No Regard Presidential Previews: Los Angeles Clippers (Bill Clinton)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

“I may not have been the greatest president, but I had the most fun eight years.” - Bill Clinton

A young, charismatic democrat took office, leading the country into a new era of Cool. The budget was balanced, new social programs were enacted and the United States enjoyed its longest period of peacetime economic expansion. Bill Clinton's presidency was a fun time to be an American, and Bill was a solid President as long as you can look past a couple glaring personal controversies, none of which really had anything to do with his political acumen.

The Lob City Clippers are one of the most electrifying teams in the NBA. Chris Paul and Blake Griffin are the league's most fun alley-oop combination. Griffin is a fan favorite and stars in nearly as many commercials as Peyton Manning. Chauncey Billups returns this year and Lamar Odom brings a lot to the table as well. The forest is wonderful to look at, but some of the trees are troublesome. 

Having a team with Chris Paul and Blake Griffin on it sure is exciting, but like a certain impeachment following an improper relationship with dear old Monica Lewinsky, one must not forget the questionable dealings that sent CP3 to the Staples Center in the first place. A fairly equitable trade of Paul to the Lakers was vetoed by none other than David J. Stern, and within the week, CP3 moved to LA's former redheaded stepchild franchise. Lob City was born. 

Other non-political concerns about our sax-playing, NAFTA-signing, Welfare-reforming 42nd President include the Whitewater controversy and the essentially forgotten Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones maybe-affairs. Similarly, it seems NBA fans at large have forgotten that Clippers owner Donald Sterling is a racist slumlord and that Lamar Odom basically sulked his way through last season for the Mavericks before being cut, electing to keep a completely unearned $8 million. Neither of these things should affect how the Clips play this year, and just as Clinton left office with the highest approval rating ever despite being impeached, the Clippers are selling out road games and are among the league's most fun franchises. The future is bright for the "other" LA team, so long as Griffin's knees fare better than the tech bubble at the tail end of the Clinton years.

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Hitmonlee

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: “Will Blake Griffin Make 'The Leap'?”

Headline we're most looking forward to: “Lamar Odom Smacked in Face by Mark Cuban Following Road Loss to Mavericks”

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: “This place just got way cooler.”

No Regard Preview: The Legend

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: New Jersey Nets vs. Detroit Pistons

Did you know that Lawrence Frank is the only coach in the four major American sports leagues to go 13-0 in his first 13 games as the head coach of a new team? Did you know that, just like Michael Jordan, he got cut from his high school basketball team? Did you know that tonight Larry Frank returns home to New Jersey where his legendary status was certified?

Sure, some of you out there are going to watch two Eastern conferences favorites, Chicago and Philadelphia, battle it out in the City of Brotherly Love tonight. Others might look to a rematch of the Western Conference Finals, OKC vs. Dallas, to get their NBA fix this evening. And perhaps there are even some of you out there sick enough to take in the Wizards vs. Magic game for some dumb reason like, "I'm from Orlando, jerk." Yeah, yeah, whatever.

But for us, tonight is all about the Nets, the Pistons and Lawrence Frank—a man with two first names that never let his lack of basketball ability stand in the way of his undying passion for the game. Is Lawrence Frank perfect? Maybe not, but he's as close as any mortal walking planet earth. Is Lawrence Frank mortal? We're not sure.

Welcome home, Lawrence Frank.

One Game We Definitely Will Not Watch Tonight: Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Clippers



Just in case you somehow forgot that this happened. (This is not to say we don't have an interest in seeing Blake's prey become a bloody memory right before our eyes tonight, it's just that we're on the east coast and we've got to catch up on some sleep. Sorry we're not sorry.)

No Regard Recap: Parsons The New School for Dunks

One Game We Watched Last Night: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Houston Rockets

Clippers: 117, Rockets: 89

Notching what was undoubtedly their most impressive performance in the CP3 era, the Clippers were piping hot in a dominating victory against the Kevin McHale led Rockets. Sparked by a 41 point first quarter, Lob City was on full display as Blake and company spent the majority of the evening with their genitals far above the rim. When we heard that Chris Paul had been traded to the Clippers we were tickled, mainly because it gave them another player on their roster with two first names, but also because of that whole alley-oop business. Last night, we got what we came for.

As for the Rockets, the bright note is Chandler Parsons. The rookie from Florida tallied 8 boards, 11 points and one highlight dunk over Blake in a solid effort off the bench. NBA you have been warned, Chandler Parsons is a bad man.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

Mavericks: 98, Suns: 89

Considering Dirk played in his 1,000th career NBA game and Nash scored his 10,000 NBA point, it seems pretty rude that neither posted anything on twitter about where they ended up after the game. All we got from Steve was, "Tough loss. Great to have @DA_Finster in the building! Hope he gets on a team soon. Need a win Friday planet orange!!" And absolutely nothing from Nowitzki. Really ridiculous. We don't throw around the words "selfish" and "fake" very often on this Website, but seriously guys? Not even an, "Out with Steve after our win, should be interesting," from @swish41? What good is 2012 if you can't find out via the Internet where people you've never meet before, yet are oddly obsessed with, are drinking liquor?

Question(s) of the Day: LA Edition

NBA fans everywhere got out of bed this morning, barrelled down their stairs, and barked out a joyous,"Yipeee!" as they started their day. Word that Chris Paul would be joining the Clip Show broke late last night and dreaming of him paired alongside Blake Griffin is about as appetizing as it gets to the NBA geek and casual fan alike. To celebrate, we've compiled a list of questions that came to mind when we heard the news. Please note that these questions regard not only the Clippers but the entire Los Angeles basketball scene:

If You See Something, Say Something: Bullies, Bibby and Starbury For Life!

IYSSSS is our semi-regular internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

Starbury Dominating Life in China: Fear not, Stephon Marbury lovers, the former Lincoln High School superstar is having his cake on the other side of the world, and crushing it too. According to William Rhoden's New York Times piece, Steph writes for a local paper, is a therapist to the other American players in China, is at peace with his life, and has an amazing apartment. All while averaging 22.3 points per game and leading the Beijing Ducks to an undefeated season to date. Get some, Steph.

David Stern Demands Lunch Money: According to this ESPN.com article, Deron Williams isn't so fond of the commissioner's propensity to give wedgies, push other kids on the playground and smoke cigarettes on school grounds. "You're fighting a bully, man. David Stern is a bully," the superstar guard stated when asked about the Chris Paul situation. Williams did confirm, though, that he does have at least one ally at school: "But I have friends, like, Dwight's my friend, so if I wanna call him and talk to him, I'm gonna call him and talk to him."

No Regard Staffer Joins Knicks!: Popular NBA blogger Mike Bibby has a new team and a fresh start in New York City. The former member of the Grizzles, Kings, Hawks, Wizards and Heat stated that he's "always wanted to play for Mike D'Antoni," in this YouTube video. We couldn't be happier for our special little guy and we expect to hear from the man himself soon!

Clippers Seeking CP3 For Two Reasons: With the Lakers no longer in play, the Clip Show is apparently doing its best to land the most wanted point guard in the league, according to this NBA.com article. If you like players with two first names and alley-oops, check out the 2011-2012 Los Angeles Clippers!

No Regard Daily Previews: See You In LA!

Big night tonight for NBA addicts. Not only do we get LeBron James tearing up MSG but, as we all know, live on TNT, Kenny, Ernie, and Chuck will be announcing the starters in this year's All-Star Game.

My appetite is whetted, and has been some time, anticipating what is going to be a show-stopping East vs. West battle come February. The league is chock full of talented talents with neither conference having a decided edge.

Will the NBA's wunderkid, Blake Griffin, get the nod? Does Minnesota's lovable Love have the national presence to beat out worldwide favorites like Dirk or KD? What about the East? Two Heatles starting? How about Chicago's precious Rose? We'll have these answers, and many more, within just a few short hours.

After the announcement, love him or hate him, LeBron will be taking his talents to Madison Square Garden, where he unquestionably owns the world's most famous arena. This is a must-watch. Expect James to shine under the bright lights, bait the New York fans, and perform at his best. I wouldn't bet against a triple-double and some sick, eye-popping highlights from LBJ tonight.

Get your popcorn ready, Association fans.

Houston, we Have a Dunk Contest

Wowzers, do we ever! According to the LA Times, this year's dunk contest will field the following four competitors: Blake Griffin, Serge Ibaka, JaVale McGee, and Brandon Jennings. Which means we have, respectively, the most exciting dunker to come along in years; the biggest dreamboat in the NBA; the man who dominated this past summer league's highlight reel, and the league's cult star du jour.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this lineup. Another Dwight/Nate showdown would have literally made me vomit up my heart. Literally.

But this...whew. A chance for legit creativity. The promise of at least two players becoming household names. No gimmicks, just sheer, awe-inspiring athleticism.

Good look, dunk contest. This one's for you:

No Regard Daily Previews: Tortoise and Hare

One Game We Are Definitely Going To Watch Tonight:
Boston Celtics vs. Denver Nuggets


Tonight's featured match up pits a classic run-and-gun high octane offense against a stone-cold, blue-collar defense. It should be great to watch and see if George Karl's hectic style can solve Boston's lockdown D. The key battle will be between Pierce and Anthony: can the Truth handle the jab-step and smile, or will Melo be able to handle the Truth?

Speaking of Melo (can you believe he's still on the Nuggets?), despite a drop in his scoring average, 22.8 down from last season's 28.2, he remains one of the best closers in the league and perhaps the purest scorer of his generation. (I'd love to hear some feedback in the comments section on that debate!) Off the bench, George Karl has found himself a sprightly backup for Billups in the form of former Tar Heel Ty Lawson, whose 8.8 points and four assists per contest have been pivotal in Denver's 13-7 start.

The Right Hand Is Coming Back

"If they ask me to do it, I'll do it." - Blake Griffin on the NBA dunk contest.

No Regard Daily Previews: 11-22-10

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight:
San Antonio Spurs Vs. Orlando Magic

Since 1997, Tim Duncan's draft year, at least two things have been constant for the Spurs. Winning and the ability to avoid any sort of drama or controversy. So ever since hearing about Tony Parker's recent off the court activities, I've wondered how this Spurs club might be affected by their first ever wave of media attention for something other than their dominance on the basketball court. If their response is anything like their sizzling start to this season, then San Antonio will be fine.

Sometimes The Mirror Holds A Surprise

No Regard Daily Previews: 11-15-10

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight:
Dallas Mavericks vs. New Orleans Hornets

Perhaps the two largest surprises so far this season have been the mediocre Miami Heat and the perfect New Orleans Hornets. What's made CP3 and the gang so good so far this year? First, CP3 himself, quite obviously. With injuries cutting short his minutes last year, Paul looks like a rejuvenated man playing as if he's got something to prove. Maybe all the attention Rondo received after his playoff performance last spring pissed Paul off and he's taking it out on opposing defenses, hoping to show once again that he's the alpha dog of NBA PG's. Whatever the case may be, Chris Paul is back this year, in a big way.