No Regard's 2013 Dunk Contest Staff Picks

Over here at No Regard, we love everything about All-Star Weekend. Everything. The Celebrity Game? Yes, please! The Skills Contest? Sing us up! Alicia Keys and Ne-Yo? Sure, pump it straight into our veins! Nothing gets us off like the Dunk Contest, though, and nothing ever will. It is, to us, the zenith of physical achievement for the human race--a display of mind-bending athleticism, competitive creativity and downright goofiness.

As much as we agree on all that, we don't agree on who the top dog of this year's contest will be. Below are our individual picks.

Adam's Pick: James "Flight" White

Why you should root for him: White was born for this. I'm not sure if there's ever been a contestant who was more excited to be a part of the contest. From his plea to Dwayne Wade to support his bid to his very confident, very exciting hints of what he has in store, it's obvious that White has been dreaming of this for a long time. Also, he has promised to go prop-free, which I think is a much needed step toward the direction of the pre-Dwight era. While there's nothing wrong with props per se, at this point a man and a ball and a hoop--and that's it--will seem like a breath of fresh air. I forgot where I read this, but kudos to whoever I am paraphrasing when I say that the reason James White exists in the NBA is to win a dunk contest. Also: THIS.

Ideal contest-winning dunk: 360 from the free throw line. The free throw line dunk is White's calling card. In the below video, you can see him jump the stripe twice, both times with insane results. After a YouTube search, I found one video of a dude doing a full revolution with his back foot from the foul line. It's impressive. But I think White could do it without stepping over.

What it should be called: Flight 360

Odds he will win: 1:1

Requisite YouTube viewing: 2006 NCAA Dunk Contest. Check out the 2:28 and 3:44 marks to see where the word "swag" was born.

Andrew's Pick: Jeremy Evans

Why you should root for him: I know almost nothing about Jeremy Evans. I know that early this season (or maybe it was the preseason) he had maybe the highlight of the year when he blocked some poor guy on one end and dunked on some poor guy on the other end. (Ed.- It was only one poor guy, and yes of course it was Ronny Turiaf.) I'm not doing it justice, hold on.

See!? Whoa. Great play amirite? Kid can fly. Anywho, the only other thing I know about him is that he won the dunk contest last year. But I have no recollection of a single dunk he did. I'm not going to look it up because last year's dunk contest was probably the worst ever and bummed me out so much. I don't want to relive that monstrosity. What I do want, though, is for Jeremy Evans to make up for last year's entire contest. Since he is the lone holdover--the defending champion, no less--he needs to carry the mantle. He needs to seek untamed redemption in his dunks. The only way we can forget about last year's Kenny Smith-led circus of tears is by having our palettes cleansed by a stunning performance by the champ.

Ideal contest-winning dunk: Have the lights in the arena turned up as bright as possible. Tape his mouth shut so he can't give a pointless pre-dunk interview with Nick Cannon.Write the word "PROP" on the basketball with a black magic marker and put the ball through his legs as he dunks over a mic-less Kenny Smith.

What it should be called: The Apology

Odds he will win: Not very good.

Requisite YouTube viewing: Ugh, fine, here are last year's highlights.

Dave's Pick: Gerald Green

Why you should root for him: I graduated from high school in 2005. As such, I took particular interest in the high school players drafted that year (the last year high school guys were allowed to be drafted). Green was drafted by the Celtics and immediately became a guy I followed closely. Though he was part of the worst Celtics team ever, I was sad to see him get tossed into the Garnett trade and even sadder to see him slowly wash out of the league after winning the 2008 dunk contest by blowing out a candle in a cupcake on the rim and dunking between his legs with his shoes off. I was mad at him for not panning out despite his superb athletic ability, but then I thought about it another way. Gerald Green initially fell out of the NBA in 2009, leaving him temporarily unemployed. You know which other 22 year olds were unemployed in 2009? ALL OF THEM. Gerald took his talents to Russia and China. After bouncing around our frenemy nations, Gerald somehow wound up on the Nets about a year ago (his experience working under Russian ownership was probably helpful... or not... who cares) and wound up throwing down the meanest alley-oop windmill ever seen by man. He's now on the Pacers, but who cares. He's back in the dunk contest, in his hometown, the places where he made his name. He's come all the way back. Let him eat cake.

Ideal contest-winning dunk: One-handed windmill while eating a cupcake with the other hand. Look at the top left of this page. I know what you're thinking: "That looks cool, but why isn't he eating that?" Well, it's probably moldy now and the icing is probably hard as a rock, but here's his chance!

What it should be called: The Cake Eater

Odds he will win: 4-1

Requisite YouTube viewing: That mean alley-oop windmill I was talking about. 

Pete's Pick: Kenneth "The Manimal" Faried

Why you should root for him: He’s from Newark, New Jersey. He’s a fine upstanding young man. He respects his elders and his hair is stunning. He’s a serious baller, too. The Nuggets rarely run a set for Faried but he still finds a way to get his fingerprints all over the stat sheet. And the hustle plays--he works his behind off, all game long. Never complains and will one day be an amazing scorer. He’s already an aerial threat the likes of which have never been seen.

Ideal contest-winning dunk: An alley-oop, body-twisting, eye-popping, sexually appealing (in a basketball way) one-handed, throw-down-the-rock-hard dunk. Some variation of that. If you haven’t seen Faried dunk--well, then, you best call someone. Or just turn on one of the many machines that are capable of showing the Sprite Slam Dunk Contest and tune in. Faried did not get his nickname by chillin’ out below the rim, doing math homework and playing World of Warcraft. This gentlemen flies high, early and often, to the rack. Ty Lawson closes his eyes and hurls the ball within the general vicinity of the Manimal. Faried then arrives from nowhere and like a bolt of thunder, makes everyone watching jump a little bit when he dunks: always with minimal regard for human life. Unlike thunder, when Faried dunks, it’s not scary. I hate thunder.  Not the Thunder of Oklahoma City, thunder like the weather thunder.

What it should be called: The Manimalwich

Odds he will win: Bet your mortgage on it, big boy.

Requisite YouTube viewing: Faried's top ten plays of his rookie season. Number seven is great stuff, posterizing the ghost of Chris Kaman and then subtly staring him down on the jog back.

Why You (Yes, You!) Should Watch the NBA Rising Stars Challenge

The purpose of the draft lottery is to help struggling teams get better players. This has the side effect of ensuring that you NEVER get to see the good young players on national TV, because they are on awful teams (don’t pretend you’d recognize Brandon Knight if you saw him walking around town). That said, the Rising Stars game gives a regular, non-League Pass NBA fan like myself something they don’t get to see: the good young guys. Sure, you’ve probably seen plenty of Kahwi Leonard and the Manimal, but there are a ton of talented young players that you basically heard about until they got drafted and never saw again. In this one meaningless circus of a game, you get to see all of them.

I had never seen Kyrie Irving play until last year’s Rising Stars game. He only played a handful of college games and, frankly, I don’t watch much college basketball anyway. I really had no idea what we were getting with this guy (the Uncle Drew video hadn’t happened yet). Kyrie went 8-8 from three in last year’s game and pretty much dominated everything, plus we got to see his fantastic handle.

I was sold. I immediately started watching every possible Cavs game I could get access to (mostly when they happened to be on at bars). I went to the first Cavs-Nets game at Barclays this season just to see that handle, and Kyrie didn’t disappoint. My girlfriend got me an Irving t-shirt for Christmas (thanks!) and I can’t wait to see him in the main event next weekend. The guy is already my favorite non-Celtic. All thanks to this silly exhibition.

Don’t get me wrong here, this thing is barely a game. It’s pretty much all behind-the-back, alley-oop windmill dunks, spin moves and centers shooting threes. There are almost no passes between two guys who are both standing on the ground and defense is limited to Greg Monroe messing with John Wall’s off-the-bounce self-oop. The game is played in 20-minute halves and guys get added last minute based on things like Linsanity and having a cool flat-top. Last year, the teams combined for 279 points. In short, it was awesome.

Wherever you are next Friday night, take this opportunity to check out guys who used to just be names to you. You probably won’t get many more chances to see Andre Drummond, Damian Lillard, Alexey Shved and too many Bobcats, Pistons and non-Irving Cavs play again. Oh, and Kyrie will be there too.

Also, THIS STUFF:

All-Star Weekend: Best Coast, Beast Coast

Let’s open this post by saying that we, the No Regard staff, do not support nor condone violence, unless it is simulated or the result of really cool explosions in a Michael Bay movie. We hate real violence, though, and we were as shocked and saddened as anyone by the slayings of Tupac Shakur and Christopher Wallace in 1996 and 1997, respectively. So please know that we’re not glorifying any of that.

That said, I mean, come on. Who among our readers has never thought about that fateful mid-90s coastal rap feud when thinking about the NBA All-Star Game? It’s too easy. East vs. West. Shifting allegiances. Players who are largely—and we acknowledge and accept the arguably dicey territory we’re getting into here—hip-hop fans and some of whom even hang out with rappers.

So considering all that, we couldn’t pass up the idea of matching up this year’s All-Star Game starting rosters with some of the key players from the East vs. West hip-hop feud that shook up the pre-millenium years. Most of the rappers here were on the Bad Boy and Death Row rosters, but there is one (or depending on what career era you’re looking at, a few) exception. Our matches are based on similarities in career paths, styles, and, to some extent, gut feelings we couldn’t get over. We’ve also offered sample lyrics for each that we believe speak to the similarities between the rappers and the players.

Here goes something.

All-Star Weekend: You Know We Got Skills

The Skills Challenge may be the single most divisive part of NBA All-Star Weekend. Some find it to be a riveting look at the little things that make NBA point guards great. Others think it is incredibly boring, especially when compared to fan favorites like the Dunk Contest and the 3-Point Shootout. We here at No Regard think it's a pretty good watch, but we agree that the NBA could do something to spice it up. Namely, add to the course these non-basketball skills there we're modestly proposing. You know, stuff to break up the tedium that folks who aren't junkies might find in dribbling and passing accuracy and whatnot. Below, we've listed five skills we think should be added to this year's Challenge (aka the Taco Bell All-Star 2011 Skills Challenge) immediately, as well as the NBA players—whether point guards or not—who would really own that skill.

First up: Burritos.

All-Star Weekend: The Dunks of Our Lives

The dunk contest holds a very special place in our hearts over here at No Regard, as it does in the hearts of most NBA fans. While the All-Star game itself is generally a fairly entertaining event, the weekend's pinnacle arguably comes at the end of Saturday night, when we get to watch four of the world's greatest jumpers face off in a battle of athleticism and creativity.

This year's competition seems poised to generate some memorable jams, but DeMar, Serge, Blake, and JaVale will have to step it up if they want to match these staff all-time favorites.

Andrew Abides: Dwight Howard's Superman (2008)



My infatuation with the dunk contest has long bordered on mania. Since I first learned the names Cedric Ceballos and Harold Miner, my love for dunks has resided within 10 feet on either side of the border between obsession and sickness. To put it bluntly: I still have the page I ripped out of Slam Magazine that featured Lil Penny bemoaning that cancelled 1998 dunk contest.

Needless to say, I was deeply affected as I watched the contest become stale in the years leading up to Dwight's ascension.

All-Star Weekend: The Dunks of Our Lives

The dunk contest holds a very special place in our hearts over here at No Regard, as it does in the hearts of most NBA fans. While the All-Star game itself is generally a fairly entertaining event, the weekend's pinnacle arguably comes at the end of Saturday night, when we get to watch four of the world's greatest jumpers face off in a battle of athleticism and creativity.

This year's competition seems poised to generate some memorable jams, but DeMar, Serge, Blake, and JaVale will have to step it up if they want to match these staff all-time favorites.

Peter Brownell: Gerald Green's Birthday Cake (2008)



If you scroll to the top of our website you'll find a remarkable picture. In the foreground is a flying Gerald Green, basketball above his head lifted by both hands, blowing out the candle on a cupcake he had just meticulously placed on the back of the rim. In the background stand LeBron James and Amar'e Stoudemire, wearing brown trench-coats, drinking in the spectacle in front of them, awe-struck.

All-Star Weekend: The Dunks of Our Lives

The dunk contest holds a very special place in our hearts over here at No Regard, as it does in the hearts of most NBA fans. While the All-Star game itself is generally a fairly entertaining event, the weekend's pinnacle arguably comes at the end of Saturday night, when we get to watch four of the world's greatest jumpers face off in a battle of athleticism and creativity.

This year's competition seems poised to generate some memorable jams, but DeMar, Serge, Blake, and JaVale will have to step it up if they want to match these staff all-time favorites.


Adam Ain't: Dee Brown's No See Dee (1991)



If we're going to talk about Dunk Contests that stand out in our minds, I don't know how I can talk about anything but Dee Brown's 1991 performance. It was not only the first Dunk Contest I ever saw, but it was one that my brother, a Celtics fan, would talk about for months to come.

All-Star Weekend: Top Five Musical Performances in ASW History

While the Super Bowl may get all the winter sporting event musical performance headlines, the NBA All-Star Weekend has churned out some pretty great tunage over the years. Here's our list of the top five musical performances from All-Star Weekends past. Oh, and a note: yes, I know Vanilla Ice performed at halftime in 1992. Trust me, he was this close to making the cut.

#5: Mariah Carey Pays Tribute to MJ (2003)



Michael Jordan played his final NBA All-Star game in 2003, and the NBA went all out for his in-game honors. At halftime, Mariah Carey donned two different variants of MJ jerseys--one Bulls, one Wizards--and gave him one high-pitched sendout. Not prime Mariah by any means, but enough to lead Michael to get on stage and cry.

Welcome to All-Star Week!

Hey y'all! All-Star Weekend is merely four days away! Are you excited? We're excited! And we've got some good stuff coming up this week to celebrate the best weekend out of all the weekends! So stay tuned and get ready for dunks, skills, threes, rookies, sophomores, and more stars than there are in heaven. (That's for you, Pete "Mr. Neglects Awesome Bands in Posts About Hoboken" Brownell.)

No Regard Daily Previews: See You In LA!

Big night tonight for NBA addicts. Not only do we get LeBron James tearing up MSG but, as we all know, live on TNT, Kenny, Ernie, and Chuck will be announcing the starters in this year's All-Star Game.

My appetite is whetted, and has been some time, anticipating what is going to be a show-stopping East vs. West battle come February. The league is chock full of talented talents with neither conference having a decided edge.

Will the NBA's wunderkid, Blake Griffin, get the nod? Does Minnesota's lovable Love have the national presence to beat out worldwide favorites like Dirk or KD? What about the East? Two Heatles starting? How about Chicago's precious Rose? We'll have these answers, and many more, within just a few short hours.

After the announcement, love him or hate him, LeBron will be taking his talents to Madison Square Garden, where he unquestionably owns the world's most famous arena. This is a must-watch. Expect James to shine under the bright lights, bait the New York fans, and perform at his best. I wouldn't bet against a triple-double and some sick, eye-popping highlights from LBJ tonight.

Get your popcorn ready, Association fans.

Team Dreamin' 2011: NBA All Star Weekend

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

I have believed for some time now that the Saturday night events at the NBA's All-Star weekend rank as the best All-Star events for any current American professional sports league. However, there is a certain competition that Stern has yet to implement that he needs to seriously consider. This event would kill it.

How about it, David? Host a 1 on 1 tournament in Los Angeles during this years All-Star festivities.

Whoa. I know, crazy right? But ponder it for a moment and try and come up with some sort of legitimate argument which suggests that hosting an 8 person 1 on 1 tournament during All-Star weekend is not a brilliant idea for David Stern to think about.

Here's how the single elimination style tourney should be played out. Select 8 potential 1 on 1 players in the NBA via fan voting. For argument's sake: Kobe, Lebron, Melo, Cp3, Wade, Howard, Durant, and Rondo receive the most votes and all agree to compete in LA. The names are put into a hat and the bracket is randomly selected by luck of the draw. First round and semi-final games would be played to 7 with 3's counting as 2's and 2's counting for 1. The final match will be played to 11. Please take a moment and picture what might be witnessed if this were to go down.

Everyone grows up playing 1 on 1. It is ball in its most basic and fundamental form. Undoubtedly, games are won and lost based on the outcome of individual 1 on 1 battles throughout 4 quarters of play. Being able to watch the most ridiculous ballers in the world go at it in a 1 on 1 situation would be unforgettable. Seriously, let's put aside the "What if someone gets hurt?" nonsense and facilitate the coolest thing ever this February.