Team Dreamin' 2011: NBA All Star Weekend

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

I have believed for some time now that the Saturday night events at the NBA's All-Star weekend rank as the best All-Star events for any current American professional sports league. However, there is a certain competition that Stern has yet to implement that he needs to seriously consider. This event would kill it.

How about it, David? Host a 1 on 1 tournament in Los Angeles during this years All-Star festivities.

Whoa. I know, crazy right? But ponder it for a moment and try and come up with some sort of legitimate argument which suggests that hosting an 8 person 1 on 1 tournament during All-Star weekend is not a brilliant idea for David Stern to think about.

Here's how the single elimination style tourney should be played out. Select 8 potential 1 on 1 players in the NBA via fan voting. For argument's sake: Kobe, Lebron, Melo, Cp3, Wade, Howard, Durant, and Rondo receive the most votes and all agree to compete in LA. The names are put into a hat and the bracket is randomly selected by luck of the draw. First round and semi-final games would be played to 7 with 3's counting as 2's and 2's counting for 1. The final match will be played to 11. Please take a moment and picture what might be witnessed if this were to go down.

Everyone grows up playing 1 on 1. It is ball in its most basic and fundamental form. Undoubtedly, games are won and lost based on the outcome of individual 1 on 1 battles throughout 4 quarters of play. Being able to watch the most ridiculous ballers in the world go at it in a 1 on 1 situation would be unforgettable. Seriously, let's put aside the "What if someone gets hurt?" nonsense and facilitate the coolest thing ever this February.

We Got Now

As a fan of the NBA during the inception of the WNBA, I specifically remember one of their earliest advertising slogans, "We got next." Fair enough. Whose got now then? The golden-era of current point guards in the NBA, that's who.

League Changes Playoff Format, Finals Game 7 to be a Beer Pong Tournament

Thursday, June 17 - In a shocking break from precedent, the NBA announced late Wednesday that they would be changing the format of their playoff system effective immediately. With just one game remaining to decide the 2009-2010 League Champion, the questions were many. At a press conference late last night, Commissioner David Stern tried to assuage frantic members of the media:

"We have been discussing the need for a change in the format of playoff basketball for quite some time now and we feel that there is no better time to implement it than now."

The uproar was immediate, but Stern persisted. "Look, we've figured out that the game is just way too difficult to officiate. The players get too intense and it ends up being a situation where nobody's having fun, and the losing team gets really bummed out. We've figured out a way for everyone to win. Plus, we're tired of everyone getting mad at us."

When asked if this decision was related to the frequency of the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers competing in the Finals, Stern was vague. "My interest in this series has been lackluster. One of our summer interns actually proposed the idea for the change, and it sounded fun to see this settled differently this year."

Speculation is rampant given the drastic nature of these changes. Starting lineups are up in the air as coaches scramble to assess players' ability and tolerance for alcohol. Rumors from the Celtics camp are beginning to surface, and it is heavily suspected that Brian Scalabrine will be relied upon as the Boston's primary scoring option. Glen "Big Baby" Davis, exposed recently as a drool liability, may be declared inactive due to health concerns. Rajon Rondo, allegedly uninterested in recreational drinking, has asked Doc Rivers if he may be excused from competition to practice behind-the-back passes.

When asked some hard-hitting questions regarding the integrity of professional basketball and the league's youth-friendly image, Stern was ornery. "Listen pal, why don't we just wait and see how this goes." The commissioner then tried to go off the record to allege that he was "Pretty buzzed right now."

Tonight will be a different game. How will it go? Who will win? Will a new Finals MVP emerge? Post your comments below.

If You See Something, Say Something

IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

Brain On Funk: Amazing how Doc Funk was able to get on that space station with Jay-Z and Prokhorov.

Slam Magazine [via FD]: Preview of Lang Whitaker's cover story on Rondo. "I didn’t watch the NBA until maybe my freshman year of college, because I was trying to get there. It just wasn’t interesting to me." Says he never saw Jordan, never saw Garnett, never saw Hakeem. Makes sense in that his aesthetics are wholly unique and his approach is so blue-collar, but he just keeps moving further down the list of players I'd want to hang out with. Let's all pinky swear to buy this issue when it hits newsstands, underline all our favorite parts and keep it under our pillows.

Slam Magazine: LeBron on stage with Drake. Is LeBron so timid about throwing up the Roc because he doesn't want to offend Drake's Young Money sensibilities or because he suddenly realizes he's not entirely sure what he's supposed to do at a hip-hop show? Because he's a basketball player and all. (He is, right?) I hope he signs with No Limit Records in July instead of an NBA team and records "Make 'Em Say Uhh! Pt. II" featuring Mystikal and Troy Hudson, with Artest dropping Jeezy-level ad-libs.

Don Cannon/ Vitamin Water "Mixtape": In case you wanted to hear all the stale "reasons" why LeBron should/will come to [insert team with cap space here] spit by Jadakiss, Mikey Rocks and others (seriously, doesn't matter who), that's what this is. They all rhyme way too literally here, but Mikey Rocks drives home one thing we can all agree on: "Just no more rings for L.A./Nah, no more rings for L.A."

The No-Look Pass [via BDL]: Ignoring the urge to try to figure out if I would think this was gross if it was an NFL player wearing a comparable shirt. Because it's not. It's Kevin Durant and it's hilarious.