Know Your Draft Prospects: The Yearbook Edition

Every year, as the NBA Draft approaches, we, like everyone else, try to wrap our heads around all of the talented young man who are about to become filthy rich young men. We've seen most of them play, but we yearn to understand them more as human beings, to know them as we know our friends. With this in mind, we set out to figure out the best way to get across our thoughts on some of the premier players in this year's draft while helping our readers better understand the personalities behind the prospects. And what better way is there to understand a young person than to look at their yearbook? It is in there that we see how they wish to portray themselves, and more importantly, how others see them. Specifically, it is the class superlatives that reveal the real nature of many. Here are some that we've assigned to this year's draft class. Rookies—they're just like us!

Most Likely to Succeed Blake Griffin as League's Poster Boy: Derrick Williams



















Williams, next to Kemba Walker, may be the prospect who increased his stock the most in the NCAA tournament. And he did so by throwing basketballs through rims with a violence that should be making Blake Griffin shake in his Kia-sponsored boots. In leading Arizona to the Elite Eight, he displayed a kind of freakish athleticism that can make him seem like the only grown man in a class full of pubescent boys. Derrick Williams: Coming soon to your nephew's wall.

Yearbook Quote: "One defends when his strength is inadequate, he attacks when it is abundant."- Sun Tzu


Best Smile After Sticking a Dagger Through a Team's Heart: Kemba Walker





















Throughout the 2011 NCAA tournament, as well as the Big East Tournament before it, Kemba Walker got the chance to flash his pearly whites very frequently. This is because he takes a special joy in sticking a knife right into teams' cores for 39 minutes, then twisting and pulling it out in the final 60 seconds, leaving them bleeding in a pool of their own foolish optimism. Too graphic? It's okay, just take a look at that grin. Everything will be fine. But teams with lottery picks: Pass him up at your risk.

Yearbook Quote: "A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history." - Mahatma Gandhi

Cutest Couple of Twins: Marcus and Markeiff Morris

Let's get something out of the way. Twins are creepy. I know I'm not the first to say that, and I won't be the last, but it's true. That whole feeling what the other feels, thinking what the other thinks, not being able to be very far apart thing? Stop it, twins. That said, the Morris brothers are kind of an exception. They're clearly really into the fact that they're twins, which sucks and is all weird and shit, but they also complement each other well on the basketball court and they seem ready to get drafted by two teams that could potentially be 3,000 miles away from each other. So go 'head, Morrises. Wear the same clothes with slight variations in color, finish each other's sentences, play elaborate switcheroo pranks on friends. It could always be worse.

Yearbook Quote: "My name is Julius and I am your twin brother." - Julius Benedict in the movie Twins


Most School Spirit (Plus City and Religious Spirit): Jimmer Fredette

Jimmer stayed True BYU throughout the whole Brandon Davies controversy, never coming out against the administration that essentially ruined the team's chance at making a real push for tournament glory this past year. If ever a program had a player that could also function as a mascot, it was Brigham Young and their Jimmer. He represented everything the school could ever want in a star: a well-behaved, white Mormon who, as far as they know, wasn't having sex with his cheerleader girlfriend. Salt Lake City will crumble if Jimmeroni gets taken off the board before the Jazz's 12th pick.

Yearbook Quote: "All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful." - Joseph Smith


Biggest Flirt, At Least Until Next Year: Jonas Valanciunas




















His name is Jonas. Some say that he's for real. Like, for real for real. But whichever team bites on this Lithuanian seven-footer will have to wait until 2012-2013 to truly sink their teeth in, so to speak. That's because Valanciunas, the strumpet that he is, has been flashing his goods all around town knowing full well that his European contract buyout won't allow him to see any NBA game time until next year. So beware, teams. You can chase him around all you like, but at the end of the day, he might break a leg and break your heart.

Yearbook Quote: "Good things come to those who wait." - Proverb


Most Attractive, Even if You Haven't Seen Him Much: Kyrie Irving
















Kyrie Irving is basically that super gorgeous girl who didn't show up to school all that often, but when she did—mostly at the beginning and end of the year—everything revolved around her and it seemed like she owned the damn joint. After missing most of his freshman season at Duke with a toe injury, Irving has still managed to become a nearly unanimous number one pick in mock drafts across the nation, based on the current league-wide boner for franchise point guards and the quickness and scoring ability that makes Derrick Rose comparisons at least somewhat founded. Oh, and just like that hot girl, he's from Australia. Of course.

Yearbook Quote: "Wisdom is the abstract of the past, but beauty is the promise of the future." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


Most Mysterious: Enes Kanter



















Kanter is probably the most interesting case in a draft that lacks too many big story lines. If you're not familiar with the man behind the question mark: Kanter was declared permanently ineligible to play basketball at Kentucky after receiving $33,000 in benefits from a Turkish pro team. Which means all the hubbub currently surrounding the big man, who describes himself as a hybrid of Pau Gasol's post game and Dirk Nowitzki's shooting ability, comes from one American high school season, his MVP run in the 2009 FIBA Europe Under-18 Championship, a wildly impressive showing at the 2010 Nike Hoops Summit, and spotty appearances in the Turkish pro league. We feel like we haven't gotten too much of an opportunity to know this guy, but hey, we'll probably run into him a lot in the future.

Yearbook Quote: "Greatness is a road leading towards the unknown." - Charles de Gaulle