No Regard Presidential Previews: New York Knicks (George W. Bush)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - George W. Bush

When we first came up with the idea to link presidents to teams for our NBA season previews, it didn't take long for a sense of dread to come over me. I was very much looking forward to fleshing this whole thing out, of course, but I also knew that there'd have to be a discussion I very much wished to avoid: that of who to pair with my Knicks.

The idea of W. was not mine, and at first, I fought it hard. I had lots of reasons for why we just couldn't make that comparison. The Knicks are a decent team, and W. was a terrible president (objective journalism!). The Knicks are an historically flashy team in one of the country's most liberal cities; W. was a "good ol' boy" who gave shape to much of the conservative, anti-"urban elitist" rhetoric that has dominated the right over the past four-plus years. The Knicks are an endlessly frustrating, reactionary, often bumbling team owned by a megalomaniac who... shit, wait a second.

I soon realized that there was no escaping this. The emotions that race through my body when I think back to the week after November 2, 2004—sadness, anger, hopelessness—are very similar to the emotions I wake up with every day as a Knicks fan. James Dolan, the team's infamous owner, has a sadistic knack for spitting in the face of logic and evidence and making decisions that should be seen as illegal. To outsiders, Dolan's reign can appear as an exercise in comic incompetence; ha, another dumb decision, silly guy! We on the frontlines of the War Against Happiness know, however, that he is not just a dunce who knocks everything over as he stumbles across the floor. He is a dangerous man who puts politics above the well-being of his subjects and who has the ability to inflict damage that will outlast him. While you could say the same for just about any president, W. lived those principles to the extreme.

So now, here I am, on the wrong side of the second term, wondering how the hell I let this—my Knicks fandom—last this long, how I allowed my life to be dictated by this jerk for the foreseeable future. I made this bed, James Dolan shat in it, and now I have to lie in a bed with a bunch of James Dolan's shit.

What about this year, though? Does it hold promise that things will be easier to get through, that my disappointment will be tempered? It's possible, but I doubt it. The health of Tyson Chandler and Amar'e Stoudemire are both in question, to the extent that Rasheed Wallace has been told to report for duty. Letting Jeremy Lin fly the coop and bringing in Raymond "The Felch" Felton and backup Jason Kidd is not a terrible basketball move, but neither one of those guys will be an X-factor, even if Felton returns to his previous Knicks-era level of production. Our shoot-em-up bench players, Steve Novak and J.R. Smith, will not see as many open looks as last year, both because defenses know not to leave them alone and Felton and Kidd don't have the ability to draw in defenses as well as Lin did.

The two players who, for my money, will decide the fate of the Knicks this year are Iman Shumpert and Carmelo Anthony. When Sophomore Shump returns from injury around January, he will hopefully bring the kind of defensive guard intensity he showed during his freshman campaign, the kind that straight up wins ball games down the stretch. Along with Chandler, he makes the Knicks a team that can score off turnovers, which they'll need to do. (For now, he'll continue harassing Andray Blatche.)

Of course, Carmelo Anthony is the man with the real weight of the world on his shoulders. Melo, as the only completely healthy star on the Knicks November 1 roster, will be the undisputed center of the team's offense, a role he relishes. If he can use the opportunity to become a true leader at both ends of the court, the Knicks could flourish along with him. But he will be working without much help for at least a month, and even though some might say he likes it that way, there's no denying that the Knicks cannot rely on him alone for too extended a period of time. I wish I were more confident that the team would be able to get off to a hot enough start to keep them in the mix into the spring, but I've learned that optimism is toxic for Knicks fans.

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Voltorb

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "[Knicks Suck Pun]!"- New York Post

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Video: Shumpert and Blatche Pushing Fight Caught on Subway!"- WorldStarHipHop

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Sorry James, you can't come in."