Bibby's World: Too Much Mustard

I don't know what's going on anymore. For the first time in my life, I feel too important. I can't buy a car without someone calling out my name or screaming, "GREAT JOB" or "YOU SUCK" or some combination of the two. Every time I touch the rock in a game, I feel the whole world watching me, staring at me like I'm some performer on The Voice. Each time I release for a three, a small part of me hopes that it won't go in so that LeBron won't pass me the ball next time, so that Wade won't mention my name in the next huddle, and so that Bosh won't touch my head on the way to the locker room.

League Changes Playoff Format, Finals Game 7 to be a Beer Pong Tournament

Thursday, June 17 - In a shocking break from precedent, the NBA announced late Wednesday that they would be changing the format of their playoff system effective immediately. With just one game remaining to decide the 2009-2010 League Champion, the questions were many. At a press conference late last night, Commissioner David Stern tried to assuage frantic members of the media:

"We have been discussing the need for a change in the format of playoff basketball for quite some time now and we feel that there is no better time to implement it than now."

The uproar was immediate, but Stern persisted. "Look, we've figured out that the game is just way too difficult to officiate. The players get too intense and it ends up being a situation where nobody's having fun, and the losing team gets really bummed out. We've figured out a way for everyone to win. Plus, we're tired of everyone getting mad at us."

When asked if this decision was related to the frequency of the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers competing in the Finals, Stern was vague. "My interest in this series has been lackluster. One of our summer interns actually proposed the idea for the change, and it sounded fun to see this settled differently this year."

Speculation is rampant given the drastic nature of these changes. Starting lineups are up in the air as coaches scramble to assess players' ability and tolerance for alcohol. Rumors from the Celtics camp are beginning to surface, and it is heavily suspected that Brian Scalabrine will be relied upon as the Boston's primary scoring option. Glen "Big Baby" Davis, exposed recently as a drool liability, may be declared inactive due to health concerns. Rajon Rondo, allegedly uninterested in recreational drinking, has asked Doc Rivers if he may be excused from competition to practice behind-the-back passes.

When asked some hard-hitting questions regarding the integrity of professional basketball and the league's youth-friendly image, Stern was ornery. "Listen pal, why don't we just wait and see how this goes." The commissioner then tried to go off the record to allege that he was "Pretty buzzed right now."

Tonight will be a different game. How will it go? Who will win? Will a new Finals MVP emerge? Post your comments below.

Finals Game 5: Kobe Searches for Missing Teammates

Rondo's rebounding is just confusing Pau Gasol now. As he reached over top the Spaniard in the fourth to poke in a putback with his ET fingers, Pau looked around as if a sudden gust of wind had played a mean trick on him. You may be surprised to learn that Rondo's hands, and I looked this up, are 48 inches long. Each. Also his ball fakes are like porn. But dirtier.

Game 5 was a return to the dictatorial reign of Rondo over the pace of the game. Nate Robinson brought his signature brand of terrier ball with moments of selflessness that were atypical and, frankly, touching. Almost nothing about L.A. looked even remotely awake.

Astonishingly enough, it stayed close and more than a little fun to watch. This is almost solely due to the mythological performance of the Mamba, who reminded us that every once in a while, he forgets how to miss. The craziest thing about watching him raise up and hit impossible shot after impossible shot is that you start registering surprise when he does miss. "What happened there?" You think. "Oh yes, there was a guard in his face and a forward inside of him when he shot."

I'll leave you to look forward to Game 6 with a few free association thoughts I had while watching the game:

-Phil Jackson refuses to follow Kobe's orders: "Let me guard him" re: Pierce. Relatively certain that Phil will backhand him after the game with a 5-ringed hand to remind him who's Sith lord and who's the apprentice. Then he'll make him kiss all five rings on the other hand.

Headline from tomorrow - Phil Jackson puts the Lakers' bench up for bidding on eBay. Opening bid: $6 or best offer.

-Flopfest 2010, Headliner: Derek Fisher. Also don't miss hot new acts like Ron Artest with his hit single "Pushed by a 90-pound Point Guard: Forget Physics."

-Tony Allen just blocked Pau Gasol into the backboard. No joke here, that actually just happened.

-If I see one more sports writer use the phrase "The Truth will set you free," I'm buying a gun.