No Regard Presidential Previews: Cleveland Cavaliers (James Garfield)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

“There can be no permanent disenfranchised peasantry in the United States.” - James Garfield

Despite serving eight terms in the House of Representatives, James Garfield's rise was seen as meteoric, as the son of a local wrestler became the first president ever elected directly from the House. Garfield's term was short-lived but eventful, somehow fitting in Civil Service Reform, a Naval modernization bill, a trade treaty with Madagascar, a Supreme Court appointment, placement of African Americans to prominent government posts and some economic stuff I don't understand into only 200 days. On July 2, 1881, Garfield was shot by a psychotic stalker and died from related complications that September.

James Garfield's presidency, as the Cavs contender status, seemed to end as quickly as it started. Over two years later, it is impossible to mentally separate the Cavaliers from "The Decision," possibly history's most ill-advised TV special. The Cavaliers, previously most famous for being on the receiving end of Jordan-over-Ehlo in 1989, rose to prominence in the mid-2000s on the back of local wunderkind LeBron Raymone James. With five playoff appearances in a row, two number one seeds, one NBA Finals trip and an additional Conference Finals exit, Cleveland enjoyed a quick rise from the lottery to being a perennial contender. Then "The Decision" happened. A team that had only two home losses in '08-'09 and was the top seed again the following year immediately fell back to irrelevancy at the bottom of the Eastern Conference. It happened so fast it feels like it never happened at all.

Even a metal detector specially invented by Alexander Graham Bell couldn't locate the bullet in the 20th President's body and save his life. However, modern medicine (or maybe it was a trade with the Clippers, it was probably the trade with the Clippers) was able to give the Cavs a modicum of hope. The Cavs traded Mo Williams to LA's B-squad for Baron Davis and a first rounder and, wouldn't ya know, that pick turned out to be number one overall (on a separate note, Baron Davis's last action in a Clipper uniform was throwing a pass out of the sunroof of a Kia Optima). The Cavs chose Uncle Drew Kyrie Irving, added Tristan Thompson three picks later and a new core was formed.

As exciting as the spectacular Irving is, it's hard not to read the Cavs roster and think "who?" every third or fourth name. Anderson Varejao is the highest-paid player on the team and Luke Walton, so far removed from the glory days of Laker women, is second on the list. Varejao might start for a contender, but Walton has been on contenders before and didn't get a ton of (on-court) action. There is vague hope for the future, but this isn't really a team to get excited about yet. There will be a lot of double-digit losses and probably another lottery appearance, but at least they have a future. At least the assassination, unlike Garfield's, didn't go as planned.


Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Diglett


Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Irving Looking to Make 'The Leap'"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Cavs Offer Five Minutes of Game Time to Local Tall Dude, Fans Mistake Him for Actual Cavs Benchwarmer"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Oh yeah, some jerk on ESPN wearing a purple checkered shirt said you might be coming."

No Regard Daily Previews: No Melo Talk!

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight:
Denver Nuggets vs. Phoenix Suns
The Nets and Nuggets need to work on their red-zone offense, because after Chris Broussard of ESPN reported on Sunday that the deal was, "on the 10-yard line," here I am two days later waiting for a touchdown that still hasn't formulated. At the risk of having a panic attack, we won't discuss the massive pink elephant that's going to be stomping around the Pepsi Center tonight and instead compare the two teams playing in the game as constituted.

No Regard Daily Recap: Strange but not a Stranger

One Game We Watched Last Night: Oh, you know.

Heat: 118 Cavs: 90

Will he throw the powder? He sure did.

Will fans throw stuff at him? No, and thank goodness.

Will he get a tribute video? No way, Jose.

Will Z get a tribute video? What would a Z tribute video look like anyway?

Will Z get booed? Not even close. Resounding applause. Very sweet.

How quickly into the game will Varajeo send LeBron to the floor? Not at all. Big hug pre-game. Very sweet.


Will LeBron's mother be in attendance? Don't think so. Can anyone confirm?

Will Bron drop 50? Not quite. But hell of a game.

What will the pre-game pleasantries between the two teams look like? Generally businesslike and unspectacular.

Will Mo Williams cry? Who?

Will LeBron smile once? ...


How many times will Dan Gilbert be shown on camera? Five by our count.

Will the actual game be any good to watch? Depends on whether or not you like torture porn.

Really, can you ever go home? Yes, you can. And when you get there, you can burn the house down.

No Regard Daily Previews: 11-9-10

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: New Jersey Nets vs. Cleveland Cavaliers

It is strange to think about how different this matchup feels as compared to last season. One year ago, I was incredibly excited to be headed to the Izod Center to watch the Nets play the Cavaliers. Four things were certain that night: Jay-Z would not be there, Bron Bron was going to put on a show, I was going to try and sneak rum into the arena, and the Nets were going to lose. This time, Hova may actually show his face, Bron Bron is hosting D Will in Miami, I'm not headed to Newark, and the Nets have a good shot at winning.

Team Dreamin' 2011: Cleveland

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

Sad Zydrunas on his first game back.

Before I dive into this I want it to be known that I don't for one second pretend like I know how it feels to be a Cavs fan right now. Witnessing Lebron mumble, "Talents to South Beach" for a die-hard Cleveland supporter must rank among of worst experiences a fan could go through. I've been racking my brain for an analogy to illustrate what it must feel like for Cleveland folk but I have nothing harsh enough to fit the bill.

As soul-crushing as this month has been, it's quite apparent that Cleveland is the most intriguing story of the upcoming season. Nobody has any idea what's going to happen with them. They could go so many different directions. Here's our suggestion though, and we think it's a novel one:

Do whatever it takes to land a first round playoff match-up with Miami.