No Regard Recaps: All Is Love

One Game We Watched Last Night: Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Wolves: 99, Thunder: 93

The Timberwolves have become a team from the '80s that your dad would tell you about. The kind of story you'd listen to with disbelief and jealousy that you missed out on this crew by 15 years of existence.

"You would have loved watching Rubio."

"Yeah I bet," you would respond, irritated at having to hear this for the tenth time because yeah, obviously you would have loved watching Rubio.

"The passing was there like everyone says it was, but he was also a long, tough defender and this odd type of floor general. He had so much experience in his pocket, but was still so young—or at least always seemed young. He was goofy, but that silliness was only relevant because he was so skilled. And oh god the passes."

"Wow." You kind of hate this exercise in "you should have been there" NBA chat, but you also can't help but want to hear more.

"And this team just had a bunch of kind of mystical dudes. Love was as fun to watch rebound as anyone and his shot had such a low arc that you never thought it would go in but did. Peković was essentially a really well rolled D&D character. Brandon Roy was doing this really weird post-retirement comeback tour. You've never heard if JJ Barea, but he had energy and could heat up and somehow played a big role in a lot of important basketball games in his career. In fact, this whole team seemed to play up for big games. They were always worth the ticket price when they came to town. You had to head to the arena and check them out."

"That's cool," you say as you walk away, trying to play it all down. But you're bummed you never got a chance to see this team. They seemed great.

But lucky for us, we are watching them right now. And if we have kids who care at all about the NBA, they're going to have to sit through our drivel about Rubio and the gang. Oh well.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

Heat: 110, Mavs: 95

How much better is LeBron than anyone else in the NBA right now? Assume Durant is number two, which is the correct assumption. LeBron is what, five times as good as him? Then just think how much better he is than a lower tier all-star like Danny Granger. LeBron is probably 15 times as good as Danny Granger, right? Am I way off here? Any scientists want to weigh in here?

No Regard Presidential Previews: Minnesota Timberwolves (Chester Arthur)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

"Good ballplayers make good citizens." - Chester A. Arthur

When Chester A. Arthur took office in 1881, people were expecting disappointment. As the successor to the assassinated James Garfield, Arthur was seen as a product of the New York political machine, someone who would bring corruption and backdoor dealings to the White House. On top of that, Arthur's health was fragile; he was diagnosed with a kidney disease shortly after assuming the job. All in all, things didn't look promising.

But four years later, when he left office, Arthur had cemented himself as perhaps one of the most likable and level-headed presidents in U.S. history. He enacted civil service reform laws to put and end to the spoils system. He pushed Congress to roll back their Chinese exclusion immigration bill, which was a really dickish bill. He also fought a dickish Congress and Supreme Court on several anti-Black measures. Through all this, he worked hard to compromise with opposing Democrats while standing up for his beliefs. Like Obama, he was unable to pass all the liberal measures he desired to, because politics is a pain in the ass, but he was simply way more effective and honorable than just about anybody thought he would be. He ended his term as a resounding success.

Now I could tell you some of the ways in which the Minnesota Timberwolves align with the Chester Arthur I've talked about above (fine, I will): they and their fans are gearing up for disappointment, largely due to the health concerns of Kevin Love and Ricky Rubio (the latter much longer-term); they certainly don't want to limit immigration; they will likely perform better than most people think they will—despite the injuries, there are some nice new pieces like Andrei "Back in America" Kirilenko, Brandon Roy, and Chase "Puffy" Budinger, as well as some solid frontcourt returns in Greg Stiemsma, Derrick Williams and Nikola Pekovic.  This is a team that will, I believe, leave us saying "Hey, that wasn't so bad!" at the end of the season.

Those things are not really the meat of this comparison, though. The meat of this comparison is that Chester A. Arthur is simply the presidential spirit animal of the Timberwolves, with their goofy, quasi-hippie bro of a star player in Love and their overall quirkiness. Here are some things you should know about Arthur that are arguably more important than any of his actual policies:

• He had AMAZING facial hair
• Once, when he was feeling sick, he decided to take a two-week restorative vacation to Yellowstone, where he probably did opium or something I bet
• He played the banjo(!)

Just tell me he wouldn't have a good time with this guy:

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers:

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Machop

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "The Minnesota Timberwolves Have a Lot of White Players"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Mike Love Names Kevin Love as the Sole New Beach Boys Member"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "You guys wanna jam?"

The Timberwolves are Comedy Gold

Watch out, Tina Fey. Next year's race for the Mark Twain Prize for Humor just got a little bit taller.

I would never betray the Knicks, but all I'm saying is that when I see the 'Wolves visit the Garden on December 6, I won't exactly be rooting against anyone. Love these guys.

Via BDL via Timberwolves official site

No Regard Daily Recaps: Weekend Edition

One Game We Didn't Watch This Weekend:
New York Knicks Vs. Minnesota Timberwolves

Wolves: 112 Knicks: 103

Kevin Love's 31 rebounds and 31 points Friday night marked the first time since 1982 that an NBA player recorded at least thirty boards and thirty points in the same game. For some perspective on this accomplishment, here are some fun facts about 1982:

No Regard Recap: 11-9-2010

One Game We Watched Last Night: Cleveland Cavaliers vs. New Jersey Nets

Cavs: 93 Nets: 91

The 2010-2011 Cavs are like kids whose father has died, but their mother doesn't think they're old enough to hear the truth yet.

"Your father," coach Byron Scott manages to say in a low voice, struggling to stay audible through a mask of dried tears, "had to go on a business trip."

"When will he be back?" quizzes Anderson Varejao.

"Not for a while."

No Regard Daily Previews: 10-27-10

Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Chicago Bulls Vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

There is a lot on the line for the NBA's new golden boy, Kevin Durant, this season. He's been the recent recipient of some serious praise by fans and experts alike, as many believe that Durant will not only repeat as the NBA's leading scorer, but will also be the league's MVP. After watching his effort this summer, I'm inclined to agree with these arguments. Durant's the real deal Holyfield. And he's got the work ethic and attitude to dominate this year and beyond. I'll be a kid in a candy shop tonight getting my first look at him in an OKC uniform since losing to LA in six last year.

Team Dreamin' 2011: Minnesota Timberwolves

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

If there was one thing I loved about being home sick from school when I was a kid, it was watching some kind of trick shot competition on ESPN2—pool, bowling, didn’t matter—it was all awesome. Okay, I also really liked watching Lifetime Original Movies when I was home sick, but you can only sit through Fifteen and Pregnant (starring Kirsten Dunst) so many times.

But back to trick shots. The Timberwolves haven’t been to the playoffs in over five years, and they don't have much of a chance to make it this year, but what they do have is Kevin Love. And if there is one thing he is good at, it is trick shots.

Anyone watching videos of Kevin Love sinking outrageous shots (like these) can see that he would be a beast of an opponent in H-O-R-S-E. So here’s my proposal: To keep things interesting, I say at Minnesota home games they get rid of free-throws and replace them with a round of H-O-R-S-E starring Kevin Love.

What I’m proposing here is not just a normal game of H-O-R-S-E, it’s more like H-O-R-S-E combined with the Daily Double from "Jeopardy" and also some old school, "Rock 'N' Jock" style awesomeness. Here’s how it would work:

Love Love

Two Questions:

1. Can somebody please give Kevin Love more playing time?

2. Can we get the announcer in this video to do play-by-play for the Timberwolves?

FIBA World Championships: 5 Things We'll Miss

The 2010 FIBA World Basketball Championship was the "Freaks and Geeks" of international basketball tournaments. Each time I tuned in, it felt like I was one of about a dozen people watching magic unfold. It seemed like the barrier for entry was simply flashing your NBA Geek ID at the bouncer (who in this flight of fancy is played by that 300-pound Greek dude). But like Apatow's martyred TV show, this year's tournament, and specifically this version of the US national team, will prove its longevity in the minds of NBA fanatics.

So for the handful of you who were right there with us, watching Coach K and Kid Delicious conquer foreign lands, we think you'll argee with us on what we'll miss the most.

FIVE THINGS WE WILL MISS

1. This USA Team.
We'll never get to watch this collection of basketball players play together again. Which is a cosmic shame, because they were the personification of adrenaline, unity, and humility. Durant and Rose are a duo so forward thinking they probably drink Svedka vodka. Kevin Love is the most talented white guy to ever wave a towel on the bench (I'm too young to mention Celtics-era Walton). The Westbrook-Gordon combo was a Pollack painting off the bench. So raise a glass to the B-Team (and while you're at it, try to come up with a better nickname for them; they earned it).

2. The Turkey Fans.

Beauty of the Beas

The movie Gunnin' for that #1 Spot opens with a handicam shot of Michael Beasley doing what he does best: acting like a goofball. The rest of the movie, which follows Beasley and the other competitors in 2006's Elite 24 high schoolers game at Rucker Park in Harlem, contains equal parts that and the thing that Beasley does second best: playing phenomenal basketball.

Unfortunately, in his two years with the Miami Heat, Beasley did not get the opportunity to do either of those things very well. He has been a solid contributor during that time, no doubt about it. But expectations were big when he was taken with the second pick in 2008. He had been dominant in high school (at nearly a dozen different institutions) and in college (at Kansas State). And, above all, he seemed poised for a spectacular NBA career. He was a big forward with crazy athleticism, and he had the personality of a Barkleyesque class clown who also needed to be taken seriously.