No Regard Presidential Previews: Dallas Mavericks (Andrew Jackson)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

“No one need think that the world can be ruled without blood. The civil sword shall and must be red and bloody.” - Andrew Jackson

No matter how you look at it, Old Hickory always had something new going on. A Tennessee Supreme Court Judge, hero of the War of 1812 and former one-year U.S. Senator, Jackson went on to drive the Seminole Indians out of Florida mostly with warning shots and upon finding that the British and Spanish were secretly assisting the Seminoles, captured and killed the Europeans leading the aide attempts. This led to Spain ceding Florida to the United States.

You would think that'd be quite enough for one lifetime, but the dueling, swashbuckling Jackson was just getting started. After serving another two years in the Senate (25 years after his initial term), Andrew Jackson was elected President in 1928 and invited the general public to the Inaugural Ball inside the White House, which became overrun with people. Jacksonian Democracy was geared toward greater democracy for "the common man." Andrew Jackson was anything but common.

Mark Cuban and Dirk Nowitzki's Dallas Mavericks have transformed themselves from the Nash/Michael Finley/Dirk running and gunning Big 3 that could never get to the finals to the Avery Johnson-led Devin Harris/Josh Howard/Erick Dampier finalists to Rick Carlisle's Kidd/Matrix/Chandler/Dirk Champions to the Dirk/Matrix/cap fodder enigma they are today. The Mavericks have made the playoffs every years since 2001 and have faced the Suns and Spurs seven times in those 12 years. Historians vary on the number of duels Andrew Jackson won in his lifetime (between 13 and 100, even the former of which is 13 times too many for a sane person to decide to have a loaded gun pointed at him), but the Mavericks have certainly had their fair share of showdowns against rivals and other challengers. They may not always win, but the Mavericks have been there, done that when it comes to win or go home showdowns, and they've done it with all forms of lineups and styles of play.

Though Steve Nash and Tyson Chandler didn't exactly take a Trail of Tears out of Dallas (each were paid very handsomely by their new teams), it seems rather common that former Mavericks players leave the organization with bitter feelings. Mark Cuban is certainly not afraid to rub anyone the wrong way (once telling Kenyon Martin's mom that her son is a thug) and is no stranger to discipline from the league office. That said, Cuban has changed what it means to be a sports owner, becoming a very controversial public figure and actively participating in running the team. While remembered as someone who changed the presidency for the better, Jackson had his own questionable moments, allowing the Spoils System to take root, initiating the Indian Removal Act (it was exactly what it sounds like) and raising tariffs, which caused the Nullification Crisis. Both men, however, did everything in their power to make their union stronger by any means necessary.

The current Mavericks are not as exciting as they used to be. Gone are Jason Terry, Tyson Chandler, Jason Kidd, Brandan Haywood, heck, even DeShawn Stevenson and the championship team of 2011. The point guard situation is pretty mediocre (Darren Collison and Roddy Beaubois), there are way too many wings (including the ghost of Vince Carter) and Elton Brand seems to have surfaced in Dallas to back up Dirk. He, OJ Mayo and Chris Kaman were the big additions to the Mavs roster this year after the Mavs whiffed on signing Deron Williams and Dwight Howard. This roster has the 6th or 7th seed and a first round exit written all over it. At least they've got Delonte West around to provide some general tomfoolery. All good rides come to an end, and it appears the Mavs, like Old Hickory, are just moving on to their next incarnation.

This is usually where I draw one final parallel to the president to whom I am comparing the team. Instead, I am using this space to tell you to root for 27-year old rookie center Bernard James. Bernard served three tours over six years in the United States Air Force in Iraq, Kuwait and Qatar before being drafted in the second round this summer. The next time you see former Maverick and current fat disgrace Lamar Odom wasting away on the Clippers bench essentially stealing his $8 million salary, think of Bernard James and be thankful he survived the rocket attack that struck his camp in Iraq. The NBA is better with him in it.

Bernard James, thank you for being a great American.

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Ponyta

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Cuban Fined for Criticizing Officials"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Delonte West Does Thing"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Welcome to Heaven, ya sure gave 'em hell! I'm here all week, folks."

No Regard Previews: Calm Go The Wild Seas

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Chicago Bulls vs. Miami Heat


While Dwyane Wade is doing his best John Kerry impersonation regarding if ballers should get paid to represent their countries in the Olympics, the Bulls and the Heatles prepare for a Titantic clash between two Eastern Conference favorites.

With the Heat trailing the Bulls by three games, the result of tonight's game should have serious implications on which side ultimately nabs the top seed. With Derrick Rose still hobbled and more than likely to continue his stint wearing a suit on the sideline, the Bulls will continue to look for Hot Deng, who has been hotter than hot all season long, for offensive production. They'll also need contributions from Carlos "I spray-paint my head," Boozer and Rip Hamilton.

As for the Heatles, recently transformed starter Ronny Turiaf will play a crucial role in Miami's pursuit to slow Chicago's superior rebounding. I was tickled to find out he was on the squad the other night. The Frenchman really rounds out the supporting cast of characters that make up this Heat roster. It includes some classic NBA employees and No Regard all-time faves: the ever-endearing Super Nintendo Chalmers, Shane "Clean-cut" Battier, Coach Erik and Chris Bosh. (If you only click one link today, please, please, please make it the Bosh one.) Pat Riley really has brought together a wonky group. Well done, Pat Riley.

As always, the key to stopping Miami is slowing down their transition game, controlling the clock and forcing LeBron and Wade into half court sets—which they still haven't seemed to figure out after almost two seasons worth of trying. Here's a hint: Give the ball to King James and everyone else get out of the way and try to get offensive boards. Outside of the super-intriguing Turiaf/Noah battle, it should be interesting to see how Miami attempts to handle Hot Deng. LeBron, Wade, Battier, or play a "Box and 1" on Kyle Korver when he checks in.

While the Celtics are playing the best ball of anyone in the East right now this is still a potential Eastern Conference finals preview, so start popping that popcorn (which, apparently, is full of antioxidants these days, who knew?) and enjoy another episode of the LeBron James featuring Dwayne Wade vs. the Chicago Bulls show.

One Game We Won't Watch Tonight: Golden State Warriors vs. Dallas Mavericks

Two individuals, who you might remember from their time dabbling in No Regard had a Facebook exchange about the Dallas Mavericks a few months back. Mugsy2Manute made this status one fateful afternoon:

"Dallas Mavericks = Most unimpressive reigning champs of all time."

Here's is (resident MFFL) Endless Pat's response:

*Warning, explicit.*

"Listen you feckless snob - there's a lot of shit going on this season, not the least of which is an aging championship team falling behind the curve of dealing with this schedule. No one is more frustrated than me with their performance, but your smug, low-hanging-fruit-pickery, is not accomplishing much but making you look like a pair of shorn balls. I'd also like to take this opportunity to point out that one of our teams is paying Tyson Chandler Dirk money and the other is paying it to well, Dirk."

Just thought everyone who reads this website should know that this dialogue took place.

No Regard Recap: Parsons The New School for Dunks

One Game We Watched Last Night: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Houston Rockets

Clippers: 117, Rockets: 89

Notching what was undoubtedly their most impressive performance in the CP3 era, the Clippers were piping hot in a dominating victory against the Kevin McHale led Rockets. Sparked by a 41 point first quarter, Lob City was on full display as Blake and company spent the majority of the evening with their genitals far above the rim. When we heard that Chris Paul had been traded to the Clippers we were tickled, mainly because it gave them another player on their roster with two first names, but also because of that whole alley-oop business. Last night, we got what we came for.

As for the Rockets, the bright note is Chandler Parsons. The rookie from Florida tallied 8 boards, 11 points and one highlight dunk over Blake in a solid effort off the bench. NBA you have been warned, Chandler Parsons is a bad man.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

Mavericks: 98, Suns: 89

Considering Dirk played in his 1,000th career NBA game and Nash scored his 10,000 NBA point, it seems pretty rude that neither posted anything on twitter about where they ended up after the game. All we got from Steve was, "Tough loss. Great to have @DA_Finster in the building! Hope he gets on a team soon. Need a win Friday planet orange!!" And absolutely nothing from Nowitzki. Really ridiculous. We don't throw around the words "selfish" and "fake" very often on this Website, but seriously guys? Not even an, "Out with Steve after our win, should be interesting," from @swish41? What good is 2012 if you can't find out via the Internet where people you've never meet before, yet are oddly obsessed with, are drinking liquor?

No Regard Preview: Coach McHale!

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Houston Rockets

I forgot that Kevin McHale is a coach in the NBA. There's just a lot going on, you know? He coaches the Houston Rockets! He has many assistant coaches working for him, some of which include strength-and-conditioning coach Darryl Eto (who went to Arizona University) and assistant trainer Jason Biles (who attended North Florida). Coach McHale has players he coaches every day that have to listen to him! Players like long-haired Argentinian Luis Scola and efficient scorer Kevin Martin are required to pay attention to Kevin when he's breaking down some new breed of offensive strategy. The former TNT commentator, Minnesota GM and Boston Celtic walks into the arena for practice and the janitors say, "Hey Coach," and Kevin McHale smiles and gives a big wave back. He's proud of himself. And we are, too.

As for the Clippers? Lob City baby!!

One Game We Won't Watch Tonight: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

The truth is that we might watch this, but by watch this we mean we'll have the game on and we'll be texting the entire time debating over where Steve Nash and Dirk will be going after the game and how many drinks they'll be having. Then we'll ponder what type of drinks: beer, shots, whiskey, tequila? Then we'll dive into if they ordered steak or not and determine that Steve probably did not; he is a healthy eater. Then we'll remind ourselves that Dirk loves pizza so we'll settle on that.

If You See Something, Say Something: Sociology, Salad and Rubio's Vision

IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

"Oh Back to School, Back to School:" While Kobe was in Germany, Artest changing his name and Durant making amazing commercials, Steph Curry was cracking the books back at Davidson College. Hoping to gain enough credits and earn his sociology degree, Curry was also spotted at basketball practice playing the role of Seth Curry on the scout team. This might be the best article in the history of journalism when its all said and done. So thanks Jonathan Abrams. 

Cuban Blasts League, Shocks No One: Mark Cuban yells a lot about a lot of different things. Most recently he's yelling because the NBA did not schedule his Mavericks a trip to DC to play the Wizards. Cuban feels that the game should have coincided with the champion's traditional visit to the White House stating, "How can you be that stupid? All you've got to do when your putting in the scheduling software say Dallas at Washington, yes." Tell us how you really feel, Mark.

Wade Dislikes Salad: D-Wade is happy to eat a chicken or turkey breast for his post-game meal, but don't expect the Miami Heat superstar to be tickled at the idea of putting back healthy greens. An interesting look into the health habits of professional athletes, Freeman notes that Wade loses about five pounds a game, something most Americans wish they could do in a month.

Rubio Nutmegs Dirk: If you haven't seen Rubio's clever bounce-pass—which splits Dirk's legs and assists on an important three-pointer—then you haven't lived. And if you have seen it, click it again because it's something special.

2011 No Regard Playoff Power Rankings

The 2011 NBA Playoffs are over. All of the teams and players are dead except for the Dallas Mavericks. But that doesn't mean we can't reminisce about the joy they brought us a scant two months ago. Thus, the 2011 No Regard Playoff Power Rankings.

Feel free to voice your displeasure with our rankings in the comments section, but just know our algorithm is German engineered. And you know how they do.

25. Brian Cardinal
We literally didn't know this dude existed until we saw him boxing some Miami Heat players. We're still not convinced he's not a ghost.

No Regard Finals Game Four Recap: Snapple Facts

Remember back in the day when you used to crush raspberry Snapples, sometimes three or four a day? Well, then, you probably also remember those wacky bottle caps that each had a "fact" written on the bottom of them. Sometimes outrageous, always hilarious, it was impossible to tell which of these "facts" were true and which were just plain silly. We've decided to present a list of our own Snapple "facts" based around last nights highly entertaining, dramatic game four.

No Regard Recaps: Shocking the World

We've got ourselves an NBA finals folks. The Mavericks clawed their way back from what looked to be a 4th quarter deficit far too deep to overcome. The series, and glorious NBA season, was fading right in front of our eyes as Wade's off-balance three-pointer in front of the Dallas bench slammed the nail in the coffin. "Three-ball, corner-pocket," Mark Jackson proclaimed while LeBron gleefully pretended to be a boxer, feigning punches on D-Wade's stomach as Miami's shooting-guard flashed his pearly-whites.

But then shit started going down. Kidd nailed an open three, Jet hit a 15-footer and the Matrix dropped a clever pass to Dirk in transition. As rapidly as the season seemed lost, just as quickly, Dirk was raising his hand, doing the German three-point symbol and nabbing a small lead.

Yet, it was his game-winning shot that was the most dramatic moment of the night. With the contest knotted at 93 and Miami armed with a foul to give, Dirk faced up Bosh, spun to his left and calmly windowed in the lay-up. Bosh's horrendous offensive night was overshadowed by the image of him being scorched by Big D's bigman. In the former Raptor's defense, Miami's double came way late, and just about anyone faced with the task of shutting down Dirk would have been schooled. Except for perhaps the most malleable defender in the league, LeBron James.

Coach Spo must take much of the blame for this monumental collapse. He allowed his team to rush shots down the stretch in whatever capacity they felt like. He didn't require them to slow the tempo, didn't foul Dirk on the last possession and didn't utilize Bron's defensive capabilities efficiently. Miami had a chance to put a stranglehold on the Finals and mentally broke down. It could be costly for them.

What I've gained most from this game is that the Mavericks have a group of guys that believe in themselves and don't give a fuck about much of anything. Could be a wild ride the rest of the way.

No Regard Daily Recap: When the Circus Comes to Town

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

This is slightly awkward, but we've got to own up to our actions last night. Certain members of the No Regard staff took our talents to a Phish concert last night instead of watching game one of the NBA finals. I know what your thinking, "Wow, these guys are pretty selfish and fake." Possibly, but there is good news! We are going to recap the game anyway, without having watched it. Don't worry, we've done this before. And here, we, go...

*Looking at the box score I see some typical numbers and some surprising ones. No shock that LBJ dropped 24 on 9-16 shooting, however I still have not gotten used to his supremely accurate outside shooting. The days of forcing the King out on the perimeter to try and stop him are long gone.

*Speaking of which, this is his first NBA finals victory ever. I suspect it won't be his last. Just a weird feeling I'm getting.

*It pisses me off that Bosh got to the line 12 times. I expect more from Tyson Chandler.

*The Dallas bench can feel free to join the series whenever they see fit.

*I'm loving Bibby's +/- of -2, and 0-4 from the field in 14 minutes of play. Still starting though. Keep up the good work, Mike!

*The Dirkus Circus tore a ligament on one of the fingers on his left hand. I have no idea if this will have any affect on his game whatsoever.

*Some nice highlights, the D-Wade to Bron Bron alley-oop at the end of the fourth quarter was particularly tantalizing.

*According to Andrew Abides, every time Peja misses a three he ought to be benched. I agree with this perspective. When you can't defend the worst player in the D-League, you ought to at least do your one job.

*I hate all the, "Heat are definitely going to sweep" people out there. Can we let this series play out a little bit?

In Other NBA News...

*Shaq retired via twitter. You can bet your mortgage that we'll have more coverage on the Diesel. For now, cheers to a great basketball player and an even better man.

*Lakers hired Mike Brown. Good for him, but I feel terribly for Brian Shaw. He deserves his chance. Also, is Mike Brown even a good coach? I'm not convinced.

*Kevin McHale is the newest coach of Rockets. He was an awful GM and an amazing analyst. Using math, we can assume that he'll make an average coach.

In Cold Blood With A Toothpick

For a league in which the current trend seems to be all about budding young superstars, the Dallas Mavericks proved that age and cunning can still beat youth and vigor. Carried on the shoulders of one of the most remarkable individual shooting performances in conference finals history, the Mavs bested OKC 4-1, in a series that was more closely contested than its final scoreline.

It's obvious to point to Nowitzki's lights-out shooting as the main catalyst for success in Dallas this year, but Cuban's army received contributions from many different parties.

There was the ridiculously smart point-guard play from veteran Jason Kidd who, lost in all of this, has his third chance now to finally obtain the NBA's most precious jewelry. The inside presence of Tyson Chandler, whose passion for rebounding and defense compliment Dirk's offensive mastery to perfection. Jet Terry did what he's always done, hit shots and then spread his arms out like that of an airplane. Shawn Marion's resurgence, J.J. Barea's slicing penetration... the list goes on.

Up next for Big D is most likely the Miami Heat, who will provide an immense challenge. I'm tickled thinking about some of these matchups: Bron on Dirk, DeShawn on Bron, that crazy $5 bill tattoo on DeShawn, the ballsy Larry O'Brien trophy tattoo on Jet, Jet on Super Nintendo Chalmers, Super Nintendo Chalmers on J.J. Barea, J.J. Barea on Mike Bibby, Mike Bibby on Jason Kidd in the 2011 NBA Finals!

It should be a hell of a series, if for no other reason than we'll be seeing (barring history by the Chicago Bulls) the two best teams in the playoffs led by the two best players in the playoffs. While Dallas might feel somewhat satisfied knowing that many of the "experts" didn't even pick them to beat Portland in the first round, they know that right now second place will not satisfy the public. We need them to be more than an also-ran.

Shock the world, Dallas Mavericks.

Slippery-Dirk, the Backpack, and the Future of the Cavs

When it rains, it pours. And sometimes it even monsoons. Particularly when Dirk Nowitzki is being single-covered for an entire playoff game. The seven-foot German sharpshooter had his way with the Thunder last night, paying no mind to the likes of Serge Ibaka, Kevin Durant or whoever else was unlucky enough to be covering the Maverick power-forward. Coach Brooks made his strategy clear: He's okay with Dirk getting his, but refuses to allow the Dallas supporting cast to be left open. After Dirk's perfect showing from the stripe and nearly perfect mid-range performance, the OKC strategist may want to go back to the drawing board.

We have seen magical Dirk in years past, and if it weren't for a corrupt dirt-bag of an official there's a good chance he'd have a championship ring wrapped around his finger. We shouldn't be surprised after watching him dismantle Tim Duncan and company back in '06, scoring 37 in a decisive game seven in San Antonio on 15-16 from the line and 11-20 from the field. Or how about during the same playoffs where his cool 50 points gave Dallas a 3-2 lead over Phoenix in the Western finals? No, this is nothing new for Dirk.

So why is it then, that the Thunder refused to double him last night? Shouldn't they at least attempt to get the rock out of his hands, forcing the likes of Jason Kidd (once known as "Ason" Kidd because he had no J) and Jet Terry, who is impressive but not even close to Dirk's level, beat them? There's an argument to be made about letting a superstar get his points while containing his teammates, but in the case of a guy who refuses to miss, it simply will not work.

More importantly, Durant's backpack is great addition to the legend that is KD.

Also, Kyrie Irving, Kemba Walker and JJ Hickson: Ladies and gentlemen meet your 2011-2012 Cleveland Cavaliers! Lebron who?

No Regard Daily Previews: 11-15-10

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight:
Dallas Mavericks vs. New Orleans Hornets

Perhaps the two largest surprises so far this season have been the mediocre Miami Heat and the perfect New Orleans Hornets. What's made CP3 and the gang so good so far this year? First, CP3 himself, quite obviously. With injuries cutting short his minutes last year, Paul looks like a rejuvenated man playing as if he's got something to prove. Maybe all the attention Rondo received after his playoff performance last spring pissed Paul off and he's taking it out on opposing defenses, hoping to show once again that he's the alpha dog of NBA PG's. Whatever the case may be, Chris Paul is back this year, in a big way.

Fantasy Voyage: So it Begins

If you hadn't already guessed it, we here at No Regard are pretty heavy into fantasy basketball. Throughout the season, we'll take the occasional moment to ignore real-life NBA implications and take a look at things from an IFL (In Fantasy Life) perspective.

For this first edition of Fantasy Voyage, we'd like to throw a question out there: Should Kevin Durant be the unanimous #1 pick going into this season? We're pretty positive he's got the scoring title on lock, but do LeBron's new surrounding weapons make him an even more dangerous fantasy option? What about CP3 and Kobe?

If you are fortunate enough to get that top spot, what are you doing?

Top 5 Player Tweets of the Week - In Pictures!

From Skillanueva's half-time tweets to Gil's fateful outburst, we're keeping tabs on this whole Twitter thing.  Each week we wade through the rants, shout outs and sheer insanity to bring you the best micro-blogging the NBA has to offer.

5. "Man it's good to be back in the States. One more flight to catch b4 I'm in Charlotte. Don't worry chick-fil-a...I'm coming!"

- Stephen Curry

4. "Anybody got any info on where we're at with time travel? I've waited long enough!"

- Muggsy Bogues

Event Horizon: Mavs

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years.  This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities.  Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

First of all, this is definitely what's happening, so stop shaking your head and get whatever smug "are they serious with this" smirk might have appeared on your face gone.

Immediate Impact: Cuban, Carlisle and Co. finally have a legitimate 2 guy, but it's one nobody expected. Dirk Nowitzki. I mean how seriously, pants-wettingly terrifying is the idea of that jump-shooting caveman being the SECOND best scorer on a team?