Sick LeBron, Aching for a Statue, and McHale vs. the Frank

The Miami Heat evened the Eastern Conference finals on Wednesday night with stifling defense and another impressive fourth quarter performance from LeBron James. With the series knotted at one game a piece headed back to South Beach, here's what we gathered from game two:

NBA Middle Names: Udonis Haslem

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

Udonis Johneal Haslem

Udonis Arrest: Heated Reactions

Haslem was arrested Sunday
for Marijuana possession.

Udonis Haslem was pulled over for speeding on Sunday afternoon and was later arrested for possession of marijuana. A search of his car yielded less than 20 grams. We can only speculate as to why the Miami Heat Forward would feel the need to drive under the influence. Perhaps he saw what Russell Westbrook was up to this weekend and decided he too had a serious snack attack. Haslem will be drug-tested and faces a maximum 5 year prison sentence.  


The Heat made quite a fuss about re-signing Haslem this summer to play alongside their newly minted triumvirate of LeBron, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade. Time will tell how this may or may not affect the Slumber Party Boys, but with not even a day gone by, everyone affiliated with the Miami Heat organization is speaking out on the issue. We've sorted through the numerous press conferences to bring you some of the thoughts of Udonis's colleagues and coworkers.

Erik Spoelstra
Head Coach

"I've never tried pot before. We watched a video on it in health class that said if we smoke dope we'll be homeless."

Pat Riley

Team President

"I knew I should never have hired my neighbor's kid to coach this team. This was totally his fault. I'm getting thirsty."