No Regard Presidential Previews: Cleveland Cavaliers (James Garfield)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

“There can be no permanent disenfranchised peasantry in the United States.” - James Garfield

Despite serving eight terms in the House of Representatives, James Garfield's rise was seen as meteoric, as the son of a local wrestler became the first president ever elected directly from the House. Garfield's term was short-lived but eventful, somehow fitting in Civil Service Reform, a Naval modernization bill, a trade treaty with Madagascar, a Supreme Court appointment, placement of African Americans to prominent government posts and some economic stuff I don't understand into only 200 days. On July 2, 1881, Garfield was shot by a psychotic stalker and died from related complications that September.

James Garfield's presidency, as the Cavs contender status, seemed to end as quickly as it started. Over two years later, it is impossible to mentally separate the Cavaliers from "The Decision," possibly history's most ill-advised TV special. The Cavaliers, previously most famous for being on the receiving end of Jordan-over-Ehlo in 1989, rose to prominence in the mid-2000s on the back of local wunderkind LeBron Raymone James. With five playoff appearances in a row, two number one seeds, one NBA Finals trip and an additional Conference Finals exit, Cleveland enjoyed a quick rise from the lottery to being a perennial contender. Then "The Decision" happened. A team that had only two home losses in '08-'09 and was the top seed again the following year immediately fell back to irrelevancy at the bottom of the Eastern Conference. It happened so fast it feels like it never happened at all.

Even a metal detector specially invented by Alexander Graham Bell couldn't locate the bullet in the 20th President's body and save his life. However, modern medicine (or maybe it was a trade with the Clippers, it was probably the trade with the Clippers) was able to give the Cavs a modicum of hope. The Cavs traded Mo Williams to LA's B-squad for Baron Davis and a first rounder and, wouldn't ya know, that pick turned out to be number one overall (on a separate note, Baron Davis's last action in a Clipper uniform was throwing a pass out of the sunroof of a Kia Optima). The Cavs chose Uncle Drew Kyrie Irving, added Tristan Thompson three picks later and a new core was formed.

As exciting as the spectacular Irving is, it's hard not to read the Cavs roster and think "who?" every third or fourth name. Anderson Varejao is the highest-paid player on the team and Luke Walton, so far removed from the glory days of Laker women, is second on the list. Varejao might start for a contender, but Walton has been on contenders before and didn't get a ton of (on-court) action. There is vague hope for the future, but this isn't really a team to get excited about yet. There will be a lot of double-digit losses and probably another lottery appearance, but at least they have a future. At least the assassination, unlike Garfield's, didn't go as planned.


Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Diglett


Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Irving Looking to Make 'The Leap'"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Cavs Offer Five Minutes of Game Time to Local Tall Dude, Fans Mistake Him for Actual Cavs Benchwarmer"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Oh yeah, some jerk on ESPN wearing a purple checkered shirt said you might be coming."

2011 NBA Resolutions

2011 is here and here to stay, folks, and we're sure some of you are knee-deep in your New Year's resolutions. At No Regard, we believe that NBA players should be no different than the rest of us when it comes to making some much needed changes. We've found a list of some of the more popular resolutions and decided to apply them to some of the league's employees.

1. Spend More Time With Family and Friends: Carmelo Anthony

Well, it looks like things are finally shaping up. And by "things" I mean a complete demolition of three current teams in order to, once and for all, bring 'Melo to the NY/NJ region. It's not pretty, but it will be nice to just have this over with so that we can stop hearing one DOA rumor after another. So, 'Melo, if and when the ink is on the paper, make sure you take advantage of your return and call all those cousins and childhood friends from Red Hook that you haven't seen in years. They've been waiting for you. -Ain't

100 Reasons to Watch the NBA This Season, Part 1

Reason #97: The Taco Bell NBA Big Box Commercial

We told you this would happen. To celebrate our first 100 posts, we're giving back. We've put together 100 reasons to watch this season. Consider these a mouthwash for this off-season of stink. Some can be considered predictions, some are sure things, and some may just be hopes that will fade before the schedule is even released. Whatever the case, read them all and get excited again. Remember, reasons #101 through infinity belong in the comments section. Don't know if you can tell, but we're excited to finally be able to watch some ball.

100. To Witness Second Chances.
Can underachieving talents like Michael Beasley and Greg Oden find a whole new NBA life in their respective change of scenery and relative health? Or will they continue to fall short of expectations?

99. Speaking of Second Chances, Gil.
Can our man use the beginning of the John Wall era to bring him back to some of his wild, unpredictable, unstoppable glory? It could be tough for him to give up the team, but if he's smart, he'll allow Wall to be his redeemer.

98. Barack Obama.
With his Bulls primed to make a real run in the East, expect to hear more of 44's thoughts on the NBA. And let's hope so, because dude needs something to take his mind off things for a minute.

97. The Taco Bell NBA Big Box Commercial.
We hope we get new versions of this commercial, but if it doesn't return, no worries. We're sure to get some ad that's just as harmlessly enjoyable and forever goofy in its place.