No Regard Presidential Previews: Detroit Pistons (Martin Van Buren)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

"As to the presidency, the two happiest days of my life were those of my entrance upon the office and my surrender of it." - Martin Van Buren

It sure is difficult for the No Regard staff to think about the Detroit Pistons these days without being reminded of the fact that their beautiful head coach, Larry Frank, exists. And ever since I discovered (tonight) that a man named Martin Van Buren once existed and also happened to be the eighth President of America, it has become almost equally as traumatic for me to ponder the life of Van Buren without fondly being reminded of the spectacular Frank.

The parallels between Van Buren and Frank are plentiful and striking. Van Buren, the first ever President to be born an American citizen, started his pursuit of politics at the ripe age of 17, attending a party convention in Troy, New York with the hopes of securing a Congressional nomination for John Van Ness. Frank went to Indiana University with the intention of being mentored by legendary coach Bob Knight.

Both were born in New York, the coach in New York City and the President in Kinderhook (about 25 miles south of Albany). Both faced challenges that freaked the hell out of people—for Van Buren it was the financial scare known as the Panic of 1837; for Frank it is the lineup consisting of Jonas Jerebko, Greg Monroe, Tayshaun Prince, Rodney Stuckey and Brandon Knight.

I do not know what the two happiest days of Larry Frank's life are but I can predict: The day he landed the Pistons head coaching job (that or the Nets) and the day he is let go so he can pursue coaching a team with an actual chance to win some NBA games. 

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Butterfree

Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Tayshaun Prince Wants That Rock" 

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Frank Hired To Replace Coach K For Team USA"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "DE-TROIT BASKETBALL! Sorry always wanted to do that... Do you guys still do that?"