One Game We Watched Last Night: Denver Nuggets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder
Nuggets: 114, Thunder: 104
This game is the answer the America's clean energy question. Watching Russ and Kenneth and Iggy and even Reggie Jackson blur across the floor like manic jaguars in fast forward presents an idea: Harness this energy to power cities. A Westbrook drive could heat a school for three days. A Faried offensive rebound and dunk could run a fleet of buses for a week. A JaVale goaltend could power one goaltending-powered joke machine for eternity.
If we want to get that highly coveted federal grant, though, somebody has to talk to Kevin Durant. In the fourth quarter, he was not being absurdly athletic and energetic (even though he is). He was being unfailingly polite. On most possessions, he stood behind the three line to the left of the key and called for the ball, which never came. On two consecutive possessions he calmly waved at Westbrook like someone who has run into a friend he is only sort of excited to see. Russell is too constantly hopped up on fury and Cheetos to notice such tepid pleas. Kev didn't get the ball. He is and will always be the most important piece of the Thunder's government proposal, so he needs to act like it.
Sure, this whole energy experiment has its risks (as Serge's bloodied head discovered on its own), but what revolution doesn't? A playoff series between these two teams would ween us of foreign oil in seven games.
One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Sacramento Kings
Clippers: 101, Kings: 116
Haha, ok. So happy the Kings didn't waste a 19-point, 7-assist game by Toney Douglas.
Over here at No Regard, we love everything about All-Star Weekend. Everything. The Celebrity Game? Yes, please! The Skills Contest? Sing us up! Alicia Keys and Ne-Yo? Sure, pump it straight into our veins! Nothing gets us off like the Dunk Contest, though, and nothing ever will. It is, to us, the zenith of physical achievement for the human race--a display of mind-bending athleticism, competitive creativity and downright goofiness.
As much as we agree on all that, we don't agree on who the top dog of this year's contest will be. Below are our individual picks.
Adam's Pick: James "Flight" White
Why you should root for him: White was born for this. I'm not sure if there's ever been a contestant who was more excited to be a part of the contest. From his plea to Dwayne Wade to support his bid to his very confident, very exciting hints of what he has in store, it's obvious that White has been dreaming of this for a long time. Also, he has promised to go prop-free, which I think is a much needed step toward the direction of the pre-Dwight era. While there's nothing wrong with props per se, at this point a man and a ball and a hoop--and that's it--will seem like a breath of fresh air. I forgot where I read this, but kudos to whoever I am paraphrasing when I say that the reason James White exists in the NBA is to win a dunk contest. Also: THIS.
Ideal contest-winning dunk: 360 from the free throw line. The free throw line dunk is White's calling card. In the below video, you can see him jump the stripe twice, both times with insane results. After a YouTube search, I found one video of a dude doing a full revolution with his back foot from the foul line. It's impressive. But I think White could do it without stepping over.
What it should be called: Flight 360
Odds he will win: 1:1
Requisite YouTube viewing: 2006 NCAA Dunk Contest. Check out the 2:28 and 3:44 marks to see where the word "swag" was born.
Andrew's Pick: Jeremy Evans
Why you should root for him:I know almost nothing about Jeremy Evans. I know that early this season (or maybe it was the preseason) he had maybe the highlight of the year when he blocked some poor guy on one end and dunked on some poor guy on the other end. (Ed.- It was only one poor guy, and yes of course it was Ronny Turiaf.) I'm not doing it justice, hold on.
See!? Whoa. Great play amirite? Kid can fly. Anywho, the only other thing I know about him is that he won the dunk contest last year. But I have no recollection of a single dunk he did. I'm not going to look it up because last year's dunk contest was probably the worst ever and bummed me out so much. I don't want to relive that monstrosity. What I do want, though, is for Jeremy Evans to make up for last year's entire contest. Since he is the lone holdover--the defending champion, no less--he needs to carry the mantle. He needs to seek untamed redemption in his dunks. The only way we can forget about last year's Kenny Smith-led circus of tears is by having our palettes cleansed by a stunning performance by the champ.
Ideal contest-winning dunk:Have the lights in the arena turned up as bright as possible. Tape his mouth shut so he can't give a pointless pre-dunk interview with Nick Cannon.Write the word "PROP" on the basketball with a black magic marker and put the ball through his legs as he dunks over a mic-less Kenny Smith.
What it should be called: The Apology
Odds he will win: Not very good.
Requisite YouTube viewing: Ugh, fine, here are last year's highlights.
Dave's Pick: Gerald Green
Why you should root for him: I graduated from high school in 2005. As such, I took particular interest in the high school players drafted that year (the last year high school guys were allowed to be drafted). Green was drafted by the Celtics and immediately became a guy I followed closely. Though he was part of the worst Celtics team ever, I was sad to see him get tossed into the Garnett trade and even sadder to see him slowly wash out of the league after winning the 2008 dunk contest by blowing out a candle in a cupcake on the rim and dunking between his legs with his shoes off. I was mad at him for not panning out despite his superb athletic ability, but then I thought about it another way. Gerald Green initially fell out of the NBA in 2009, leaving him temporarily unemployed. You know which other 22 year olds were unemployed in 2009? ALL OF THEM. Gerald took his talents to Russia and China. After bouncing around our frenemy nations, Gerald somehow wound up on the Nets about a year ago (his experience working under Russian ownership was probably helpful... or not... who cares) and wound up throwing down the meanest alley-oop windmill ever seen by man. He's now on the Pacers, but who cares. He's back in the dunk contest, in his hometown, the places where he made his name. He's come all the way back. Let him eat cake.
Ideal contest-winning dunk: One-handed windmill while eating a cupcake with the other hand. Look at the top left of this page. I know what you're thinking: "That looks cool, but why isn't he eating that?" Well, it's probably moldy now and the icing is probably hard as a rock, but here's his chance!
What it should be called: The Cake Eater
Odds he will win: 4-1
Requisite YouTube viewing: That mean alley-oop windmill I was talking about.
Pete's Pick: Kenneth "The Manimal" Faried
Why you should root for him:He’s from Newark, New Jersey. He’s a fine upstanding young man. He respects his elders and his hair is stunning. He’s a serious baller, too. The Nuggets rarely run a set for Faried but he still finds a way to get his fingerprints all over the stat sheet. And the hustle plays--he works his behind off, all game long. Never complains and will one day be an amazing scorer. He’s already an aerial threat the likes of which have never been seen. Ideal contest-winning dunk:An alley-oop, body-twisting, eye-popping, sexually appealing (in a basketball way) one-handed, throw-down-the-rock-hard dunk. Some variation of that. If you haven’t seen Faried dunk--well, then, you best call someone. Or just turn on one of the many machines that are capable of showing the Sprite Slam Dunk Contest and tune in. Faried did not get his nickname by chillin’ out below the rim, doing math homework and playing World of Warcraft. This gentlemen flies high, early and often, to the rack. Ty Lawson closes his eyes and hurls the ball within the general vicinity of the Manimal. Faried then arrives from nowhere and like a bolt of thunder, makes everyone watching jump a little bit when he dunks: always with minimal regard for human life. Unlike thunder, when Faried dunks, it’s not scary. I hate thunder. Not the Thunder of Oklahoma City, thunder like the weather thunder. What it should be called: The Manimalwich Odds he will win: Bet your mortgage on it, big boy. Requisite YouTube viewing: Faried's top ten plays of his rookie season. Number seven is great stuff, posterizing the ghost of Chris Kaman and then subtly staring him down on the jog back.
The purpose of the draft lottery is to help struggling teams get better players. This has the side effect of ensuring that you NEVER get to see the good young players on national TV, because they are on awful teams (don’t pretend you’d recognize Brandon Knight if you saw him walking around town). That said, the Rising Stars game gives a regular, non-League Pass NBA fan like myself something they don’t get to see: the good young guys. Sure, you’ve probably seen plenty of Kahwi Leonard and the Manimal, but there are a ton of talented young players that you basically heard about until they got drafted and never saw again. In this one meaningless circus of a game, you get to see all of them.
I had never seen Kyrie Irving play until last year’s Rising Stars game. He only played a handful of college games and, frankly, I don’t watch much college basketball anyway. I really had no idea what we were getting with this guy (the Uncle Drew video hadn’t happened yet). Kyrie went 8-8 from three in last year’s game and pretty much dominated everything, plus we got to see his fantastic handle.
I was sold. I immediately started watching every possible Cavs game I could get access to (mostly when they happened to be on at bars). I went to the first Cavs-Nets game at Barclays this season just to see that handle, and Kyrie didn’t disappoint. My girlfriend got me an Irving t-shirt for Christmas (thanks!) and I can’t wait to see him in the main event next weekend. The guy is already my favorite non-Celtic. All thanks to this silly exhibition.
Don’t get me wrong here, this thing is barely a game. It’s pretty much all behind-the-back, alley-oop windmill dunks, spin moves and centers shooting threes. There are almost no passes between two guys who are both standing on the ground and defense is limited to Greg Monroe messing with John Wall’s off-the-bounce self-oop. The game is played in 20-minute halves and guys get added last minute based on things like Linsanity and having a cool flat-top. Last year, the teams combined for 279 points. In short, it was awesome.
Wherever you are next Friday night, take this opportunity to check out guys who used to just be names to you. You probably won’t get many more chances to see Andre Drummond, Damian Lillard, Alexey Shved and too many Bobcats, Pistons and non-Irving Cavs play again. Oh, and Kyrie will be there too.
Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.
“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” - John Quincy Adams
While he would never be as famous or well-remembered as his father, John Quincy Adams was a fantastic diplomat and a surprisingly progressive president. Elected in 1824 after a highly successful eight-year stint as Secretary of State that included acquiring Florida from Spain and authoring the Monroe Doctrine, John Quincy Adams opposed slavery and pushed for the modernization of American infrastructure.
The Nuggets were not supposed to matter after Carmelo Anthony forced a trade to the Knicks. Denver was destined to become Cleveland West, acquiring Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton and others for Melo, Chauncey Billups and others. Well, Gallinari turned into a star, Ty Lawson began coming of age and the Nuggets drafted Kenneth Faried and traded for JaVale McGee, two phenomenal physical specimens.
An incredible diplomat, Adams was known for working peacefully with leaders around the world. The Nuggets seem to be willing to trade with pretty much anyone. This summer, after already shipping Nene to Washington for McGee, Denver dealt Arron Afflalo and Al Harrington for Andre Iguodala, another incredibly athletic, hard-working player to lead their young team. A team that took the Lakers to seven games in the first round the year after trading the biggest star in franchise history is only getting better. Where John Quincy Adams was a sneaky-good leader of the free world, the Nuggets are a sleeper team that could make noise in the Western Conference for years to come.
Will the young, upstart Nuggets continue to grow under super-coach George Karl? Will GM Masai Ujiri stir things up once more? Can the Nuggets reach the second round?
(On a separate note, do yourself a favor and search YouTube for "JaVale McGee dumb plays" you won't be disappointed. Keep in mind, this man is getting paid $10 million this year.)
Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers
Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Zapdos
Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Andre Miller a Great Teacher for Lawson"
Headline we're most looking forward to: "Stuff JaVale Bought"
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Why are you here? I thought you couldn't be killed."
