Lockout Update: Chauncey Billups

Also rocked a red hoodie. Tyson Chandler and Carmelo decided to go with scarves.

NBA Middle Names: Tyson Chandler

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

Tyson Cleotis Chandler

No Regard Daily Recap: When the Circus Comes to Town

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

This is slightly awkward, but we've got to own up to our actions last night. Certain members of the No Regard staff took our talents to a Phish concert last night instead of watching game one of the NBA finals. I know what your thinking, "Wow, these guys are pretty selfish and fake." Possibly, but there is good news! We are going to recap the game anyway, without having watched it. Don't worry, we've done this before. And here, we, go...

*Looking at the box score I see some typical numbers and some surprising ones. No shock that LBJ dropped 24 on 9-16 shooting, however I still have not gotten used to his supremely accurate outside shooting. The days of forcing the King out on the perimeter to try and stop him are long gone.

*Speaking of which, this is his first NBA finals victory ever. I suspect it won't be his last. Just a weird feeling I'm getting.

*It pisses me off that Bosh got to the line 12 times. I expect more from Tyson Chandler.

*The Dallas bench can feel free to join the series whenever they see fit.

*I'm loving Bibby's +/- of -2, and 0-4 from the field in 14 minutes of play. Still starting though. Keep up the good work, Mike!

*The Dirkus Circus tore a ligament on one of the fingers on his left hand. I have no idea if this will have any affect on his game whatsoever.

*Some nice highlights, the D-Wade to Bron Bron alley-oop at the end of the fourth quarter was particularly tantalizing.

*According to Andrew Abides, every time Peja misses a three he ought to be benched. I agree with this perspective. When you can't defend the worst player in the D-League, you ought to at least do your one job.

*I hate all the, "Heat are definitely going to sweep" people out there. Can we let this series play out a little bit?

In Other NBA News...

*Shaq retired via twitter. You can bet your mortgage that we'll have more coverage on the Diesel. For now, cheers to a great basketball player and an even better man.

*Lakers hired Mike Brown. Good for him, but I feel terribly for Brian Shaw. He deserves his chance. Also, is Mike Brown even a good coach? I'm not convinced.

*Kevin McHale is the newest coach of Rockets. He was an awful GM and an amazing analyst. Using math, we can assume that he'll make an average coach.

In Cold Blood With A Toothpick

For a league in which the current trend seems to be all about budding young superstars, the Dallas Mavericks proved that age and cunning can still beat youth and vigor. Carried on the shoulders of one of the most remarkable individual shooting performances in conference finals history, the Mavs bested OKC 4-1, in a series that was more closely contested than its final scoreline.

It's obvious to point to Nowitzki's lights-out shooting as the main catalyst for success in Dallas this year, but Cuban's army received contributions from many different parties.

There was the ridiculously smart point-guard play from veteran Jason Kidd who, lost in all of this, has his third chance now to finally obtain the NBA's most precious jewelry. The inside presence of Tyson Chandler, whose passion for rebounding and defense compliment Dirk's offensive mastery to perfection. Jet Terry did what he's always done, hit shots and then spread his arms out like that of an airplane. Shawn Marion's resurgence, J.J. Barea's slicing penetration... the list goes on.

Up next for Big D is most likely the Miami Heat, who will provide an immense challenge. I'm tickled thinking about some of these matchups: Bron on Dirk, DeShawn on Bron, that crazy $5 bill tattoo on DeShawn, the ballsy Larry O'Brien trophy tattoo on Jet, Jet on Super Nintendo Chalmers, Super Nintendo Chalmers on J.J. Barea, J.J. Barea on Mike Bibby, Mike Bibby on Jason Kidd in the 2011 NBA Finals!

It should be a hell of a series, if for no other reason than we'll be seeing (barring history by the Chicago Bulls) the two best teams in the playoffs led by the two best players in the playoffs. While Dallas might feel somewhat satisfied knowing that many of the "experts" didn't even pick them to beat Portland in the first round, they know that right now second place will not satisfy the public. We need them to be more than an also-ran.

Shock the world, Dallas Mavericks.

Same Day Freight

Yesterday afternoon the Dallas Mavericks made history by dumping what is known unequivocally as the worst contract in team history. Center and lamppost Erick Dampier, whose 7-year contract has 1 year remaining at a staggering 13.1 million dollars, will be successfully delivered to the Charlotte Bobcats in return for actual basketball players. Tyson Chandler and Alexis Ajinca will arrive in exchange for Eduardo Najera, Matt Carol and the Big Man from Mississippi.

(Pictured: Dampier not blocking)

Shortly after the deal was signed, I spoke with my brother in Dallas.  I could barely hear him over the screams of elation as people ran wild in the streets of Big D and did their damndest to show up Madrid and Barcelona in the contest for most destructive celebration riot.  Our conversation went roughly as follows: