Alright team, huddle up. We're not happy about what we've done either. We said we were going to the store to pick up paper towels, and we haven't been back for five months. But we're on our way. Depending on traffic, we're like 20 minutes from home. The season is close, and we're getting closer. If he can return, so can we.
Showing posts with label greg oden. Show all posts
Showing posts with label greg oden. Show all posts
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
No Regard Presidential Previews: Portland Trail Blazers (Herbert Hoover)
Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.
"If, by the grace of God, we have passed the worst of this storm, the future months will be easy. If we shall be called upon to endure more of this period, we must gird ourselves for even greater effort." - Herbert Hoover
For those of us who don't believe in any sort of cosmic plan for humanity, when science fails to give us answers, luck is about as close as we can get to a religious doctrine. Some people just don't have the cards stacked in their favor, and often, their misfortune cannot be explained through any sort of reason.
Herbert Hoover was one of those people. After winning in a landslide in the 1928 election, Hoover faced the stock market crash and the beginning of the Great Depression less than eight months into his presidency. As we know from recent history, economic issues do not grow overnight; downturns, even when they seem to happen suddenly, are generally the result of a lengthy series of interconnected events, decisions and patterns. Therefore, the haste with which Hoover's tenure turned to total shite has to be seen as an enormous middle finger from old Father Luck. Of course, Double H didn't provide an ideal response to the situation, failing to improve matters with a strategy that included promoting volunteerism, raising tariffs and forcing the relocation of thousands of Mexicans and Mexican-Americans who he claimed posed a threat to the domestic job market (sound familiar?). What we see in Hoover then, is a perfect storm of terrible luck and an inability to properly address problems as they arose.
The Portland Trail Blazers, over the past five years, have been cursed with the basketball equivalent of Hoover's luck, but they have also shown the same sort of failure in their responses. We are all familiar with that most tragic of NBA stories, the great Crash of Greg Oden before he could even get off the ground. The repeated knee injuries suffered by the number one pick of the 2007 Draft represent the kind of sustained misfortune that gives a team's fanbase nightmares for life. What might be more terrifying than the injuries themselves, though, is the apparent lack of competency the Blazers staff showed in dealing with them. In the past year, information has come out about just how negligent the team's medical staff was in properly handling Oden's rehabilitation. And we have to imagine that Brandon Roy—a figure not tragic to Odenian proportions, but still pretty damn sad—might have made a stronger recovery with a different medical team, as well. As an organization, the Blazers have proved unable to properly handle the twists of fate that send players and teams into the depths of unpredictability and struggle, just as Hoover was unable to get the country out of its financial hole quickly.
That said, it's worth mentioning that some of Hoover's policies may have laid the groundwork for FDR's New Deal and the eventual recovery. Who knows, perhaps the Blazers are setting a foundation for better times to come. But for now, the team is centered around one very talented big man: LaMarcus Aldridge. Beyond him, there are nothing but question marks. Nicolas "Nutshot" Batum continues to be as empty a promise as a debate talking point. Wesley Matthews continues to be as mediocre as his name implies. Rookies Meyers Leonard and Damian Lillard could both be very successful NBA players (Lillard especially), but I'm not sure either of them is ready to step into a starting roster as quickly as they'll have to in PDX. I would LOVE to see J.J. Hickson continue his solid play from the end of last year, but I certainly wouldn't put money on him keeping it up (TWSS).
If nothing else, perhaps the most optimistic light we can shine on the 2012-2013 Blazers is that this is bound to be their lowest point. Getting rid of Gerald Wallace, Marcus Camby, Raymond Felton and Jamal Crawford in the offseason was a testament of faith to the notion of rebuilding—and a smart one at that. This time next year, it's possible that the Blazers will have a Rookie of the Year starting at point guard and that they'll be going into 2013-2014 with another lottery pick or two. New GM Neil Olshey and new head coach Terry Stotts may introduce a new culture. The horizon holds rays of sunlight, sure, but the dark days are likely to last a bit longer. This season, like the Hoover years, may lead to better things, but it won't be a pretty process.
Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers
Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Jynx
Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Things not so Rosy in the Rose City"
Headline we're most looking forward to: "Nic Batum Releases Signature Line of Protective Athletic Cups"
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "You know what would have made your uniforms better? If you 'put a bird on it'! Ha! You guys ever see that show?"
"If, by the grace of God, we have passed the worst of this storm, the future months will be easy. If we shall be called upon to endure more of this period, we must gird ourselves for even greater effort." - Herbert Hoover
For those of us who don't believe in any sort of cosmic plan for humanity, when science fails to give us answers, luck is about as close as we can get to a religious doctrine. Some people just don't have the cards stacked in their favor, and often, their misfortune cannot be explained through any sort of reason.
Herbert Hoover was one of those people. After winning in a landslide in the 1928 election, Hoover faced the stock market crash and the beginning of the Great Depression less than eight months into his presidency. As we know from recent history, economic issues do not grow overnight; downturns, even when they seem to happen suddenly, are generally the result of a lengthy series of interconnected events, decisions and patterns. Therefore, the haste with which Hoover's tenure turned to total shite has to be seen as an enormous middle finger from old Father Luck. Of course, Double H didn't provide an ideal response to the situation, failing to improve matters with a strategy that included promoting volunteerism, raising tariffs and forcing the relocation of thousands of Mexicans and Mexican-Americans who he claimed posed a threat to the domestic job market (sound familiar?). What we see in Hoover then, is a perfect storm of terrible luck and an inability to properly address problems as they arose.
The Portland Trail Blazers, over the past five years, have been cursed with the basketball equivalent of Hoover's luck, but they have also shown the same sort of failure in their responses. We are all familiar with that most tragic of NBA stories, the great Crash of Greg Oden before he could even get off the ground. The repeated knee injuries suffered by the number one pick of the 2007 Draft represent the kind of sustained misfortune that gives a team's fanbase nightmares for life. What might be more terrifying than the injuries themselves, though, is the apparent lack of competency the Blazers staff showed in dealing with them. In the past year, information has come out about just how negligent the team's medical staff was in properly handling Oden's rehabilitation. And we have to imagine that Brandon Roy—a figure not tragic to Odenian proportions, but still pretty damn sad—might have made a stronger recovery with a different medical team, as well. As an organization, the Blazers have proved unable to properly handle the twists of fate that send players and teams into the depths of unpredictability and struggle, just as Hoover was unable to get the country out of its financial hole quickly.
That said, it's worth mentioning that some of Hoover's policies may have laid the groundwork for FDR's New Deal and the eventual recovery. Who knows, perhaps the Blazers are setting a foundation for better times to come. But for now, the team is centered around one very talented big man: LaMarcus Aldridge. Beyond him, there are nothing but question marks. Nicolas "Nutshot" Batum continues to be as empty a promise as a debate talking point. Wesley Matthews continues to be as mediocre as his name implies. Rookies Meyers Leonard and Damian Lillard could both be very successful NBA players (Lillard especially), but I'm not sure either of them is ready to step into a starting roster as quickly as they'll have to in PDX. I would LOVE to see J.J. Hickson continue his solid play from the end of last year, but I certainly wouldn't put money on him keeping it up (TWSS).
If nothing else, perhaps the most optimistic light we can shine on the 2012-2013 Blazers is that this is bound to be their lowest point. Getting rid of Gerald Wallace, Marcus Camby, Raymond Felton and Jamal Crawford in the offseason was a testament of faith to the notion of rebuilding—and a smart one at that. This time next year, it's possible that the Blazers will have a Rookie of the Year starting at point guard and that they'll be going into 2013-2014 with another lottery pick or two. New GM Neil Olshey and new head coach Terry Stotts may introduce a new culture. The horizon holds rays of sunlight, sure, but the dark days are likely to last a bit longer. This season, like the Hoover years, may lead to better things, but it won't be a pretty process.
Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers
Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Jynx
Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Things not so Rosy in the Rose City"
Headline we're most looking forward to: "Nic Batum Releases Signature Line of Protective Athletic Cups"
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "You know what would have made your uniforms better? If you 'put a bird on it'! Ha! You guys ever see that show?"
Monday, February 6, 2012
No Regard Preview: The Myth Can Overwhelm
One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Portland Trailblazers vs. Oklahoma City Thunder
You have to assume that the Trailblazers probably put a lot of thought into who they were going to take with the first pick of the 2007 NBA draft. I envision an entire team of analysts bustling around a Willy Wonka-esque lab, filling beakers and peering through microscopes to determine who would be a better fit for their franchise. In this probably-pretty-close-to-real-life scenario, I am going to hypothesize there were certain members of their committee who very much pushed to draft Oden over KD: "Big men like him don't come around very often. He's the next Tim Duncan, but a better shot-blocker."
No matter how hard the Durant camp pushed with articulate arguments, great data and sound logic, the Oden people refused to budge from their mindless trope: "You just can't pass up on big men like him in the draft. It's not every year someone with his size comes around, you know."
The Oden proponents were relentless in their pursuit: "It's a no-brainer when it comes to big men and the draft, you simply have no choice."
In the end, the Odenites and their big man argument won out. They popped champagne and toasted to the future the Trailblazers: "Here's to the next 20 years in Portland. We just drafted the best big man of all time. Can you say 'dynasty?'" They spent the rest of the night drinking and talking about how great it was to have a dominate big man in a league where there are so few: "They just don't come around very often in the modern game."
When MVP candidate Kevin Durant runs into the gym in his fresh OKC warmups tonight, I imagine the Oden people will look at each other, sigh, and remark: "I stand by our decision. Dominate seven-footers don't grow on trees."They're right: They sure do not.
No offense to John Wall, Rudy Fernandez or any of the other players competing in this game tonight, but I'd be a lot more interested in tuning in if we were watching actual wizards play actual raptors. Also, I'm aware that Harry is fighting a dragon in this picture above, so you don't need to mention the inaccuracies of the photo. It's the closest thing to a wizard fighting a raptor I could find on the Internet. I expected better also.
You have to assume that the Trailblazers probably put a lot of thought into who they were going to take with the first pick of the 2007 NBA draft. I envision an entire team of analysts bustling around a Willy Wonka-esque lab, filling beakers and peering through microscopes to determine who would be a better fit for their franchise. In this probably-pretty-close-to-real-life scenario, I am going to hypothesize there were certain members of their committee who very much pushed to draft Oden over KD: "Big men like him don't come around very often. He's the next Tim Duncan, but a better shot-blocker."No matter how hard the Durant camp pushed with articulate arguments, great data and sound logic, the Oden people refused to budge from their mindless trope: "You just can't pass up on big men like him in the draft. It's not every year someone with his size comes around, you know."
The Oden proponents were relentless in their pursuit: "It's a no-brainer when it comes to big men and the draft, you simply have no choice."
In the end, the Odenites and their big man argument won out. They popped champagne and toasted to the future the Trailblazers: "Here's to the next 20 years in Portland. We just drafted the best big man of all time. Can you say 'dynasty?'" They spent the rest of the night drinking and talking about how great it was to have a dominate big man in a league where there are so few: "They just don't come around very often in the modern game."
When MVP candidate Kevin Durant runs into the gym in his fresh OKC warmups tonight, I imagine the Oden people will look at each other, sigh, and remark: "I stand by our decision. Dominate seven-footers don't grow on trees."They're right: They sure do not.
One Game We Definitely Will Not Watch Tonight: Washington Wizards vs. Toronto Raptors
Monday, January 10, 2011
2011 NBA Resolutions
2011 is here and here to stay, folks, and we're sure some of you are knee-deep in your New Year's resolutions. At No Regard, we believe that NBA players should be no different than the rest of us when it comes to making some much needed changes. We've found a list of some of the more popular resolutions and decided to apply them to some of the league's employees.
1. Spend More Time With Family and Friends: Carmelo Anthony
Well, it
looks like things are finally shaping up. And by "things" I mean a complete demolition of three current teams in order to, once and for all, bring 'Melo to the NY/NJ region. It's not pretty, but it will be nice to just have this over with so that we can stop hearing one DOA rumor after another. So, 'Melo, if and when the ink is on the paper, make sure you take advantage of your return and call all those cousins and childhood friends from Red Hook that you haven't seen in years. They've been waiting for you. -Ain't
1. Spend More Time With Family and Friends: Carmelo Anthony
Well, it
looks like things are finally shaping up. And by "things" I mean a complete demolition of three current teams in order to, once and for all, bring 'Melo to the NY/NJ region. It's not pretty, but it will be nice to just have this over with so that we can stop hearing one DOA rumor after another. So, 'Melo, if and when the ink is on the paper, make sure you take advantage of your return and call all those cousins and childhood friends from Red Hook that you haven't seen in years. They've been waiting for you. -Ain'tThursday, December 9, 2010
No Regard Daily Previews: Three's Company!
One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Dallas Mavericks Vs. New Jersey Nets
This matchup is deceptively interesting despite the chasm-like discrepancy in wins and losses between these two teams. Here are some of the story lines that make tonight's featured game worth checking out:
Thursday, November 18, 2010
We Believe in Greg Oden
We're kind of distraught, so are going to spend the day trying to pick up the pieces. Maybe we'll make him a mixtape.
We'll be back tomorrow. Head up, Greg, you'll make it.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Team Dreamin' 2011: Portland
At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.
I always used to say that Greg Oden was probably buying beer for his friends since he was 12 years old. When he was at Ohio State he looked like he was in his mid-40's. Since joining the NBA, he still looks ridiculously old. Also, he's been hurt a ton and so far is a waste of a number one pick, especially with KD available the same year.
But he's the best. He really is. What a friendly and wacky guy. Plus, his junk was on the Internet.
Portland, start Oden 82 games this season.
It's called Team Dreamin' 2011', isn't it?
I always used to say that Greg Oden was probably buying beer for his friends since he was 12 years old. When he was at Ohio State he looked like he was in his mid-40's. Since joining the NBA, he still looks ridiculously old. Also, he's been hurt a ton and so far is a waste of a number one pick, especially with KD available the same year.But he's the best. He really is. What a friendly and wacky guy. Plus, his junk was on the Internet.
Portland, start Oden 82 games this season.
It's called Team Dreamin' 2011', isn't it?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
If You See Something, Say Something
IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.FreeDarko: Photographic proof that there is more to Kobe than any of us know.
DraftExpress on YouTube: Let's all just remember to revisit these draft prospect interviews five years from now. Someone in Cousins' camp obviously told him he needs to act mature, but seems like he mixed up maturity with somberness; dude looks plain sad. But biggest lesson here: THESE GUYS ARE KIDS (except John Wall).
Robin Lopez Twitter: If you're wondering if Fropez had anything to say about his strong playoff performance on Twitter, I'll save you the time: He didn't. But reading his most recent tweet, from March 24, is well worth your time.
Slam Magazine: Z's thoughts on Mike Brown's exit just reinforce his stigma as the kindest man in the world. And Stan Van Gundy is also what he always is: Saucy and a little misguided.
True Hoop: [Affects Hubie Brown voice] Henry Abbott is the best NBA journalist we have in this game, and Greg Oden is the most heartbreaking player. Watching him talk about Durant is debilitating.
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