Thursday, June 17 - In a shocking break from precedent, the NBA announced late Wednesday that they would be changing the format of their playoff system effective immediately. With just one game remaining to decide the 2009-2010 League Champion, the questions were many. At a press conference late last night, Commissioner David Stern tried to assuage frantic members of the media:
"We have been discussing the need for a change in the format of playoff basketball for quite some time now and we feel that there is no better time to implement it than now."
The uproar was immediate, but Stern persisted. "Look, we've figured out that the game is just way too difficult to officiate. The players get too intense and it ends up being a situation where nobody's having fun, and the losing team gets really bummed out. We've figured out a way for everyone to win. Plus, we're tired of everyone getting mad at us."
When asked if this decision was related to the frequency of the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers competing in the Finals, Stern was vague. "My interest in this series has been lackluster. One of our summer interns actually proposed the idea for the change, and it sounded fun to see this settled differently this year."
Speculation is rampant given the drastic nature of these changes. Starting lineups are up in the air as coaches scramble to assess players' ability and tolerance for alcohol. Rumors from the Celtics camp are beginning to surface, and it is heavily suspected that Brian Scalabrine will be relied upon as the Boston's primary scoring option. Glen "Big Baby" Davis, exposed recently as a drool liability, may be declared inactive due to health concerns. Rajon Rondo, allegedly uninterested in recreational drinking, has asked Doc Rivers if he may be excused from competition to practice behind-the-back passes.
When asked some hard-hitting questions regarding the integrity of professional basketball and the league's youth-friendly image, Stern was ornery. "Listen pal, why don't we just wait and see how this goes." The commissioner then tried to go off the record to allege that he was "Pretty buzzed right now."
Tonight will be a different game. How will it go? Who will win? Will a new Finals MVP emerge? Post your comments below.
This will turn into the Kobe vs. Ray-Ray show. I just can't picture either of them not getting send backs.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying Fisher doesn't hit the death cup.
Watch for Garnett, Bynum, and Pau to get called for leaning due to their long arms. They'll have to stand very far back from the table to ensure they don't have made shots taken away.
X factor? Choice of beer. I imagine if Stern goes with Bud Heavies the C's will have the advantage. Silver Bullets, look for LA to win without re-racking.
There's an easy mistake to be made here in underestimating the Lake show. Clear as my biases are, let's not forget that the West coast knows how to party. I've gotten in over my head more than a few times with SoCal dudes in pong before and it's a mistake we see too often.
ReplyDelete3 things to watch for that no one's mentioned:
1) In Beer Pong, fouls are almost exclusively offensive and screaming trash talk is not only free of the danger of technicals, it's encouraged. This is a huge blow to LA, who will certainly see a flailing Fish and an angry Kobe looking for calls. Meanwhile, Perk will be screaming things that would make marines blush from crutches.
2) Sasha Vujacic is going to be a sleeper hit in this new game. The only thing he's ever been good at, wide open looks, is now the whole game. Downside: I hear his drink of choice is a bay breeze "heavy on the bay, light on the breeze." Expect him to come out firing and pass out under the table early.
3) Stern's ruling on the legality of a Nate/Baby giant player via shoulder stack. This strategy, drawn up by rivers, allows the fiery Robinson to rain down from an advantageous height while his tank platform takes the otherwise debilitating drinks for the little guy. There's been some talk of an offsetting rule allowing them half the throws, but this could be a fatal blow to Kobe and Co.
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