Yesterday's game one matchup in the Eastern semis between Boston and Miami presented what is likely to be the case for seven games: chippy basketball between two teams that so clearly hate each other, it's beyond Romeo and Juliet shit. Here are some (increasingly belligerent) thoughts that I jotted down as I watched in anguish, sipping Bud Light Wheats (or whatever they're called; good though, very good beer) and yelling at my television.What was up with Pierce? He appeared either drunk, hungover or on some sort of painkiller. He couldn't dribble and didn't even hustle. It took getting draped by Jimmy Jones to fire him up, and even that reaction was more reminiscent of Paulie Walnuts than the Truth. Normally collected and calm, something was wrong with #34. Similarly, KG seemed slightly out of sorts, incapable of dominating the softie Bosh on the offensive end and sluggish overall. And while were on the topic, why wasn't Rondo able to blow by the slower, uglier and older Mike Bibby. Not to mention that my boy JO only nabbed three boards while matched up against fuckin' Big Z. If the Cs are down 3-0 and game four is out of hand, I would be okay with a running hay maker on a Heat fan.
I don't care what Van Gundy and Mark Jackson suggested, I loved the Cs early hard fouls on LeBron in transition. If I learned anything as a 3rd grade fan of basketball, it's that you don't give up layups in the playoffs. Boston's always been physical and Bron Bron can struggle from the line: Rattle the King and make him earn it.
I wish I could read lips to hear what Pierce said to Wade and what D-West said to get them their technicals. Also, I wish I could hear what Ray Allen said to Eddie House after he drained that off-balance three next to the Heat bench in the third quarter. Jesus Shuttlesworth might actually be Jesus, or a fine wine, or just a great baller and actor, or all of the above.
Can someone please guard Jimbo Jones! Anybody?
Why do D-West, Kristic and Jeff Green all suck now that they live in Massachusetts? And why does Big Baby suck even worse? Davis' +/- was -21. That's textbook "Willis McGahee, Horrible knee injury!" I'd like an explanation on all this suckiness in regards to Doc River's bench.
Speaking of Kristic, if Boston is down 3-0 and game four is out of hand, I wouldn't mind a steel chair thrown in the direction of D-Wade.
Finally, F D-Wade. That is all. Can't wait till Tuesday night.
I'm a big fan of the new game you're playing, Pete: Call James Jones anything but James, and make sure it's different every time. I'm in.
ReplyDeleteThanks buddy. Although how many different names can I come up with? I'm slightly nervous.
ReplyDeleteWell I don't want to waste too many here, but: Jam Jam Jones, Jameson Irish Whiskey Jones, Strawberry Jam Jones. But seriously, his real first name won't ever appear on this website again.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit. I had never actually watched the Horrible Knee Injury video before.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think we all know how I feel about Paulie Walnuts...
Those are good, Andrew. Amazing video, huh, Cathalicious?
ReplyDeleteThere's also the classic, JJ, but yeah, never again, we can agree on that.
You guys missed the most obvious: Jughead Jones. Thank you, Archie and Friends. By the by, don't let anyone every try to sell you on Betty is hotter than Veronica. It's bullshit.
ReplyDeleteIsn't Jimbo Jones a Simpsons character?
Also, I had no idea about the Kristic chair throw! Holy shit. Why can't he just do that in Game 2? Can't you just see Coach Spo holding on to Kristic's ankles as he tosses a chair?
Also, I think Pete has finally acknowledged what a disaster THE TRADE that will remain nameless has been. It's the exact opposite of the Sox trading Nomar for OC in their first World Series season. That was catapulting. This was back breaking. Shaq. 32 games. 5 minutes. Boom goes the dynamite.