Why You (Yes, You!) Should Watch the NBA Rising Stars Challenge

The purpose of the draft lottery is to help struggling teams get better players. This has the side effect of ensuring that you NEVER get to see the good young players on national TV, because they are on awful teams (don’t pretend you’d recognize Brandon Knight if you saw him walking around town). That said, the Rising Stars game gives a regular, non-League Pass NBA fan like myself something they don’t get to see: the good young guys. Sure, you’ve probably seen plenty of Kahwi Leonard and the Manimal, but there are a ton of talented young players that you basically heard about until they got drafted and never saw again. In this one meaningless circus of a game, you get to see all of them.

I had never seen Kyrie Irving play until last year’s Rising Stars game. He only played a handful of college games and, frankly, I don’t watch much college basketball anyway. I really had no idea what we were getting with this guy (the Uncle Drew video hadn’t happened yet). Kyrie went 8-8 from three in last year’s game and pretty much dominated everything, plus we got to see his fantastic handle.

I was sold. I immediately started watching every possible Cavs game I could get access to (mostly when they happened to be on at bars). I went to the first Cavs-Nets game at Barclays this season just to see that handle, and Kyrie didn’t disappoint. My girlfriend got me an Irving t-shirt for Christmas (thanks!) and I can’t wait to see him in the main event next weekend. The guy is already my favorite non-Celtic. All thanks to this silly exhibition.

Don’t get me wrong here, this thing is barely a game. It’s pretty much all behind-the-back, alley-oop windmill dunks, spin moves and centers shooting threes. There are almost no passes between two guys who are both standing on the ground and defense is limited to Greg Monroe messing with John Wall’s off-the-bounce self-oop. The game is played in 20-minute halves and guys get added last minute based on things like Linsanity and having a cool flat-top. Last year, the teams combined for 279 points. In short, it was awesome.

Wherever you are next Friday night, take this opportunity to check out guys who used to just be names to you. You probably won’t get many more chances to see Andre Drummond, Damian Lillard, Alexey Shved and too many Bobcats, Pistons and non-Irving Cavs play again. Oh, and Kyrie will be there too.

Also, THIS STUFF:

No Regard Previews: A Prince Among Men

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Milwaukee Bucks vs. New Orleans Hornets

There is only one division-leading squad taking the hardwood tonight in the Association. This same team happens to also be the employer of none other than the spectacular Luc Richard Mbah a Moute.

Did you know that Luc Richard Mbah a Moute is a Prince in Bia Messe, a village in Cameroon?

Were you aware that he has a brother playing college ball for the University of Texas? Hook em' horns!!

Any chance you are privy to the fact that he's played a total of 235 career NBA games? For all you mathematicians out there, that's 235 more NBA games than you've played (unless, by chance, you're a player in the NBA and reading our blog, if so, we love you and you're my favorite player ever). 

No Regard For Human Life, where facts happen. (Also, don't forget to donate to Wikipedia!)

One Game We Definitely Won't Watch Tonight: Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Detroit Pistons

Last season, the point-guard stylings of Ricky Rubio were cruelly stripped from our lives far too prematurely.  Now, during the budding stages of this 2012-2013 season, the gentleman whom, after seeing him play in person for the first time, our own Andrew Abides suggested was, "the only thing that matters" is watching his team play in church clothes from the bench. 

Kyrie Irving, the dazzling magician charged with easing the blow of LeBron's exit from Cleveland to South Beach, is injured and quite frankly (mind if I'm frank?), it's a real buzz-kill.

So instead of watching a young dude with the bollocks to challenge Kobe Bryant to a one-on-one game for serious dollar bills, the honest and hardworking people of Detroit, Michigan will have to settle for watching Coach Frank man the sidelines. Listen, nobody respects Lawrence more than our staff here, but right now his squad could use a most extreme makeover and his wacky antics alone an entertaining evening at the Palace do not make. Kyrie, get well soon.

One Final Game We Probably Won't Catch Tonight Either: Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Clippers

After defeating the Sacramento Kings on Saturday, Clipper reserve and tattooed journeyman Matt Barnes, who notched 12 professional basketball points during the competition, stated, "It's a long season, and it's important to get the production out of your starters and your bench."

Agreed, Matt. Well-said.

No Regard Presidential Previews: Cleveland Cavaliers (James Garfield)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

“There can be no permanent disenfranchised peasantry in the United States.” - James Garfield

Despite serving eight terms in the House of Representatives, James Garfield's rise was seen as meteoric, as the son of a local wrestler became the first president ever elected directly from the House. Garfield's term was short-lived but eventful, somehow fitting in Civil Service Reform, a Naval modernization bill, a trade treaty with Madagascar, a Supreme Court appointment, placement of African Americans to prominent government posts and some economic stuff I don't understand into only 200 days. On July 2, 1881, Garfield was shot by a psychotic stalker and died from related complications that September.

James Garfield's presidency, as the Cavs contender status, seemed to end as quickly as it started. Over two years later, it is impossible to mentally separate the Cavaliers from "The Decision," possibly history's most ill-advised TV special. The Cavaliers, previously most famous for being on the receiving end of Jordan-over-Ehlo in 1989, rose to prominence in the mid-2000s on the back of local wunderkind LeBron Raymone James. With five playoff appearances in a row, two number one seeds, one NBA Finals trip and an additional Conference Finals exit, Cleveland enjoyed a quick rise from the lottery to being a perennial contender. Then "The Decision" happened. A team that had only two home losses in '08-'09 and was the top seed again the following year immediately fell back to irrelevancy at the bottom of the Eastern Conference. It happened so fast it feels like it never happened at all.

Even a metal detector specially invented by Alexander Graham Bell couldn't locate the bullet in the 20th President's body and save his life. However, modern medicine (or maybe it was a trade with the Clippers, it was probably the trade with the Clippers) was able to give the Cavs a modicum of hope. The Cavs traded Mo Williams to LA's B-squad for Baron Davis and a first rounder and, wouldn't ya know, that pick turned out to be number one overall (on a separate note, Baron Davis's last action in a Clipper uniform was throwing a pass out of the sunroof of a Kia Optima). The Cavs chose Uncle Drew Kyrie Irving, added Tristan Thompson three picks later and a new core was formed.

As exciting as the spectacular Irving is, it's hard not to read the Cavs roster and think "who?" every third or fourth name. Anderson Varejao is the highest-paid player on the team and Luke Walton, so far removed from the glory days of Laker women, is second on the list. Varejao might start for a contender, but Walton has been on contenders before and didn't get a ton of (on-court) action. There is vague hope for the future, but this isn't really a team to get excited about yet. There will be a lot of double-digit losses and probably another lottery appearance, but at least they have a future. At least the assassination, unlike Garfield's, didn't go as planned.


Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Diglett


Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Irving Looking to Make 'The Leap'"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Cavs Offer Five Minutes of Game Time to Local Tall Dude, Fans Mistake Him for Actual Cavs Benchwarmer"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Oh yeah, some jerk on ESPN wearing a purple checkered shirt said you might be coming."

Know Your Draft Prospects: The Yearbook Edition

Every year, as the NBA Draft approaches, we, like everyone else, try to wrap our heads around all of the talented young man who are about to become filthy rich young men. We've seen most of them play, but we yearn to understand them more as human beings, to know them as we know our friends. With this in mind, we set out to figure out the best way to get across our thoughts on some of the premier players in this year's draft while helping our readers better understand the personalities behind the prospects. And what better way is there to understand a young person than to look at their yearbook? It is in there that we see how they wish to portray themselves, and more importantly, how others see them. Specifically, it is the class superlatives that reveal the real nature of many. Here are some that we've assigned to this year's draft class. Rookies—they're just like us!

Most Likely to Succeed Blake Griffin as League's Poster Boy: Derrick Williams



















Williams, next to Kemba Walker, may be the prospect who increased his stock the most in the NCAA tournament. And he did so by throwing basketballs through rims with a violence that should be making Blake Griffin shake in his Kia-sponsored boots. In leading Arizona to the Elite Eight, he displayed a kind of freakish athleticism that can make him seem like the only grown man in a class full of pubescent boys. Derrick Williams: Coming soon to your nephew's wall.

Yearbook Quote: "One defends when his strength is inadequate, he attacks when it is abundant."- Sun Tzu

Sick LeBron, Aching for a Statue, and McHale vs. the Frank

The Miami Heat evened the Eastern Conference finals on Wednesday night with stifling defense and another impressive fourth quarter performance from LeBron James. With the series knotted at one game a piece headed back to South Beach, here's what we gathered from game two:

Slippery-Dirk, the Backpack, and the Future of the Cavs

When it rains, it pours. And sometimes it even monsoons. Particularly when Dirk Nowitzki is being single-covered for an entire playoff game. The seven-foot German sharpshooter had his way with the Thunder last night, paying no mind to the likes of Serge Ibaka, Kevin Durant or whoever else was unlucky enough to be covering the Maverick power-forward. Coach Brooks made his strategy clear: He's okay with Dirk getting his, but refuses to allow the Dallas supporting cast to be left open. After Dirk's perfect showing from the stripe and nearly perfect mid-range performance, the OKC strategist may want to go back to the drawing board.

We have seen magical Dirk in years past, and if it weren't for a corrupt dirt-bag of an official there's a good chance he'd have a championship ring wrapped around his finger. We shouldn't be surprised after watching him dismantle Tim Duncan and company back in '06, scoring 37 in a decisive game seven in San Antonio on 15-16 from the line and 11-20 from the field. Or how about during the same playoffs where his cool 50 points gave Dallas a 3-2 lead over Phoenix in the Western finals? No, this is nothing new for Dirk.

So why is it then, that the Thunder refused to double him last night? Shouldn't they at least attempt to get the rock out of his hands, forcing the likes of Jason Kidd (once known as "Ason" Kidd because he had no J) and Jet Terry, who is impressive but not even close to Dirk's level, beat them? There's an argument to be made about letting a superstar get his points while containing his teammates, but in the case of a guy who refuses to miss, it simply will not work.

More importantly, Durant's backpack is great addition to the legend that is KD.

Also, Kyrie Irving, Kemba Walker and JJ Hickson: Ladies and gentlemen meet your 2011-2012 Cleveland Cavaliers! Lebron who?