NBA Player Placment Services: Kurt Thomas

With the lockout here, and here to stay, we have the sad prospect of no NBA games for quite some time. Instead of dwelling on the politics, finance and bullshit that's all conspired to strip our favorite league from us, we've decided to look on the bright side. New careers for our beloved NBA superstars! And what better place to look for these new ventures than Craigslist, a Website where wacky jobs are numerous and sometimes even real. Since they've already given us so much, we've taken the initiative to try and help these unemployed athletes find a new calling.

Craigslist Posting:
8/15/2011, Throughout Chicagoland, Buffalo Wild Wings Restaurant Managers

"If your a high-energy team player with at least 2 years of restaurant and bar management experience we want to hear from you."

Why He Should Apply:
This one is probably our best suggestion yet. When Scottie Pippen decided he was going transform his post-playing career into that of pitchman and spokesperson for Buffalo Wild Wings, No Regard, was tickled with joy. "It's a great place to watch a game," proclaimed Pippen after announcing his decision. With Pippen heavily in the fold, there's no stopping Thomas from running a successful and profitable Buffalo Wild Wings location throughout the Chicago area.

As for the "high energy-team player" aspect of the job posting, Kurt's resume speaks for itself. He may not have the required, "2 years of restaurant and bar management experience," but we're pretty sure that Kurt would land the interview; contacts are everything in the buffalo wing business.

What He Should Wear to the Interview:

I can't say I know who those other guys are, but I'm loving Kurt's purple shirt and jeans here.

Who'd You Get?!: Mark Price, SkyBox (1994)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.

Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

 Back of the card after the jump.

Regarding This NBA Lockout

I have lived through an NBA lockout, but the the stakes did not seem nearly as high then as they appear to be right now. The consequences of this current mess truly have the potential to change the meaning of the NBA for years to come. During the first lockout, the prospect of superstars gracing the courts of Turkey or China were impossible. The legitimacy of those leagues was so far behind the NBA that for someone like Allen Iverson in 1998 to even mention balling abroad was not just laughable, it was non-existent.

Things are different in the post-modern world of 2011. We live in a global society, a global market and a global sports universe. You want proof?

NBA Middle Names: David Stern

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

David Joel Stern