No Regard Daily Recap: When the Circus Comes to Town

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

This is slightly awkward, but we've got to own up to our actions last night. Certain members of the No Regard staff took our talents to a Phish concert last night instead of watching game one of the NBA finals. I know what your thinking, "Wow, these guys are pretty selfish and fake." Possibly, but there is good news! We are going to recap the game anyway, without having watched it. Don't worry, we've done this before. And here, we, go...

*Looking at the box score I see some typical numbers and some surprising ones. No shock that LBJ dropped 24 on 9-16 shooting, however I still have not gotten used to his supremely accurate outside shooting. The days of forcing the King out on the perimeter to try and stop him are long gone.

*Speaking of which, this is his first NBA finals victory ever. I suspect it won't be his last. Just a weird feeling I'm getting.

*It pisses me off that Bosh got to the line 12 times. I expect more from Tyson Chandler.

*The Dallas bench can feel free to join the series whenever they see fit.

*I'm loving Bibby's +/- of -2, and 0-4 from the field in 14 minutes of play. Still starting though. Keep up the good work, Mike!

*The Dirkus Circus tore a ligament on one of the fingers on his left hand. I have no idea if this will have any affect on his game whatsoever.

*Some nice highlights, the D-Wade to Bron Bron alley-oop at the end of the fourth quarter was particularly tantalizing.

*According to Andrew Abides, every time Peja misses a three he ought to be benched. I agree with this perspective. When you can't defend the worst player in the D-League, you ought to at least do your one job.

*I hate all the, "Heat are definitely going to sweep" people out there. Can we let this series play out a little bit?

In Other NBA News...

*Shaq retired via twitter. You can bet your mortgage that we'll have more coverage on the Diesel. For now, cheers to a great basketball player and an even better man.

*Lakers hired Mike Brown. Good for him, but I feel terribly for Brian Shaw. He deserves his chance. Also, is Mike Brown even a good coach? I'm not convinced.

*Kevin McHale is the newest coach of Rockets. He was an awful GM and an amazing analyst. Using math, we can assume that he'll make an average coach.

Nobody Knew That They Were All Dead

Once again, the Miami Heatles, led by their three best players, took over the fourth quarter of a game that was close throughout to put a stranglehold on the Eastern conference finals. There are a few different angles worth analyzing when discussing last night's game.

Sad, Angry, and Clowns Everywhere

[Editor's Note: Even though Pete is a founding member of and almost-daily contributor to this site, the rest of us sometimes see the need—both online and in public—to reel him in. He's a passionate gentleman, and sometimes his fiery disposition can get the best of him. However, on days following debilitating losses by his beloved Celtics, he's got free reign to speak his mind. But just remember, the views of Peter do not necessarily reflect the views of No Regard. Except all the stuff about Bosh being a clown; we're all on the same page there.]

NBA Middle Names: Chris Bosh

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

Christopher Wesson Bosh

Udonis Arrest: Heated Reactions

Haslem was arrested Sunday
for Marijuana possession.

Udonis Haslem was pulled over for speeding on Sunday afternoon and was later arrested for possession of marijuana. A search of his car yielded less than 20 grams. We can only speculate as to why the Miami Heat Forward would feel the need to drive under the influence. Perhaps he saw what Russell Westbrook was up to this weekend and decided he too had a serious snack attack. Haslem will be drug-tested and faces a maximum 5 year prison sentence.  


The Heat made quite a fuss about re-signing Haslem this summer to play alongside their newly minted triumvirate of LeBron, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade. Time will tell how this may or may not affect the Slumber Party Boys, but with not even a day gone by, everyone affiliated with the Miami Heat organization is speaking out on the issue. We've sorted through the numerous press conferences to bring you some of the thoughts of Udonis's colleagues and coworkers.

Erik Spoelstra
Head Coach

"I've never tried pot before. We watched a video on it in health class that said if we smoke dope we'll be homeless."

Pat Riley

Team President

"I knew I should never have hired my neighbor's kid to coach this team. This was totally his fault. I'm getting thirsty."

Top 5 Player Tweets of the Week - In Pictures!

From Skillanueva's half-time tweets to Gil's fateful outburst, we're keeping tabs on this whole Twitter thing. Each week we wade through the rants, shout outs and sheer insanity to bring you the best micro-blogging the NBA has to offer.

5. "At my first Polo match. If you don't know what it is, just know it's serious out here."

- Chris Bosh

4. "Snooki didn't just say she feels like a pilgrim from the 20's did she #EducationIsKey"

- Jonny Flynn

The Reaffirmation of Our Faith

Morale is low. I'm rehashing some of what was touched on earlier on this site, but it's necessary.

A lot of people are angry at LeBron for one reason or another. They're angry that he's shrinking away from his responsibilities and destiny. Well then everyone was reading from the wrong scripture, because the reason the basketball gods gave us LeBron James was never to save Cleveland or strike down legends and build empires as one lonely mercenary. He was put here to fundamentally and aesthetically change how basketball is played, and giggle while doing it. Shit got way too serious in Cleveland for him to follow through with this promise. He was shackled in Mike Brown's non-system, surrounded by well-meaning, unskilled peasants. The result (that is true, but too rarely stated): Watching LeBron James play basketball hasn't been too much fun for the past few years. When he "does what he's supposed to do," it resembles football to the point of nausea. He cradles the ball, cranks his head down and bulls his way to two free throws. When he goes his own way, he settles for jumpers that he makes at a clip just high enough to keep shooting recklessly.

But in Miami the basketball will be better. It will be playground ball meets ballet, visceral fun meets high art. It'll be like listening to a Gucci Mane mixtape through an opera house's sound system, while Dr. Cornel West stands on stage telling dick jokes.

Some people are angry at how this new Miami Heat was constructed, saying that it all seemed too inorganic or something, that LeBron and company didn't work or put in the time to earn this team. What? How are teams constructed, then? It's not like getting lucky in the draft is more honorable than signing a few very talented free agents one day. Teams aren't cultivated, cucumbers are. Just because some teams take a few years to grow and gel as a championship unit and others take the plunge into the elite overnight doesn't mean one is more meaningful or impressive or right. When a veteran does this same exact thing to try to win that one elusive ring, we applaud him. Three guys doing it in their prime? We should be throwing parades. This is what we've always asked of stars, to value winning over everything else.

But the biggest contingent of anger over this South Beach jaunt is that now we know the champions for the next five years. First of all, let's all just relax for one second here. These two superstars and Chris will win most of their games, but there are a few holes here, no? Starting with all those empty roster spots. Surely they'll try to fill them with defenders and shooters who'll take the minimum salary just to wear boat shoes, meet Rick Ross and go to clubs with these nice young fellows, but let's wait to see just exactly who boards the yacht with them before we disregard the competition at hand. Plus, doesn't anyone remember the last time we tuned in to the LeBron show? He was busy giving up on his 60-win team in the playoffs. So there's that.

But more to the point, there's never been actual parity in the league. Last season, everyone said the Lakers would win, and they did. The year before that, the very same thing happened. The year before that, the Celtics were the pre-season picks and the post-season celebrants. The 2010-2011 season may not be any different, and there's nothing wrong with that. Only one team wins the championship every year, it doesn't matter who.

Which brings us to the things that do matter. I think we've all forgotten why we're here (which is understandable considering the nonsense we all just went through). So, let's renew our No Regard vows, shall we?

3 Year Slumber Party

On a day like today, all is understood. The ire, the frustration, the shock; not since Max left the Wild Things stranded on the shore has there been such cause for despondency over the loss of a king. About to bear witness to the world’s first sports dynasty assembled on the buddy system, we struggle to sort it out, and as we do, a peculiar idea surfaces—the NBA is ruined. Dead and gone. Miami used their drug money and sunshine to swindle superstars, stratify the league's talent, and flagrantly eschew tradition to create an elite squad with only rings in mind. Doesn't that sound just awful?

Event Horizon: Bulls

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities. Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

Immediate Impact: A race begins to give Chicago’s United Center a shit-eating new nickname. ‘The Slaughterhouse’ narrowly beats out ‘Q-nighted Center’ and overnight Chicago is once again the envy and nightmare of the league. Teaming up with Derrick Rose, Carlos Boozer, and Joakim Noah, LeBron takes the Vader mantle from Jordan and we see his heart begin to blacken.

Event Horizon: Heat

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities. Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

Immediate Impact: Upon hearing the King’s decision Pat Riley seeks out current Heat coach, Erik “insert random 8^th grade boy’s last name here,” and does something terrible to him. Possibly removes his soul to ensure that he’s no longer capable of coaching. Riley names himself head coach. Bosh tweets. Jermaine O’Neal starts practicing his, “did you see when I cold-cocked that Detroit fan” story for LeBron. A few No Regard staffers and every hot dog vendor in NYC contemplate suicide.

If You See Something, Say Something

Sports Illustrated: The late Manute Bol was not only a steadfast humanitarian and supreme shot-blocker, the man was also photogenic as hell. A remarkable photo gallery.

NBA.com: Chris Bosh: "...I think every kid when they dream about playing basketball, they don't dream about being a role player. They dream about being the man. I have that position in Toronto and to give that up and go somewhere else to be an addition would kinda defeat the purpose of my dreams." Well, Chris, then you have an inflated sense of your talent and a poor understanding of the design of championship teams. Did you have trouble seeing those playoff games you went to this year through your sunglasses?

FreeDarko: Guest journalism about Ricky Rubio's unhappy draft night in 2009, directly from the man who assisted Rubio that entire night.

Slam Online: Drake bringing Kobe onstage. Mamba doesn't overstay his welcome like LeBron did. And he reminds everyone how many rings he has, which LeBron did not do. Unfortunately, Drake didn't let Kobe perform this gem.

Forbes Most Disliked Athletes List [via D.C. Sports Bog]: Gilbert's fall depresses me almost as much as Penny or Grant Hill's injuries did. But the bigger story here: WHY IS IVERSON ON THIS LIST? That's how much his image scared people back when he was actually popular? For the casual sports fan of 2010 to place him on the same list as a man who senselessly killed dogs, a man who cheated on his wife at least hundreds of times and a quarterback who cannot plug his boat's leak while sailing the sea of sleaze means that they really must have had strong feelings about his fucking cornrows. (Look, I know that Iverson's been involved in some unfavorable situations similar to these other guys, but I'm assuming that the people polled don't and I know that's a reasonable assumption.)

This Summit Ain't No High Point

NOTE: As I was finishing the following post, news broke that there will be no summit. Whatever. My opinion still stands and it's not like these guys aren't talking in a less official capacity.

While I am (not) sure that Andrew will be getting us ready for Thursday with an extended post on why Celtics-Lakers is a big old crock of horse shit that smells like poop and puts his pretty little head right to sleep, I would like to gripe about the current NBA event that people actually care about.

So Amar'e is in on the conspiracy. He is going to attend this "summit" and take part in a conversation that will apparently shape the foreseeable future of the NBA. He is going to sit in some secret lair with his four besties and talk about where he wants to go for his all expenses paid extended vacation. I, for one, hope that he and Misters James, Johnson, Wade and Bosh all get very lost on the day of that planned summit.

Because, ladies and gentlemen, I don't like it, not one bit. There are plenty of reasons why someone like me should find this kind of thing positive and exciting. First, it's just kind of cool to think about these guys gathering for anything, really. Also, the more people involved with this talk, the better chance my Knicks will be able to land LeBron +1. Plus, the traditional free agent game--with the all-powerful teams courting players and crafting deals that make decisions seem solely money-based--is not really something to mourn when it is absent.

And yet, I just straight-up hate the idea of this summit. I hate the fact that these players can collectively decide to make the Eastern Conference even more top-heavy. I hate that they are all sort of giving the finger to their current teams, at least in a more visible way than free agents have tended to do in the past. But honestly, my real problem here comes down to the fact that I still have some crazy notion that opponents should try to win against each other to the point where they could not really be friends. Next season, when I see Wade and Bron or Bosh and Amare going head to head, I will be thinking about how they collectively decided that these were the matchups that would occur. It will seem contrived and just a little too...friendly.

Maybe I'm too old-fashioned and maybe my NBA mythology is a little too much based on a warrior model, but goddammit, I would at least like to pretend that these guys don't get to plan out the next five years of the league based on the buddy system.