No Regard Daily Previews: 11-22-10

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight:
San Antonio Spurs Vs. Orlando Magic

Since 1997, Tim Duncan's draft year, at least two things have been constant for the Spurs. Winning and the ability to avoid any sort of drama or controversy. So ever since hearing about Tony Parker's recent off the court activities, I've wondered how this Spurs club might be affected by their first ever wave of media attention for something other than their dominance on the basketball court. If their response is anything like their sizzling start to this season, then San Antonio will be fine.

Team Dreamin' 2011: SPURS

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

Ok, give me some eyes San Antonio, I'm going to lay some truth on you. Nobody likes you. I know, I know Tim Duncan is sweet as pudding and he's never hurt a fly and Tony Parker must be hilarious (I mean, he'd have to be right?), but still, we don't like you. We don't hate you. In fact, we nothing the shit out of you. You're boring. You're as boring as a conversation about Phish live. You're as boring as a marathon of student films. You're as boring as sex with a hipster. You defend well, you do all of the things commentators say you should do, you have a delightfully angry/yelly coach, your team does things in the post-season that it doesn't know how to spell in season games...oh, and also you're boring.

I mean Christ on toast, your star player's nickname is The Big Fundamental. Are you serious? This is the NBA. Here are a few acceptable nick names: Agent Zero, The Black Mamba, The Glide, The Doctor. Acceptable nick names for the Springfield Rotarian Society's Badmitten and Bake-Off Retreat? You guessed it.

But don't fret, all is not lost. I have three suggestions to shape up this franchise. 

Round 2 Coming Attractions: Phoenix-San Antonio

We here at No Regard love our stories. And the playoffs are where each narrative strand that was teased in the regular season is shredded or affirmed. So, here are the second round series as we see them. Some of them are late; so was Kanye's second album, and you used to love his blog. Faced. Thank you.

The NBA, or any professional sports league for that matter, has never seen a pair of twins more likely to attempt a good, old-fashioned, PG-rated Twin Switcharoo than the Lopez brothers. The guys are not only well-documented goofballs, but Mouse House junkies as well. Peep this, from a 2008 Sports Illustrated piece by Ramona Shelburne:

"Their dorm rooms at Stanford are filled with Disney figurines. They know every single shred of Disney trivia. Names of obscure characters, the actors who voiced every part, Walt Disney's favorite color. And being Stanford students, they have been known to get into spirited intellectual debates on the relative merits of traditional animation versus computer generated characters."

No doubt The Parent Trap was their favorite movie for a minute. They must be downright giddy right now that they're about to pull off the coup they rambunctiously plotted many a night while riding a mean Dr. Pepper sugar high.

Robin didn't play game one of the series, but word is he'll most likely get some burn later on. How convenient: We haven't seen Brook since April 14, definitely enough time for a Stanford grad to learn the Suns' sets. During the regular season, Brook held Duncan to 13 and 14 points, so not a bad replacement for his brother, who also had some luck against the Big Fundamental this year. If the Suns' miracle training staff was able to heal Robin, they would have applied the salve before the playoffs so he was ready for round one. But they didn't, so now we all get to watch two kids stick it to all those mean grown-ups out there.

That's really all I have. We all know this is going to be great.

You honestly want analysis of the basketball at hand here? Okay. Popovich and the Spurs in the playoffs are always something something something. Steve Nash just sees the game something and at his age is still something something. You know the big guys on both teams (Ginobili, Duncan, Stoudemire, etc.) are something and something, but the the x-factors here blah blah blah. If the Suns want to win, they are going to need Jason Richardson to words, analysis and words. Also, home-court advantage really means nothing to the Spurs and Amar'e is one championship run away from making those Rec Specs iconic. Needless to say, we're looking at a donnybrook here.

The only other thing the Suns need to worry about is the original Stanford twin NBAer Jarron Collins tattling on the Lopez kids, ruining the giddy rouse for all of us.

Defining quote
Hallie: I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea!

Suns in 7