No Regard Recap: We Did It!

One Game We Watched Last Night: Boston Celtics vs. Orlando Magic

Celtics: 87, Magic: 56

In previewing this game, I practically dropped to my hands and knees and begged the Boston Celtics to create a video tribute honoring Big Baby's time as a Celtic. My favorite team's video department came through! The video was short, but it is the best video of all time.



The game itself was strange. The Cs were without established film actor Ray Allen and established commercial actor Rajon Rondo. Seemingly undermanned, the Celtics entrusted their point and shooting guard duties to Avery Bradley and Sasha Pavlovic respectively. They did not disappoint. Neither did Brandon "Big-Mouth Billy" Bass or Paul Pierce, who each dropped 19 in the victory. Pierce was as fit as he has been all season, playing the role of both facilitator and scorer.

Orlando's offensive was, simply stated, completely inept and only scored a scant 56 points. In his return, Big Baby shot 2-9 from the field, but was able to nab a respectable 11 rebounds. As a team, the Magic shot 26% from the field and could only manage 20 second half points. It was an ugly affair.

The story of the night, though, was of course the video tribute. It significantly over-shadowed the game. It was much celebrated by Glen Davis, the Magic (despite an abysmal performance), the Celtics and the entire NBA community.

One Game We Did Not Watch Last Night: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

Mavs: 93, Suns: 87

#FREESTEVENASH!

No Regard Preview: Video Tributes For Life

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Boston Celtics vs. Orlando Magic

The best part about players returning to their former teams' home arenas for the first time is trying to determine if the organization prepared a video tribute for the ex-whoever or not. Recently, when the Celtics welcomed back Perkins, they did so with this fantastic montage. It was emotional, awesome and super dope, all wrapped up into a video tribute. The Lakers gave Odom one as well.

Orlando is at Boston tonight, which means Big Baby is back in TD Bank North Garden. As such, I sit here nervously pondering if Glen will get the same respect and treatment as Perk. If it were up to me, I'd give every player a video tribute every night. Derrick Favors back in Newark? You bet your ass video tribute. Mr. Candace Parker back in Atlanta (dropped 5.5 a game as a rookie, a career high), Sacramento, Minnesota, Boston or New York? Video tribute, all day, please.

Sure, Perkins and Davis had significantly different careers with the Celtics. Perk was around from '03-'11, was a critical rebounder and defender, and bolstered a physical frontline that helped the team win a title. Conversely, Baby played from '07-'11, came off the bench, was inconsistent throughout and took a serious nosedive in terms of production towards the end of last season. On the plus side, he hit a game winner against Orlando in the playoffs and then accidentally barrelled over a young Orlando fan, he let Nate Robinson climb on his back and he was always hustling and taking charges.

Those reasons seem good enough for me: I expect a video tribute tonight and will turn off the TV if I do not get one.

One Game We May Or May Not Watch: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns


Right, Nash has played a bunch of games in Dallas since leaving the Mavericks in 2004, but they should really consider trotting out a video tribute for him tonight. They should put one together each time he comes back to Dallas. And actually, the Mavs should also throw up a video tribute to Dirk before every game, too. And the Suns should do that for Nash also. OK: Before every single game Nash or Dirk plays in, the arena should fire up a video tribute. Because they are the best. Just look at them up there.

NBA Player Placment Services: Glen Davis

With the lockout here, and here to stay, we have the sad prospect of no NBA games for quite some time. Instead of dwelling on the politics, finance and bullshit that's all conspired to strip our favorite league from us, we've decided to look on the bright side. New careers for our beloved NBA superstars! And what better place to look for these new ventures than Craigslist, a Website where wacky jobs are numerous and sometimes even real. Since they've already given us so much, we've taken the initiative to try and help these unemployed athletes find a new calling.
Craigslist Posting

7/20/2011, Pembroke, MA, Salon/Spa Positions

"Rapture Salon & Spa, in Pembroke Ma., is a modern, full service, upscale salon which has positions available for experienced hair stylist, esthetician and massage therapist who are professional and passionate about their trade. NEW LOCATION! Benefits available.

Looking for employment in an enthusiastic environment? Contact Heather at 781-829-0200. We look forward to meeting you!"
Why He Should Apply

Big Baby has always seeked employment in enthusiastic environments. He's a consummate professional and there is no questioning the passion he holds for his jobs.

Regarding the "experience" required as a hair stylist, esthetician (fuck if we know what that is) and massage therapist, I can only think to quote Neo from The Matrix as an appropriate way of articulating how much that drivel really matters to Glen Davis and his desire to work for Rapture Salon and Spa.

"Yeah, wow, that sounds like a really good deal. But I think I got a better one. How bout' I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call?"

What He Should Wear to the Interview

Handsome young man, Glen. Massage at will.

Celtics-Heat Game 1: Let's Get Physical, Physical

Yesterday's game one matchup in the Eastern semis between Boston and Miami presented what is likely to be the case for seven games: chippy basketball between two teams that so clearly hate each other, it's beyond Romeo and Juliet shit. Here are some (increasingly belligerent) thoughts that I jotted down as I watched in anguish, sipping Bud Light Wheats (or whatever they're called; good though, very good beer) and yelling at my television.

If You See Something, Say Something: Finals Game 7 Preview

Photo: Marcel Mutoni

Marcel Mutoni's Twitpics: Amazing, amazing pictures from press day at the Staples Center. Like Pau taking an escalator. Or Rondo's slippers (up top).

Rajon Rondo Twitter: Getting excited...

TrueHoop: Phil Jackson makes his players meditate before games. It's like he read a biography of himself and thought, "I wonder how Phil Jackson would prepare his players for big games... Oh, mediation. I'm a caricature of myself." Interesting read nonetheless.

Slam Online: A slew of rambunctious quotes from the players. Can't decide if Artest or Baby wins here. Baby: “We were the prey (in Game 6), and they ate us real bad.” Artest: “I don’t notice the crowd. Definitely not when I’m out there playing.”

Charles Oakley Twitter: Oak speaks that Carl Weathers. Admittedly, this one isn't about game 7. Can't win them all.

Question of the Day

What are the chances of this man winning the 2010 Finals MVP? Seriously. They're not zero, right?

League Changes Playoff Format, Finals Game 7 to be a Beer Pong Tournament

Thursday, June 17 - In a shocking break from precedent, the NBA announced late Wednesday that they would be changing the format of their playoff system effective immediately. With just one game remaining to decide the 2009-2010 League Champion, the questions were many. At a press conference late last night, Commissioner David Stern tried to assuage frantic members of the media:

"We have been discussing the need for a change in the format of playoff basketball for quite some time now and we feel that there is no better time to implement it than now."

The uproar was immediate, but Stern persisted. "Look, we've figured out that the game is just way too difficult to officiate. The players get too intense and it ends up being a situation where nobody's having fun, and the losing team gets really bummed out. We've figured out a way for everyone to win. Plus, we're tired of everyone getting mad at us."

When asked if this decision was related to the frequency of the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers competing in the Finals, Stern was vague. "My interest in this series has been lackluster. One of our summer interns actually proposed the idea for the change, and it sounded fun to see this settled differently this year."

Speculation is rampant given the drastic nature of these changes. Starting lineups are up in the air as coaches scramble to assess players' ability and tolerance for alcohol. Rumors from the Celtics camp are beginning to surface, and it is heavily suspected that Brian Scalabrine will be relied upon as the Boston's primary scoring option. Glen "Big Baby" Davis, exposed recently as a drool liability, may be declared inactive due to health concerns. Rajon Rondo, allegedly uninterested in recreational drinking, has asked Doc Rivers if he may be excused from competition to practice behind-the-back passes.

When asked some hard-hitting questions regarding the integrity of professional basketball and the league's youth-friendly image, Stern was ornery. "Listen pal, why don't we just wait and see how this goes." The commissioner then tried to go off the record to allege that he was "Pretty buzzed right now."

Tonight will be a different game. How will it go? Who will win? Will a new Finals MVP emerge? Post your comments below.

Finals Game 4: Babys R Us

"Because this is what legends are made of. This is where you grasp the moment. Immortality. This is all you can do right now." -Glen Davis

The ravings of a madman are perhaps all that can be used to describe this game. Everything about it seemed backwards. Despite being completely outplayed, the Celtics snuck past the Lakers and tied up the Finals. Their salvation did not come from men nicknamed Jesus or Truth, but rather from the one they call Big Baby, and a sidekick who coincidentally looks like a Baby.

For the most part, this game looked like it was was being played on a Tuesday night in December. With the exception of Kobe, the entire Lakers squad seemed to want to excuse themselves for the evening. They passed too much, shot too little, and seemed to hope someone else would win the game for them. Well some other guys did win the game, but they were wearing green.

Going into this series I assumed we'd eventually see a night where the Big 3 crumbled and Rondo went limp and Sheed locked himself in foul jail. What I would not have guessed is that the dynamic duo surfacing to spearhead the effort to win this game would have been Glen Davis and Nate Robinson. It was a remarkable sight to behold, and their post-game interviews are among my favorite things to come out of this finals so far. Davis grimaced at the microphone, concentrating so hard, as though he'd practiced this speech (the nonsense in italics above) since he was a kid. When Nate came on, he had a towel rolled around his neck and tucked into his shirt the way my mom used to do when I got out of swim lessons. The absolute jubilation in their faces won me over. I forgot entirely that before last night I'd really only mildly disliked these two players.

There may very well never be a night like that again. Nate and Baby will not be tearing it up anytime soon, the Lakers are never caught sleeping twice. The Big Four were given a pass last night, but on Sunday they'll be back in LA, and naptime will be over.