Nuggets: 114, Thunder: 104

This game is the answer the America's clean energy question. Watching Russ and Kenneth and Iggy and even Reggie Jackson blur across the floor like manic jaguars in fast forward presents an idea: Harness this energy to power cities. A Westbrook drive could heat a school for three days. A Faried offensive rebound and dunk could run a fleet of buses for a week. A JaVale goaltend could power one goaltending-powered joke machine for eternity.

If we want to get that highly coveted federal grant, though, somebody has to talk to Kevin Durant. In the fourth quarter, he was not being absurdly athletic and energetic (even though he is). He was being unfailingly polite. On most possessions, he stood behind the three line to the left of the key and called for the ball, which never came. On two consecutive possessions he calmly waved at Westbrook like someone who has run into a friend he is only sort of excited to see. Russell is too constantly hopped up on fury and Cheetos to notice such tepid pleas. Kev didn't get the ball. He is and will always be the most important piece of the Thunder's government proposal, so he needs to act like it.

Sure, this whole energy experiment has its risks (as Serge's bloodied head discovered on its own), but what revolution doesn't? A playoff series between these two teams would ween us of foreign oil in seven games.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Sacramento Kings

Clippers: 101, Kings: 116

Haha, ok. So happy the Kings didn't waste a 19-point, 7-assist game by Toney Douglas.

No Regard Previews: NBA Forever

One Game We Will Watch Tonight: Miami Heat vs. Memphis Grizzles

How could we not suggest that this is the game you watch tonight?

No Regard Recaps: All Is Love

One Game We Watched Last Night: Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Wolves: 99, Thunder: 93

The Timberwolves have become a team from the '80s that your dad would tell you about. The kind of story you'd listen to with disbelief and jealousy that you missed out on this crew by 15 years of existence.

"You would have loved watching Rubio."

"Yeah I bet," you would respond, irritated at having to hear this for the tenth time because yeah, obviously you would have loved watching Rubio.

"The passing was there like everyone says it was, but he was also a long, tough defender and this odd type of floor general. He had so much experience in his pocket, but was still so young—or at least always seemed young. He was goofy, but that silliness was only relevant because he was so skilled. And oh god the passes."

"Wow." You kind of hate this exercise in "you should have been there" NBA chat, but you also can't help but want to hear more.

"And this team just had a bunch of kind of mystical dudes. Love was as fun to watch rebound as anyone and his shot had such a low arc that you never thought it would go in but did. Peković was essentially a really well rolled D&D character. Brandon Roy was doing this really weird post-retirement comeback tour. You've never heard if JJ Barea, but he had energy and could heat up and somehow played a big role in a lot of important basketball games in his career. In fact, this whole team seemed to play up for big games. They were always worth the ticket price when they came to town. You had to head to the arena and check them out."

"That's cool," you say as you walk away, trying to play it all down. But you're bummed you never got a chance to see this team. They seemed great.

But lucky for us, we are watching them right now. And if we have kids who care at all about the NBA, they're going to have to sit through our drivel about Rubio and the gang. Oh well.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

Heat: 110, Mavs: 95

How much better is LeBron than anyone else in the NBA right now? Assume Durant is number two, which is the correct assumption. LeBron is what, five times as good as him? Then just think how much better he is than a lower tier all-star like Danny Granger. LeBron is probably 15 times as good as Danny Granger, right? Am I way off here? Any scientists want to weigh in here?

No Regard Presidential Previews: Oklahoma City Thunder (Teddy Roosevelt)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

“Believe you can and you're halfway there.” - Theodore Roosevelt

An irrepressible, trust-busting, 42-year-old Rough Rider took office upon the assassination of William McKinley. Believing in a policy of walking softly and carrying a big stick, President Theodore Roosevelt issued a corollary to the Monroe Doctrine intended to exercise international policy power whenever necessary. The world was officially on notice. 

The young, confident, occasionally belligerent Thunder came out of nowhere, have taken their lumps and are in this thing for the long haul. New challenges await in the west and a Finals return is not a given. Just as the original Bull Moose gave a 90 minute speech while bleeding through his shirt mere minutes after taking a bullet to the chest, Durant, Westbrook and Harden took to London shortly after their heartbreaking Finals loss and returned wearing gold (no thanks to their buddy Serge Ibaka, who took silver playing for Spain, despite being from the Republic of Congo, go figure). The Thunder are not scared of anything or anyone, and the return of Eric Maynor, as well as the absolute steal of Perry Jones, III in the draft could provide the additional firepower necessary to defeat the Lakers in what we can go ahead and assume will be an epic seven-game Western Conference Finals.

As one of only two current NBA contenders (the other being the Spurs) that was actually built through the draft, the Thunder provide a fascinating longitudinal study of what a team should look like when organically constructed. Durant, Westbrook, Harden and Ibaka have been together for three playoff runs of increasing length, and their ability to play together has improved noticeably each season. There is one final step left, but the road looks more difficult than ever. Will the rough riding Thunder break through the increasingly crowded field? Will Kevin Durant finally hoist a Podoloff trophy? Will Russell Westbrook stop dressing like his sole purpose is to confuse old people? (No, he probably won't.) 

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Pikachu

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Are Durant and Westbrook on the Same Page?"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "James Harden Shaves Beard, Visits Orthodontist"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "My, you fellas have certainly grown."

No Regard Recap: Stealing Time From The Faulty Plan

One Game We Watched Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

I think LeBron James gets tired. Which is fine, I guess. He does spend all day either running around or thinking about exactly how he’s going to run around later or worrying that people who’ve never met him will say rude things about the ways in which he’s been running around recently. And then he lifts heavy weights until he’s ripped through most of his muscles—and there are so many muscles to rip through—so his body can rebuild those muscles better, bigger than before. He must have to consume so many calories each day just to stay awake, let alone perform at the absolute zenith of athletic capability for extended periods. So yes, I think LeBron James gets tired.

I’m not trying to make excuses for James’ occasional fourth quarter lapses, just looking for reasons. And I think this may be one of them. He tries to win the game early and sometimes this leaves him gassed in the fourth, leading to too many flat, dizzy Wade jumpers. LeBron has always looked most self-assured, most confident in every muscle twitch when his team’s up by like eight in the fourth. These situations are when he always seems to hit that dagger three—the same three that seems to elude him when the game is tied. Being the best player on the floor—on both sides of the ball—for three quarters is probably very draining. Obviously he’s not the first player forced to live with this burden, but he’s the player that I’m talking about right now. He’s also the player that looked a few breathes away from heaven after the 45-point master class that was game six against the Celtics. He gets tired is my point.

If this is really the problem—and there's a good chance it's not because what do I know—then what’s the solution? I say LeBron inverts his world view, stop worrying, and learn to value the fourth quarter more. If you asked him, I bet he'd say that all quarters are created equal. That's kind of true, but also, the fourth quarter is the last quarter, the only quarter where if you're winning at the end, you win the game. So it's a little more important.

The Thunder, during this playoff run at least, seem to have the opposite disposition. They are often slow to get going. But then they get going and it's a real problem for their opponent. They seem little concerned with double digit deficits, especially in that crazy building they play in. They're fine pacing themselves. Surely there will be a game in this series, perhaps even game two, in which the Heat carve out a differential that OKC is unable to scale. But for the first game at least, the Thunder's interpretation of the NBA's temporal construct was the better one. Let's see if LeBron can find the wrinkle in game two.

Question Of The Day: Kendrick Perkins

Who is Perk rooting for tonight?

Does he want a shot at the team that traded him? Or would he rather not have to deal with the emotional baggage that comes with playing against Rondo and the guys? Or is he the type to ignore narrative altogether and just worry about actual basketball?

Question of the Day

After a devastating game four loss, in which the young folks from OKC crumbled at the hands of the massive German Gentleman, the Thunder face elimination tonight. If they lose, like everyone kind of thinks they will, will this franchise recover and make it back to the Western finals next year? Or will the hangover from this collapse carryover to an unproductive season and haunt these guys for years to come?

If This Is What The Rapture Looks Like...

... then I don't think there's much to worry about.

No Regard Daily Recap: Broken Promises, Happy Surprises

One Game We Watched Last Night Even Though We Told You We'd Watch Something Else: Oklahoma City Thunder vs. New Jersey Nets

Thunder: 123, Nets: 120 (3OT)

I was honestly excited for the Grizzlies-Hawks game. When Adam said those sorts of games are pretty much what we're about, I nodded silently but vigorously in my cubicle. Unfortunately, I didn't watch one second of said matchup. I was too busy detoxing in the Nets-Thunder triple overtime holistic sauna.

No Regard Daily Recap: Can There Really Be Only One?



Yeah, I know that's not Chris Paul on the far right, but 3/4s ain't bad.

One Game We Watched Last Night: New Orleans Hornets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Hornets: 89, Thunder: 95

And One Game We Couldn't Help But Watch For A Bit Because The Point Guards Are So Good: Milwaukee Bucks vs. Utah Jazz

Bucks: 88, Jazz: 109


Point guards are really all that matter anymore. We've known this for some time now, but every night in the 2010-2011 NBA season is a blinding reminder. When I look at the schedule each afternoon, it reads not as a collection of teams, but a table of point guards. That's why I was surprised yesterday when Adam picked the Utah-Milwaukee contest as the game we probably wouldn't watch. But that's Brandon Jennings against Deron Williams! I thought to myself. Then I read what Adam actually wrote, only to hear that the Bucks would be decimated by injury, surely leading to them start at least one dude who has no business in a starting line-up (that turned out to be Larry Sanders), and giving relatively big minutes to someone I've never heard of (a person named Jon Brockman played 19 minutes). Still, I couldn't help peeking in a few times to see the two guards hopscotch with one another—and to make sure Deron Williams' hair still looked like it came from The Fifth Element future.

The game I did watch from start to finish, though, was a point guard game of chicken. The quickest way to say it is that Russell Westbrook outplayed Chris Paul (not to mention his own teammate Kevin Durant) in the fourth quarter, positioning his team for the win.

The longer way to explain what happened is that the NBA has turned into Highlander for the league's best point guards. Each night the top guys try to decapitate whichever guard stands in their way, with the eventual goal of being the final immortal standing. Guys who would have done damage in years past—Jameer Nelson, Raymond Felton, and even Tyreke Evans after what Derrick Rose did to him the other night—look like they've never held a blade before. The 2010-2011 season is the time of The Gathering, folks.

You can tell Chris Paul is not pleased with any of this. He thought he's lobbed off enough heads a few years ago to be considered number one, but an ungodly influx of young new point guards has forced him to polish his blade and start slicing. (Interestingly enough, his sword kind of looks like a huge knee brace now.) Last night his craftiness was one quarter away from besting Westbrook's athleticism, but Westbrook took over in the fourth. No one man should have all that power those Cheetos.

No Regard Daily Preview: Starry West

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: New Orleans Hornets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder


When the season began, these two teams were in very different positions. The Thunder were the darlings of the basketball media and expectations were higher than for any team in the West that doesn't include Kobe Bryant. And while they haven't been bad, per se, their early season performance has been overshadowed by, among other teams, the New Orleans Hornets, who won their first eight games and 12 of their first 13. The Hornets have struggled a bit of late, losing to the shit-hot Spurs and Jazz and the shit Clippers. Tonight is a chance for the Hornets to get back on track and the Thunder to remind everyone that they're still the most exciting team that side of the Mississippi. This could be a preview of what would surely be a second round playoff match-up for the ages.


One Game We Probably Won't Watch Tonight: Milwaukee Bucks vs. Utah Jazz


The Bucks look to be shorthanded for a game that already seemed unlikely to go in their favor. With Carlos Delfino out and Andrew Bogut, Corey Maggette, and Drew Gooden all questionable, the Deer will be relying heavily on Brandon Jennings, who will be kept quite busy by Deron Williams. The Jazz have won five in a row. Don't look for that streak to come close to ending tonight. As a matter of fact, we're not going to look at all.

No Regard Daily Previews: 11-17-2010

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Houston Rockets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder


We are a few weeks into the season and have barely written about the Thunder, the team we spent all summer championing until our throats were sore. We even picked them to win the Western Conference. So a fair question is, "Wha' happened?!"

The simplest answer is, "The Minnesota Timberwolves became our spirit animal." The long answer would get boring, so let's just leave it at that and say we're sorry. The road to recovery starts tonight, when we watch the team we crushed so hard on for the better part of this year play the Rockets.

"Why the Rockets?" you ask. I just like them. But I know this shoudn't be a close game. The Rockets are venturing into the loudest arena in the NBA without their starting point guard and starting center. Those two absences would kill their chances in a tug of war or egg spoon race, and pretty much do the same for tonight's basketball exhibition. But the Rockets have pulled off wins against much steeper odds in the past few years (including most of those during their 22-game winning streak back in 2008). Regardless, I think Luis Scola's hair is nice and I'm excited to watch rookie Ishmael Smith. I've never seen so much as a picture of the guy, but dude's name just sounds fast.

Also, no matter what happens in the game, tomorrow morning I'm going to run the headline, "Houston, We Have a Dog!". And that's as fair a reason as any I can think of to watch a basketball game.

One Game We Probably Won't Watch Tonight: Los Angeles Lakers vs. Detroit Pistons


If we want to see innocent people get ruined by ruthless killers tonight, we'll watch Hotel Rwanda. At least that has a sort of hopeful ending.

No Regard Daily Preview: 11-4-10

One Game We Are Definitely Going to Watch Tonight: New York Knicks vs. Chicago Bulls

For years, New York and Chicago have fought over the right to the title of Best Pizza City in America. Both sides have their loyalists, and in many ways, it purely comes down to a matter of personal preference. Tonight’s matchup in Chicago is oddly similar to this age-old clash between New York and Chi City pies. Think about it:

The New Big Three?

Kelly Dwyer raises a very good point about the cover of Sports Illustrated's NBA preview issue:


Weird, right?! If I had to guess, I'd say that Russell Westbrook was busy studying up on Obama's tax policy and James Harden was combing his beard.

Love the cover nonetheless.

Weekend Edition: Nenad Jailed, Thunder Sound Off

Oklahoma City Thunder Center Nenad Krstic, generally known for his jumpshot and aversion to physical contact, spent last night in jail after throwing a chair in a brawl that erupted during an international game between Serbia and Greece.

The Thunder met their demise this post season due to their lack of a true big man. Krstic's tenure with the Thunder has been regarded as a stopgap, a space-filler until the team can develop one of their young Centers. We've offered a few ideas for them, but so far none have taken. So at 8.4 points and 5 rebounds per game, Nenad Krstic remains their man. A Krstic suspension could spell bad news for the young guns of OKC. The Thunder have plenty to say about Nenad's brawl. Here are some highlights:

Team Dreamin' 2011: THUNDER

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

The Thunder found near-immediate success settling into Oklahoma City; that which can't be credited directly to Kevin Durant's instant superstardom certainly goes to a young bench teeming with raw talent.

Watching a Thunder game this season guarantees three things:

1) KD and Russell Westbrook continuing to blossom before your eyes.

2) A host of rising stars jockeying to position themselves around Kid Delish and Jet Zero.

3) A gargantuan and vacuous black hole at the 5-spot, a position the front office seems intent to never actually fill.

The Thunder need more guards like Peyton Manning needs another endorsement deal. Ignoring the need for big men troubled them all season. Surrendering the paint buried them in the playoffs. Do we have ideas for them? Of course we do.

Consider the above photo. Pick out who is the most bored and who is the craftiest guy there. Easy, right? Bored goes to Nick Collison (Lower Left, Napping). Craftiest goes to James Harden (Top Back Right, Suit).

James, Nick, can you guys come over here for a second? Hey fellas, have you ever seen Freak the Mighty?

Perfect. Here’s what we’re gonna do…