Bibby's World: MVP

Don't know how we locked this down, but we'd like to introduce you to No Regard's newest blogging sensation... Mike Bibby! He'll be checking in whenever he can, just to remind us: It's Bibby's World, we just live in it!

THAT'S RIGHT! It's ALL true! Everything you're hearing. Every last word of it:

Mike Bibby is on FIRE this season. 

PPG: 13.5

STL: .5

AST: 3.8

REB: 1.3

3PM: 2.3

FG%: 56%

Stats don't lie. Neither does Ball. But that's apparently a different website. 

Anyhow, to those of you who are wondering what this all means, keep reading.

To those of you who don't care, why don't you go watch The Event or something, because basketball is clearly not for you.

So I might've lied about the whole thing. I might've lied about getting fat, losing focus, getting drunk with my son, eating too much pizza, weighing myself against Josh Smith. I might've lied about it all for one good reason: Drama, folks. A good narrative is hard to come by these days. Gems like Grown Ups are one in a million, and Mike Meyers has tragically fallen into the stranglehold of animation. There is a full-on creative drought right now. So I took things into my own hands to create the next great American story for everyone. A story of me losing touch with basketball and falling out of the limelight, only to return as a potential MVP for the 2011 Season! Well guess what? We're deep into Act Two right now.

I dare you to find another player in the league that has as much buzz around him as I do right now. 

You hear that? Crickets.

There's nobody else churning up as much media butter as me right now. I turned on ESPN last night and there I was! I was full-on being talked about. "Mike Bibby this" and "Mike Bibby that". Not only that, but I went to see Life As We Know It by myself last Tuesday, and I've got more scenes than LeBron did in Just Wright (which was none). Josh Duhamel actually says, "Stay on Bibby!" to a TV editor of a Hawks game while holding a baby. Comedy magic. 

Rule of Comedy: Babies. Use 'em.

So what happens next in this true story? Well, because you're my best of fans, I'll leak you a few spoilers. I will continue to put up incredible stats, such as my 1.3 rebounds and .5 steals a night. Then, later this season I will suffer a 'career-ending' injury of some sort - maybe a minor leg contusion that I pretend is a much bigger deal than it actually is - and I will be out for the season. 

Nobody touch me!

All the MVP talk leading up to the injury will be squashed, and people will cry. I'll fall back out of the limelight and become poor, only to find out that I've inherited my father's hotel empire... On the contingency that I complete grades 1-12 all over again! Since I'm not very smart or literate, hi-jinx WILL ensue. I'll fall in love with a teacher, I'll make friends with the students, and a fat bus driver will steal and eat 40 bag lunches. Once I succeed, my father, who will be in jail, will try to convince me to go to a particular college so that he can get a shorter sentence. That will be a really intense point of my life. I'll choose the right college for me and get fast tracked into the NBA, where I'll be the oldest man to ever win Rookie of the Year.

People will go, "Mike Bibby? I remember you from 15 years ago! But what are you doing in the NBA as the Rookie of the Year?" And I'll say something smart, because of all the schooling I will have had. 

Sound amazing? Well guess what? The story has already started. It's happening right now. And some day, you'll turn to your kids and say, "I was there when it happened." You'll see. You think it's impossible for me to keep putting up 13 points a night? Well, guess what? The legacy is upon us.

Bibby Out!