Larry Frank's London Adventure

With the New York Knicks and the Detroit Pistons facing off in London, England today, we can only imagine the sort of trouble Pistons Head Coach Larry Frank must be have gotten himself into during his team's European field trip. To celebrate the historic trip for Frank, we do our best to hypothesize the zany adventures the Teaneck, NJ native has embarked on since arriving on foreign soil.

Riding the Tube - Having spent much of his life in the New York metro area, it's safe to assume that Coach Frank knows a thing or two about public transit. So you better believe that he was all about London's famous subway system. Frank obviously forced his players to ride just for the sake of riding during one of their afternoons off, vigorously pointing out the differences between the MTA and the Tube during the exhausting four-hour ordeal.

Visiting Big Ben - A coach must instill in his players the importance of punctuality. Frank absolutely gave a heartfelt speech about how "80 percent of life is showing up on time" on the team bus, timing it perfectly so they would roll up into view of the famous clock just as he hit the climax of his speech. He also threw in some points about time management and a Ben Wallace joke, just to make sure he hit all his bases.

Tea and Scones with the Royal Family - A leader is a leader is a leader—at least that's what Coach Frank probably thinks. And what better way to learn about being in charge of other people then by talking turkey over white flour and caffeine with one of the more ambiguous monarchies on the planet.

Meet and Greet With Tottenham Hotspur - The London-based football club sports two Americans on their roster, Clint Dempsey and Brad Friedel, so for Frank, the opportunity for his guys to mingle with the local footballers was a no brainer. Athletes are athletes are athletes, he probably hammered to his team before the small talk about how much it rains in London commenced.

Messing Around With the Bobbies - It can't be all work and no play during Frank and Detriot's glorious trip.  Players were undoubtedly encouraged to fool around with the statue-like policemen of London and the best picture was awarded a prize to be named later. "What good is a trip like this without a few chuckles, right men?"  The prize is likely to be a free-throw session with coach Frank after practice one afternoon.

No Regard Previews: A Prince Among Men

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Milwaukee Bucks vs. New Orleans Hornets

There is only one division-leading squad taking the hardwood tonight in the Association. This same team happens to also be the employer of none other than the spectacular Luc Richard Mbah a Moute.

Did you know that Luc Richard Mbah a Moute is a Prince in Bia Messe, a village in Cameroon?

Were you aware that he has a brother playing college ball for the University of Texas? Hook em' horns!!

Any chance you are privy to the fact that he's played a total of 235 career NBA games? For all you mathematicians out there, that's 235 more NBA games than you've played (unless, by chance, you're a player in the NBA and reading our blog, if so, we love you and you're my favorite player ever). 

No Regard For Human Life, where facts happen. (Also, don't forget to donate to Wikipedia!)

One Game We Definitely Won't Watch Tonight: Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Detroit Pistons

Last season, the point-guard stylings of Ricky Rubio were cruelly stripped from our lives far too prematurely.  Now, during the budding stages of this 2012-2013 season, the gentleman whom, after seeing him play in person for the first time, our own Andrew Abides suggested was, "the only thing that matters" is watching his team play in church clothes from the bench. 

Kyrie Irving, the dazzling magician charged with easing the blow of LeBron's exit from Cleveland to South Beach, is injured and quite frankly (mind if I'm frank?), it's a real buzz-kill.

So instead of watching a young dude with the bollocks to challenge Kobe Bryant to a one-on-one game for serious dollar bills, the honest and hardworking people of Detroit, Michigan will have to settle for watching Coach Frank man the sidelines. Listen, nobody respects Lawrence more than our staff here, but right now his squad could use a most extreme makeover and his wacky antics alone an entertaining evening at the Palace do not make. Kyrie, get well soon.

One Final Game We Probably Won't Catch Tonight Either: Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Clippers

After defeating the Sacramento Kings on Saturday, Clipper reserve and tattooed journeyman Matt Barnes, who notched 12 professional basketball points during the competition, stated, "It's a long season, and it's important to get the production out of your starters and your bench."

Agreed, Matt. Well-said.

No Regard Presidential Previews: Detroit Pistons (Martin Van Buren)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

"As to the presidency, the two happiest days of my life were those of my entrance upon the office and my surrender of it." - Martin Van Buren

It sure is difficult for the No Regard staff to think about the Detroit Pistons these days without being reminded of the fact that their beautiful head coach, Larry Frank, exists. And ever since I discovered (tonight) that a man named Martin Van Buren once existed and also happened to be the eighth President of America, it has become almost equally as traumatic for me to ponder the life of Van Buren without fondly being reminded of the spectacular Frank.

The parallels between Van Buren and Frank are plentiful and striking. Van Buren, the first ever President to be born an American citizen, started his pursuit of politics at the ripe age of 17, attending a party convention in Troy, New York with the hopes of securing a Congressional nomination for John Van Ness. Frank went to Indiana University with the intention of being mentored by legendary coach Bob Knight.

Both were born in New York, the coach in New York City and the President in Kinderhook (about 25 miles south of Albany). Both faced challenges that freaked the hell out of people—for Van Buren it was the financial scare known as the Panic of 1837; for Frank it is the lineup consisting of Jonas Jerebko, Greg Monroe, Tayshaun Prince, Rodney Stuckey and Brandon Knight.

I do not know what the two happiest days of Larry Frank's life are but I can predict: The day he landed the Pistons head coaching job (that or the Nets) and the day he is let go so he can pursue coaching a team with an actual chance to win some NBA games. 

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Butterfree

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Tayshaun Prince Wants That Rock" 

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Frank Hired To Replace Coach K For Team USA"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "DE-TROIT BASKETBALL! Sorry always wanted to do that... Do you guys still do that?"

No Regard Preview: The Legend

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: New Jersey Nets vs. Detroit Pistons

Did you know that Lawrence Frank is the only coach in the four major American sports leagues to go 13-0 in his first 13 games as the head coach of a new team? Did you know that, just like Michael Jordan, he got cut from his high school basketball team? Did you know that tonight Larry Frank returns home to New Jersey where his legendary status was certified?

Sure, some of you out there are going to watch two Eastern conferences favorites, Chicago and Philadelphia, battle it out in the City of Brotherly Love tonight. Others might look to a rematch of the Western Conference Finals, OKC vs. Dallas, to get their NBA fix this evening. And perhaps there are even some of you out there sick enough to take in the Wizards vs. Magic game for some dumb reason like, "I'm from Orlando, jerk." Yeah, yeah, whatever.

But for us, tonight is all about the Nets, the Pistons and Lawrence Frank—a man with two first names that never let his lack of basketball ability stand in the way of his undying passion for the game. Is Lawrence Frank perfect? Maybe not, but he's as close as any mortal walking planet earth. Is Lawrence Frank mortal? We're not sure.

Welcome home, Lawrence Frank.

One Game We Definitely Will Not Watch Tonight: Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Clippers



Just in case you somehow forgot that this happened. (This is not to say we don't have an interest in seeing Blake's prey become a bloody memory right before our eyes tonight, it's just that we're on the east coast and we've got to catch up on some sleep. Sorry we're not sorry.)

A Frank Conversation: Breakfast With the Franks

Ever since the Nets hired Larry Frank as their full-time head coach, the Teaneck native has burrowed a special place in the hearts of the No Regard editorial staff. Be it his passion for hoops, his boyish looks and demeanor, or the fact that he has two first names, whatever the reason, simply stated, we heart Larry Frank. This undying passion is the motivation behind our new feature: A Frank Conversation, where we look at a hypothetical conversation in the life of the legend, Lawrence Frank.

Breakfast at the Franks:
(Larry Frank is eating pancakes with syrup and is drinking a tall glass of OJ. Susan Frank, Larry's wife, is preparing school lunches for the Frank's two daughters, and Larry. Larry is scribbling notes.)

Larry: Susan, question for you!

Susan: Yes, Larry?

Larry: What sort of offense does the coach of our daughters' basketball team run?

Susan: They don't play basketball.

Larry: Well, I don't have time to find out for sure, but I really hope that isn't true! Susan, question!

Susan: Yes, Larry?

Larry: I can't wait to work with Rodney Stucky on his post-up game.

Susan: That isn't a question, Larry.

Larry: ...

Susan: Do you want the pizza Lunchables today or the ham and cheese?

Larry: Don't care, Susan. I'm busy right now.

Susan: Okay, pizza it is.

Larry: Susan!

Susan: Yes, Larry?

Larry: Good pancakes today, Susan. Thank you.

Susan: You're welcome, Larry.

(The Frank children walk down the stairs, preparing for school)

Larry: Girls, pop quiz! Who's the best point guard currently playing in the NBA?

Daughter #1: Chris Paul?

Larry: Nope! Rodney Stuckey, once I work on his pick-and-pop decision-making.

Daughter #2: Okay Dad.

Larry: Girls! Have a good day, listen to your teacher, and work on your left hand!

Daughter #1: We don't play basketball, Dad.

Larry: Girls! Please don't break Daddy's heart. Susan?

Susan: Yes, Larry.

Larry: Good OJ this morning...

Susan: Thank you, Larry.