All-Star Weekend: Best Coast, Beast Coast

Let’s open this post by saying that we, the No Regard staff, do not support nor condone violence, unless it is simulated or the result of really cool explosions in a Michael Bay movie. We hate real violence, though, and we were as shocked and saddened as anyone by the slayings of Tupac Shakur and Christopher Wallace in 1996 and 1997, respectively. So please know that we’re not glorifying any of that.

That said, I mean, come on. Who among our readers has never thought about that fateful mid-90s coastal rap feud when thinking about the NBA All-Star Game? It’s too easy. East vs. West. Shifting allegiances. Players who are largely—and we acknowledge and accept the arguably dicey territory we’re getting into here—hip-hop fans and some of whom even hang out with rappers.

So considering all that, we couldn’t pass up the idea of matching up this year’s All-Star Game starting rosters with some of the key players from the East vs. West hip-hop feud that shook up the pre-millenium years. Most of the rappers here were on the Bad Boy and Death Row rosters, but there is one (or depending on what career era you’re looking at, a few) exception. Our matches are based on similarities in career paths, styles, and, to some extent, gut feelings we couldn’t get over. We’ve also offered sample lyrics for each that we believe speak to the similarities between the rappers and the players.

Here goes something.


Eastern Conference:

Dwayne Wade as Nas

Two of the undisputed most technically sound practitioners of their games, these guys are loved by skill nerds and always linger in the background of the "Who's the best?" discussion.

"Yet I'm the mild, money gettin style, rollin foul The versatile, honey stickin wild, golden child"

Derrick Rose as Biggie Smalls

Although there were bloody battles within our camp about Biggie's talent as a lyricist (Andrew Abides on the "not so great" side, Adam Ain't on the "very good" side), there's no argument that there's a very similar sense between Rose's pure athleticism and Biggie's ferocious flow.

"Sky is the limit, and you know that you can have what you want, be what you want..."

Amar’e Stoudemire as Shyne Smalls

Yeah, Shyne came a little after Pac and Biggie were buried, but the parallels between him and STAT are too perfect to not include him. Amar’e’s two microfracture surgeries seemed a prison stint for the all-world leaper, but dude came back with a ruthless mid-range game and few extra gallons of swag. Oh yeah: Judaism and Judaism.

"My Air Force Ones you couldn't walk a mile in/I love politics, narcotics, and violins"

Dwight Howard as Mase

Oozing raw talent. Charismatic, fun-loving. Jesus freak. Underrated, even for a superstar. The highlight of Mase’s career was a guest spot on the greatest single of the Shiny Suit Era, and to me, that either equates to Dwight’s dunk contest heroics or the fact that maybe the dude needs some more talent on his team to reach the apex. Mo’ problems indeed.

"I see the magic in your eyes/Strong enough you know to bring your dreams to life"

Lebron James as Puff Daddy

A businessman. A business, man. Someone who's the just the right blend of controversial black man, lovable ringleader, and safe for work pop star. Your grandmother even knows his name.

"I got the highest stature, Miami diamond flasher, I got you caught in the most flyest and stylish rapture"

Western Conference:

Kobe Bryant as Tupac

Big in California, revolutionary, and talented beyond years. Passionate? More than most people will ever understand.

"Thats why we go to Thug Mansion. Thats the only place where thugs get in free and you gotta be a G. At Thug, Mansion."

Carmelo Anthony as Suge

Suge, along with the media, was really the one instigating and egging on the entire East vs. West endeavor; whether directly or not, there’s some blood on the man’s hands. Similarly, Melo’s circus of terror this season has—in varying degrees—ruined the Nuggets, the Nets, the Knicks, Rip Hamilton, Chris Broussard, Devin Harris, the entire profession of sports reporting, and probably a whole bunch of other things. That being said, dude’s a kingpin.

Yao Ming as Snoop Dogg

Arguably the most skilled player over 7'2" in NBA history, Yao Ming is special. Arguably the best rapper over 6'4", Snoop's a unique and unprecedented talent, as well. Unfortunately, each man has lost something with age that he'll doubtfully be able to regain.

"Ain't no other way to play the game the way I play."

Chris Paul as Kurupt

The Dogg Pound's second comeback has elements akin to what CP3 toasted about during Melo's wedding. Both these guys make everyone around them better.

"We rippin it up, we be givin it up
On the daily homeboy we be givin it up"

Kevin Durant as Dr. Dre

Potential piled with potential, let's hope that the pinnacle of KD's career isn't delayed as long as Dre's Detox album. Durant is the courageous young leader of young men in OKC, Dre was the courageous young leader of young men in NWA.

"I'm scopin often where the spotlights shine
Me and my crew drinkin tryin ta have a good time"