2011 No Regard Playoff Power Rankings

The 2011 NBA Playoffs are over. All of the teams and players are dead except for the Dallas Mavericks. But that doesn't mean we can't reminisce about the joy they brought us a scant two months ago. Thus, the 2011 No Regard Playoff Power Rankings.

Feel free to voice your displeasure with our rankings in the comments section, but just know our algorithm is German engineered. And you know how they do.

25. Brian Cardinal
We literally didn't know this dude existed until we saw him boxing some Miami Heat players. We're still not convinced he's not a ghost.

24. Amar'e Stoudemire
He had two monster possessions against Kevin Garnett, before he got injured and his team got swept. Not nothing, you know?

23. Jrue Holiday
The California native was a consistent scorer for the upstart Philadelphia 76ers and fought valiantly in a losing effort against the eventual Eastern Conference Champs. He was 11-21 from beyond the arc in the series, which is pretty damn impressive. We like him. Not like like him, but we also don't know him very well yet. 

22. Carmelo Anthony
His game two performance, despite the loss, was vintage Melo. Had us falling in love all over again. Not that we ever fell out of love, though.

21. Brandon Roy

Brandon Roy has two first names; strange that we just noticed this now. His game four performance was Herculean.

20. Dwight Howard

Orlando was in this playoffs? Let us guess, Howard had 50 and 20 each game and they still lost because guys like JJ Redick and Hedo are key aspects of their roster. Oh really? That pretty much exactly happened? Oh.

19. Rajon Rondo

We haven't seen an injury that brutal since Willis McGahee's horrible knee injury. The socially awkward superstar reminded us how tough he is and how dominate he can be when focused.

18. Kurt Thomas
Top five power forwards of all time: Kurt Thomas, Kurt Thomas, Kurt Thomas, Kurt Thomas and Charles Oakley.

17. Kobe Bryant

Seems low, right? But who were we going to bump? Tyson Chandler? Josh Smith? James Harden? You must not know us very well, then.

16. Jeff Teague
Our list of point guards we're most excited to watch next season because they're not stars yet but might just get there someday is an antioxidant-rich blend of Ricky Rubio, James Harden, Brandon Jennings (always and forever) and Jeff Teague.

15. Jason Kidd

Even though some of us here are still peeved by the disparaging comments he's made about the state of New Jersey, it's tough to knock how successful he was by playing old man pick-up ball and adding the J to his first name.

14. Tyson Chandler
Kind of the reason the Mavs were the last team standing, right?

13. Josh Smith

Smoove was so good these playoffs, he had announcers and pundits talking like he was a new thing.

12. Tony Allen
There was one game during the Spurs Reckoning when he got bumped off the court and landed on the scorer's table. He looked so angry, Malice in the Palace: Part 2 seemed in play. But instead he just hammed it up to the ref, hopped off the table without letting his teammates help him and then started giggling heartily once his feet touched hardwood. He's a terrifying and dangerous clown, but a clown all the same.

11. Russell Westbrook
We flirted with putting him number one on this list because the love here is unconditional and we can't fault a person for poor decision-making (as that's a forte of this staff). But we chose not to because Westbrook seems like a good dude to mess with.

10. JJ Barea
My dad knows who he is now. But my dad also knows who Courtney Lee is, so I'm not sure we should use my dad as a barometer.

9. James Harden
He became the most interesting point guard to sign up for the revolution.

8. Chris Bosh
Today, a co-worker told us about a summer cocktail Bosh would probably dig: Peach Grey Goose, GuS Ginger Ale and a lime wedge.

7. Jason Terry

He thanks God more forcefully than any athlete we've ever seen. He shit-talked LeBron and backed it up. Oh yeah, he was also red-hot in game six when Dirk couldn't buy a bucket. The Jet deserves respect, even if he comes off as a bit of a dick.

6. Zach Randolph
Had stretches of offensive dominance matched only by Dirk. Has a redemptive narrative and face even your grandmother would like.

5. Derrick Rose
Rose continued in his role as the straw that stirs the drink for Chicago. With barely any offensive help, D-Rose managed to make a competitive series out of the Eastern Finals with 6'8" (but really like 6'10") LeBron James draped all over him. He'll lick his wounds, learn from a few missed foul shots in crunch time and come back better than ever next year.

4. Kevin Durant


3. Dwyane Wade
Is probably the first person ever to yell at LeBron James.

2. LeBron James

Unquestionably the most fascinating athlete we've ever witnessed. Shut down Pierce and Rose in the second and third rounds, respectively, hit some game-changing shots and played a million minutes every night. He didn't light up the scoreboard in the finals, but then again this is a guy who gets blasted even after producing a triple-double in a finals game, if that tells you anything.

1. Dirk Nowitzki
Had four or five career defining games. Hit 175 out of 186 free throws (in the final 16 games of the playoffs, he only missed four). Made quick work of the two Western Conference favorites. Freaked out so hard when he realized he'd won a ring, that he left the court before the game was over and had to be coaxed out of the locker room for the presentation of his championship and Finals MVP trophies. What else is there to say about Dirk? The man can shoot the shit out of a basketball. That pretty much sums it up.