Oh the season. Oh the season! Election or NBA, both are upon us. We're getting into the spirit by bringing you our season previews (with a little help from the presidents). One per day for the next 30 days—which will bring us to the Day of Reckoning. So please join us on the campaign trail as we shake hands, kiss babies and sink jumpers.
“America's present need is not heroics, but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution, but restoration.” - Warren G. Harding
For the first time in a very long time, the Phoenix Suns will take the basketball court on opening day and arguably the most popular player in their history won't be fulfilling the team's point guard duties. That's right: the once-long-haired, creative, string-pulling passer known for deadly accurate shooting and dribbling the hell out of the basketball is eating brunch with Kobe and Dwight on road trips this season (mostly fruit, no doubt). What to do for a team that has literally and figuratively been built around Nash for almost a decade?
History is confused about how to remember Warren G. Harding. On one hand, some of his ideas were modern and progressive. He felt strongly about embracing minority rights, and was open to new cultures and technologies. Discussions about his legacy get awkward because of all that pesky scandal and corruption. Apparently, it's frowned upon to offer important government jobs to your buddies, especially when they use said jobs for personal gains. Who knew?
These mixed reviews sum up the 2012-2013 Phoenix outfit. With their hero gone, the Suns were forced to try and put together a squad that would not only make them forget that Nash is now playing for a longtime rival, but also compete, at least a little. They did make some, albeit confusing, fan-friendly moves—nabbing, for starters, the always relevant Michael Beasley. Then there is the long-haired, multi-talented Argentinian gentleman, Luis Scola—he's a Sun now, too!
Strange is the return of Steve Nash Lite, Goran Dragic. Dragic, mentored by Nash, has always had his skill set compared to the Canadian's. After playing in Houston the past few seasons, he's back! His pacey ball-handling will be critical in trying to dull the pain left from Steve's absence (or will his game just remind them of what they once had?).
Then, the rabbit hole gets extremely deep when you think about the fact that Jermaine O'Neal and Sebastian Telfair are on the squad. What? As of now, JO is the only center on the roster besides the Polish Hammer and the existence of Bassey Telfair really makes my head spin.
In a post-WWI America, Harding made it his duty to bring a semblance of normalcy back to his country. In a Nashless Phoenix, the Suns are doing their best to do the same. Instead, the roster they scrambled together, simply put, is perplexing. Even the death of Harding is murky. Was he poisoned by his wife, or did he just die of pneumonia? What will come of the new-look Suns, how will their story end?
Rushed Pull-Up Jumpers
Pokemon who the team should adopt as its new mascot: Porygon
Headline we'll be most sick of reading: "Jermaine O'Neal is confused over which leg he injured"
Headline we're most looking forward to: "Nash return to Phoenix highlighted by 55-minute pre-game tribute video"
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?: "Bassey, I loved Through the Fire. Can I have your autograph?"
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