At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.
Ok, give me some eyes San Antonio, I'm going to lay some truth on you. Nobody likes you. I know, I know Tim Duncan is sweet as pudding and he's never hurt a fly and Tony Parker must be hilarious (I mean, he'd have to be right?), but still, we don't like you. We don't hate you. In fact, we nothing the shit out of you. You're boring. You're as boring as a conversation about Phish live. You're as boring as a marathon of student films. You're as boring as sex with a hipster. You defend well, you do all of the things commentators say you should do, you have a delightfully angry/yelly coach, your team does things in the post-season that it doesn't know how to spell in season games...oh, and also you're boring.
I mean Christ on toast, your star player's nickname is The Big Fundamental. Are you serious? This is the NBA. Here are a few acceptable nick names: Agent Zero, The Black Mamba, The Glide, The Doctor. Acceptable nick names for the Springfield Rotarian Society's Badmitten and Bake-Off Retreat? You guessed it.
But don't fret, all is not lost. I have three suggestions to shape up this franchise.
