No Regard Previews: Calm Go The Wild Seas

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Chicago Bulls vs. Miami Heat


While Dwyane Wade is doing his best John Kerry impersonation regarding if ballers should get paid to represent their countries in the Olympics, the Bulls and the Heatles prepare for a Titantic clash between two Eastern Conference favorites.

With the Heat trailing the Bulls by three games, the result of tonight's game should have serious implications on which side ultimately nabs the top seed. With Derrick Rose still hobbled and more than likely to continue his stint wearing a suit on the sideline, the Bulls will continue to look for Hot Deng, who has been hotter than hot all season long, for offensive production. They'll also need contributions from Carlos "I spray-paint my head," Boozer and Rip Hamilton.

As for the Heatles, recently transformed starter Ronny Turiaf will play a crucial role in Miami's pursuit to slow Chicago's superior rebounding. I was tickled to find out he was on the squad the other night. The Frenchman really rounds out the supporting cast of characters that make up this Heat roster. It includes some classic NBA employees and No Regard all-time faves: the ever-endearing Super Nintendo Chalmers, Shane "Clean-cut" Battier, Coach Erik and Chris Bosh. (If you only click one link today, please, please, please make it the Bosh one.) Pat Riley really has brought together a wonky group. Well done, Pat Riley.

As always, the key to stopping Miami is slowing down their transition game, controlling the clock and forcing LeBron and Wade into half court sets—which they still haven't seemed to figure out after almost two seasons worth of trying. Here's a hint: Give the ball to King James and everyone else get out of the way and try to get offensive boards. Outside of the super-intriguing Turiaf/Noah battle, it should be interesting to see how Miami attempts to handle Hot Deng. LeBron, Wade, Battier, or play a "Box and 1" on Kyle Korver when he checks in.

While the Celtics are playing the best ball of anyone in the East right now this is still a potential Eastern Conference finals preview, so start popping that popcorn (which, apparently, is full of antioxidants these days, who knew?) and enjoy another episode of the LeBron James featuring Dwayne Wade vs. the Chicago Bulls show.

One Game We Won't Watch Tonight: Golden State Warriors vs. Dallas Mavericks

Two individuals, who you might remember from their time dabbling in No Regard had a Facebook exchange about the Dallas Mavericks a few months back. Mugsy2Manute made this status one fateful afternoon:

"Dallas Mavericks = Most unimpressive reigning champs of all time."

Here's is (resident MFFL) Endless Pat's response:

*Warning, explicit.*

"Listen you feckless snob - there's a lot of shit going on this season, not the least of which is an aging championship team falling behind the curve of dealing with this schedule. No one is more frustrated than me with their performance, but your smug, low-hanging-fruit-pickery, is not accomplishing much but making you look like a pair of shorn balls. I'd also like to take this opportunity to point out that one of our teams is paying Tyson Chandler Dirk money and the other is paying it to well, Dirk."

Just thought everyone who reads this website should know that this dialogue took place.

If You See Something, Say Something: Sociology, Salad and Rubio's Vision

IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

"Oh Back to School, Back to School:" While Kobe was in Germany, Artest changing his name and Durant making amazing commercials, Steph Curry was cracking the books back at Davidson College. Hoping to gain enough credits and earn his sociology degree, Curry was also spotted at basketball practice playing the role of Seth Curry on the scout team. This might be the best article in the history of journalism when its all said and done. So thanks Jonathan Abrams. 

Cuban Blasts League, Shocks No One: Mark Cuban yells a lot about a lot of different things. Most recently he's yelling because the NBA did not schedule his Mavericks a trip to DC to play the Wizards. Cuban feels that the game should have coincided with the champion's traditional visit to the White House stating, "How can you be that stupid? All you've got to do when your putting in the scheduling software say Dallas at Washington, yes." Tell us how you really feel, Mark.

Wade Dislikes Salad: D-Wade is happy to eat a chicken or turkey breast for his post-game meal, but don't expect the Miami Heat superstar to be tickled at the idea of putting back healthy greens. An interesting look into the health habits of professional athletes, Freeman notes that Wade loses about five pounds a game, something most Americans wish they could do in a month.

Rubio Nutmegs Dirk: If you haven't seen Rubio's clever bounce-pass—which splits Dirk's legs and assists on an important three-pointer—then you haven't lived. And if you have seen it, click it again because it's something special.

Happy Memorial Day!

Cheers to a great NBA finals.

Celtics-Heat Game 1: Let's Get Physical, Physical

Yesterday's game one matchup in the Eastern semis between Boston and Miami presented what is likely to be the case for seven games: chippy basketball between two teams that so clearly hate each other, it's beyond Romeo and Juliet shit. Here are some (increasingly belligerent) thoughts that I jotted down as I watched in anguish, sipping Bud Light Wheats (or whatever they're called; good though, very good beer) and yelling at my television.

Erik Spoelstra Bets The House

Erik Spoelstra bets the house.

A lot of things went down around the League this weekend. With 27 games played over three days, a lot of moments get swept under the rug, and many questions go unanswered. Why do the Thunder look so lackluster? Can the Celtics stay this good (and this healthy) until the playoffs? Why are the Trail Blazers on TV every day?


In the midst of so much uncertainty, one question was answered this weekend with resounding clarity, a question first whispered this summer in Miami, that has grown into a near national obsession. Now that the Heat have LeBron and Wade, who takes the last shot?

Udonis Arrest: Heated Reactions

Haslem was arrested Sunday
for Marijuana possession.

Udonis Haslem was pulled over for speeding on Sunday afternoon and was later arrested for possession of marijuana. A search of his car yielded less than 20 grams. We can only speculate as to why the Miami Heat Forward would feel the need to drive under the influence. Perhaps he saw what Russell Westbrook was up to this weekend and decided he too had a serious snack attack. Haslem will be drug-tested and faces a maximum 5 year prison sentence.  


The Heat made quite a fuss about re-signing Haslem this summer to play alongside their newly minted triumvirate of LeBron, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade. Time will tell how this may or may not affect the Slumber Party Boys, but with not even a day gone by, everyone affiliated with the Miami Heat organization is speaking out on the issue. We've sorted through the numerous press conferences to bring you some of the thoughts of Udonis's colleagues and coworkers.

Erik Spoelstra
Head Coach

"I've never tried pot before. We watched a video on it in health class that said if we smoke dope we'll be homeless."

Pat Riley

Team President

"I knew I should never have hired my neighbor's kid to coach this team. This was totally his fault. I'm getting thirsty."

This Summit Ain't No High Point

NOTE: As I was finishing the following post, news broke that there will be no summit. Whatever. My opinion still stands and it's not like these guys aren't talking in a less official capacity.

While I am (not) sure that Andrew will be getting us ready for Thursday with an extended post on why Celtics-Lakers is a big old crock of horse shit that smells like poop and puts his pretty little head right to sleep, I would like to gripe about the current NBA event that people actually care about.

So Amar'e is in on the conspiracy. He is going to attend this "summit" and take part in a conversation that will apparently shape the foreseeable future of the NBA. He is going to sit in some secret lair with his four besties and talk about where he wants to go for his all expenses paid extended vacation. I, for one, hope that he and Misters James, Johnson, Wade and Bosh all get very lost on the day of that planned summit.

Because, ladies and gentlemen, I don't like it, not one bit. There are plenty of reasons why someone like me should find this kind of thing positive and exciting. First, it's just kind of cool to think about these guys gathering for anything, really. Also, the more people involved with this talk, the better chance my Knicks will be able to land LeBron +1. Plus, the traditional free agent game--with the all-powerful teams courting players and crafting deals that make decisions seem solely money-based--is not really something to mourn when it is absent.

And yet, I just straight-up hate the idea of this summit. I hate the fact that these players can collectively decide to make the Eastern Conference even more top-heavy. I hate that they are all sort of giving the finger to their current teams, at least in a more visible way than free agents have tended to do in the past. But honestly, my real problem here comes down to the fact that I still have some crazy notion that opponents should try to win against each other to the point where they could not really be friends. Next season, when I see Wade and Bron or Bosh and Amare going head to head, I will be thinking about how they collectively decided that these were the matchups that would occur. It will seem contrived and just a little too...friendly.

Maybe I'm too old-fashioned and maybe my NBA mythology is a little too much based on a warrior model, but goddammit, I would at least like to pretend that these guys don't get to plan out the next five years of the league based on the buddy system.