No Regard Presidential Previews: Utah Jazz (George H. W. Bush)

Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.

"We are not the sum of our possessions." - George H. W. Bush

The Jazz are very promising, but as of three weeks ago, a group of nine NBA fanatics in Brooklyn struggled to name the team’s two starting guards.

“Mo Williams!” someone shouted after 90 seconds. Yes! We were progress embodied! Forward. Another 90 seconds; harder than we expected. We named Jeremy Evans, acknowledged Devin Harris’ departure and joked about John Stockton like a college sophomore at a Skidmore open mic night. Another two minutes and nothing. We moved on. Progress.

Look, I still haven’t looked up who that other starting guard is. I promise this is true. Also true is that while writing this, I’m listening to Drake’s “Miss Me” and Lil Wayne just said “Young Money Jerry Sloan.” *drops mic*

*picks up mic again because you came here to read a preview*

Bush 41 once referred to presidential foresight and overall plan as “the vision thing.” His non-strategy served him well for much of his career, but couldn’t get him a second term. Utah’s rushed plan to trade Deron Williams before he caused a scene and they lost him for nothing worked in the short term. But now they’re left with a thousand bigs (Jefferson, Favors, Kanter, Milsap) and Marvin Williams. If Kevin O'Connor can summon a touch of “the vision thing” and turn one or two of those tall guys into other, more form-fitting pieces, this team will get that second term and become a serious contender. If they don’t, then they might as well start building that presidential library of mediocrity. Which is fine too I guess. Not really going to lose any sleep over this.

Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers

Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Ninetales



Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Is Paul Milsap An All-Star?"

Headline we're most looking forward to: "Jerry Sloan Buys Season Courtside Seats, Heckles"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Ok, dish: What did Deron say to Jerry?"