No Regard Recaps: Kobe-the-Point

One Game We Watched Last Night: Phoenix Suns vs. Los Angeles Lakers

Suns: 96, Lakers: 86


So many storylines to discuss from this basketball game: Kobe's new role on the Lakers as Kobe-the-Point, the Suns rocking their old-school threads and Steve Nash returning to his old ball club. For me, though, everything in the NBA is about Kobe-the-Point these days.

No Regard Presidential Previews: Los Angeles Lakers (Ronald Reagan)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

"Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty." - Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan would please ask that you stay out of his way.

On March 30, 1981, Ronald Reagan became the first sitting U.S. president to survive a gunshot wound from an assassination attempt. Following the attack, just 69 days into his presidency, Reagan's approval rating shot up to 73% and then he went on to be one of the most successful, accomplished, divisive presidents over the course of his two terms. Not sure what was in that bullet, but we'd all be so lucky to get some.

Jerry Buss would please ask that you stay out of his way.

On December 8, 2011, Jerry Buss became the first acting NBA owner to survive a vetoed trade at the hands of Commissioner (and at that time, owner) David Stern. Like Reagan (and Obi-Wan) before him,  Buss made the assassination attempt look foolish. If you strike down Dr. Jerry Buss, he will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Take away his all-star point guard before he even gets a chance to don the jersey? He'll go out and get a Hall of Fame point guard and supplant him with Dwight Howard. Then start talking about going after LeBron in two years. You make him share his revenue? Fine, he'll make you tax him into oblivion just to see who blinks first. He's small government to the death and will gladly enter an arms race at the mention of another team's dynasty. We should all be so lucky.

There's a lot here: A Hollywood President. Reaganomics. Phil Jackson as Reagan's early Democratic tendencies. Reagan's War on Drugs and the fact that War on Drugs (the band) are huge NBA fans. Guys, it's all there if we just believe.

And then, there's Lakers fans and Young Republicans, who are probably all the same people. I guess Republicans read blogs, too, but you all seem crazy and entitled. I'm sorry. (I'm not sorry.)

Sorry, to ignore the actual basketball team that the Lakers are trotting out this year, but they are scary and I'm still getting better at facing my problems head on. Bedtime for Bonzo? More like bedtime for the rest of the league. We're all in trouble.

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Mewtwo

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Kobe and Dwight and Nash and Pau and World Peace"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Nash Takes Leave of Absence to Chase MLS Cup With Henry"[Ed. - We'll never stop this campaign.]

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "I give up."

No Regard Recaps: Potato Skins

One Game We Watched Last Night:  USA vs. Australia

Yanks: 119, Aussies: 86

I think Kobe heard the guy behind me at a T.G.I. Friday's in midtown Manhattan call him old.

Cause then he went off. Enough firepower to untuck his shirt. Not nothing.

And that was the story of the game. Or wait. Maybe the story of the game was Patty Mills doing his best Monta Ellis impression, but still falling short of a victory (so, actually, doing a pretty faithful Monta Ellis). No, the story may have really been LeBron's triple-double, first in Olympic history. Well, really, the story was probably the three-point-obsessed USA offense.

Sorry. My mistake. There was no story.

There's never been a story, at least throughout the entire 2012 Olympic campaign. Recently: The 2008 Games had the redemption plot. The 2010 FIBA World Championship team told a story about young players staking their claim of worthiness. But this 2012 team? They don't have anything and it's kind of boring. They are just so much more talented than the competition that they've rendered any discussion about them moot. The reason the Dream Team vs. The 2012 Team debate has enjoyed so much traction is that we have nothing else to talk about. This team's lack of bigs? Stop it.

We're forcing narrative and, in turn, forcing interest. Just because we've replaced one side with majesty and the other with nationalism, these games really aren't all that different from a Heat-Bobcats blowout in February. Except that they are on more televisions and only a few ticks away from a championship.

To get to the bathroom at the T.G.I. Friday's on Fifth Ave., I had to cut through some of the thickest malaise I've ever come across. These people had given up. Knives all around me cut through hardtack chicken with zombie determination. The condensation on over-sugared margaritas left rings of tears on the tabletops.

At its most base, we watch sports because we need something to fill the time. They distract us from tedious minutia, from unpleasant work, from crippling realities, from the fact that we're eating a Jack Daniel’s® Chicken Sandwich. The escapism is most effective when the narrative is strong, relatable, comforting. We gravitate to the underdog because that is perpetually us. A group of revolutionary minds upending social mores, a la Nelson or D'Antoni, excites us and gives us hope. Watching greatness gives us the optimism that Anything Is Possible.

But watching the Heat ruin the Bobcats? Just reminds us once again that the big guy always wins. And this Olympic team? Until we find a narrative string to lift us up, it's the same thing.

I left the T.G.I. Friday's and walked fast to distance myself as quickly as possible. It was still light out.

No Regard Recaps: A Dream Come True?

One Game We Watched This Weekend: Boston Celtics vs. Chicago Bulls

Celtics: 95 Bulls: 91

Rajon Rondo took advantage of a Rose-less Chicago, playing his best ball of the season and earning a triple-double en route to beating the first place Bulls. Rondo was in attack mode all afternoon, fast-breaking his way to easy points and assists throughout. With that boring recap out of the way, here are some of the topics my brother and I discussed while watching the game:

Question(s) of the Day: LA Edition

NBA fans everywhere got out of bed this morning, barrelled down their stairs, and barked out a joyous,"Yipeee!" as they started their day. Word that Chris Paul would be joining the Clip Show broke late last night and dreaming of him paired alongside Blake Griffin is about as appetizing as it gets to the NBA geek and casual fan alike. To celebrate, we've compiled a list of questions that came to mind when we heard the news. Please note that these questions regard not only the Clippers but the entire Los Angeles basketball scene:

Happy Fourth of July

Mamba's Last Stand

While Mark Cuban was undoubtedly lighting up a victory cigar after returning to Dallas with a 2-0 lead on the two-time defending champion Lakers, I imagine Kobe Bryant, the game's fiercest and most competitive player was fuming, aggressively lifting jump-shots in an empty gym while plotting his team's comeback. Pundits, experts and fans have written off Los Angeles, stating claims like, "Pau Gasol is soft and can't stop Dirk" and "Kobe is too old to dominate a seven game series." I hate the Lakers, but I truly believe they will pull this off; when you've got the kid from Lower Merion, PA (via Italy) on your team, his insatiable desire for perfection offers light in the darkest of situations.

I don't need to remind of you the Mamba's resume, because his accolades aren't why I'm convinced he will bring L.A. back from the dead. No, Kobe is driven by a greater calling...

If You See Something, Say Something: Crying, Cakes, and Crossovers

IYSSSS is our semi-regular internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

Greg Payne ESPN: Shaq turned 39 a few days ago, so someone gave him a cake the size of the galaxy. Then he cut it and shared it with friends. Sometimes I forget if Shaq still plays basketball, but that really doesn't matter at all.

New York Times: So many great scraps of useless info in here about NBA players' napping habits. "Kobe Bryant checks into a hotel before home games for his pregame nap." Let's be honest, more likely he checks into a hotel before home games to set up his kill room. (But seriously, no "Dexter" spoilers in the comments, my girlfriend and I are behind.)

Rod Benson's Blog: As much as I loved Adam's post about crying, I think Rod Benson gets the trophy here for his take on this very silly explosion about the Heatles' desire to win.

Shaky Ankles: Last time a Net point guard went to London, this happened. This past weekend, the new Net point guard traveled across the pond and they actually let him inside the arena this time. Then he almost killed Sonny Weems.

Negative Dunkalectics: A great piece on the revelation that is the wonderfully puckish new Nuggets squad. We're getting to excited to watch this team in the playoffs.

All-Star Weekend: You Know We Got Skills

The Skills Challenge may be the single most divisive part of NBA All-Star Weekend. Some find it to be a riveting look at the little things that make NBA point guards great. Others think it is incredibly boring, especially when compared to fan favorites like the Dunk Contest and the 3-Point Shootout. We here at No Regard think it's a pretty good watch, but we agree that the NBA could do something to spice it up. Namely, add to the course these non-basketball skills there we're modestly proposing. You know, stuff to break up the tedium that folks who aren't junkies might find in dribbling and passing accuracy and whatnot. Below, we've listed five skills we think should be added to this year's Challenge (aka the Taco Bell All-Star 2011 Skills Challenge) immediately, as well as the NBA players—whether point guards or not—who would really own that skill.

First up: Burritos.

No Regard Exclusive: Kobe and Kanye Transcript!

So the "Power (Remix)" finally dropped, and it's pretty momentous. But as we've learned, it's a miracle that it turned out so well. It's not news that Kobe was in the studio with Kanye helping him unpack the idea of "power," but we've got the exclusive transcript of their conversation.

Kanye: Aight Mamba, man, what you got for me? How can I make my verse legendary?

Kobe: Me and Ron-Ron, gonna beat LeBron.

Kanye: Uh, that's sorta weak, fam. This is for my song remember. Artest would love the shout out, though... What else?

Kobe: Gonna beat the heat, Three-peat skeet, skeet.

Kanye: Anybody ever tell you what skeet is?

Kobe: Yeah, here's another rhyme: Eagle Colorado, you know I'm gonna score...

Kanye: You don't wanna go there fam.

Kobe: I was gonna rhyme it with "whore."

Kanye: Stop.

Kobe: Beware of the mam-ba, I gonna drop a bomb-a, da explosion clear the lane, Kobe gonna bring the pain.

Kanye: Well it's your best so far, fam. But I'd say "Kanye" instead of "Kobe." Cause again, it's my song.

Kobe: Then you can't use it.

Kanye: ...

Kobe: 'Bron got nothin on me, I don't need no Witness.

Kanye: Alright alright, that's hot, where you goin' with it...

Kobe: I moved so much Coke, put Pepsi outta bidness.

Kanye: Come on fam, everybody know I never sold drugs to get by.

Kobe: LeBron can't win, he's a really big bitch, Miami Big Willie-style, I really liked Hitch.


Kobe: In West Philadelphia, Born and raised...

Kanye: Forget it. We'll go with the Eagle, Colorado line.