Beauty of the Beas

The movie Gunnin' for that #1 Spot opens with a handicam shot of Michael Beasley doing what he does best: acting like a goofball. The rest of the movie, which follows Beasley and the other competitors in 2006's Elite 24 high schoolers game at Rucker Park in Harlem, contains equal parts that and the thing that Beasley does second best: playing phenomenal basketball.

Unfortunately, in his two years with the Miami Heat, Beasley did not get the opportunity to do either of those things very well. He has been a solid contributor during that time, no doubt about it. But expectations were big when he was taken with the second pick in 2008. He had been dominant in high school (at nearly a dozen different institutions) and in college (at Kansas State). And, above all, he seemed poised for a spectacular NBA career. He was a big forward with crazy athleticism, and he had the personality of a Barkleyesque class clown who also needed to be taken seriously.

Guest Post: LeBron Be Gone, Thy Will Be Strong

This off-season has made everyone more passionate than normal. Casual fans started listening more intently, and die-hard fans started speaking up even more than usual. A long-time friend of No Regard, asking to be known here simply as Mugsy2Manute, is a member of the latter group. He's also been a Knicks fan since birth and sent us this piece not because we asked for it, but because he couldn't keep quiet under these circumstances. Besides, he's a smart NBA fan and sent it in Comic Sans; how could we say no?

Immediately after LeBron made that first consonant "S" sound in the now ubiquitously quoted "I'm taking my talents to South Beach," many a New Yorker could be seen shoulders slumped, mouth agape, eyes confused. Yeah, everyone had been saying Miami. It did begin to feel like the Oscars where everyone knows who's going to win Best Picture (here's an early vote for The Last Airbender). But seriously, how could this have happened? We promised him everything.

If You See Something, Say Something

IYSSSS is our semi-regular internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us atjewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

The Basketball Jones: We like Tyreke Evans. We like him a lot.  Frankly we're not sure if his bling (above) is a prank or a cry for help.  Either way, we're happy to join the speculation surrounding this misguided nick name.

True Hoop: Summer League always ends much faster than we ever expect it to. If you blinked anytime in the past two weeks, you probably missed a major stories from Orlando or Vegas.  Lucky for us, Kevin Arnovitz breaks it all down, giving us the Summer League that was.

FreeDarko:  At their best when attempting to explain what makes a player tick, FreeDarko takes on this year's Draft Bad Boy and Summer League Monster DeMarcus Cousins. 

Dime Mag:  People love lists and analogies, right? And people like baseball? Dime Mag attempts to compare some of our biggest NBA stars with guys who play baseball.  The results are hilarious and often batshit crazy.  Just go see who they think best compares to Derek Fisher.

Truth About It:  If you skipped over the True Hoop link because it involved the words Summer League, and that's not how you roll, check out this one highlight.  Remember the name  JaVale McGee come November, he's likely to make more than a few statement dunks this season.

Basketbawful: We've all seen this video before, but it just doesn't matter.

Team Dreamin' 2011: SPURS

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

Ok, give me some eyes San Antonio, I'm going to lay some truth on you. Nobody likes you. I know, I know Tim Duncan is sweet as pudding and he's never hurt a fly and Tony Parker must be hilarious (I mean, he'd have to be right?), but still, we don't like you. We don't hate you. In fact, we nothing the shit out of you. You're boring. You're as boring as a conversation about Phish live. You're as boring as a marathon of student films. You're as boring as sex with a hipster. You defend well, you do all of the things commentators say you should do, you have a delightfully angry/yelly coach, your team does things in the post-season that it doesn't know how to spell in season games...oh, and also you're boring.

I mean Christ on toast, your star player's nickname is The Big Fundamental. Are you serious? This is the NBA. Here are a few acceptable nick names: Agent Zero, The Black Mamba, The Glide, The Doctor. Acceptable nick names for the Springfield Rotarian Society's Badmitten and Bake-Off Retreat? You guessed it.

But don't fret, all is not lost. I have three suggestions to shape up this franchise. 

Second Round Picks: Lance Stephenson

Some of the League’s best were first found in the bargain bin. Just look at Rodman, Rashard, and Gil. There’s pride in the Second Round. Let’s give these guys their due.

Lance Stephenson

Team: Indiana Pacers

Height: 6’5”

Weight: 210 lbs.

Position: PG/SG,

Age: 19

Before we talk, I have something to show you. Consider it summer reading, a prerequisite to any discussion regarding Lance “Born Ready” Stephenson. It involves a possum.

Born Ready TV, Lance Stephenson, Episode 5

Born Ready TV | MySpace Video

I want to confirm that you did in fact just watch the father of the NBA’s 40th overall pick evict a possum from the family trashcan.

Team Dreamin' 2011: THUNDER

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.

The Thunder found near-immediate success settling into Oklahoma City; that which can't be credited directly to Kevin Durant's instant superstardom certainly goes to a young bench teeming with raw talent.

Watching a Thunder game this season guarantees three things:

1) KD and Russell Westbrook continuing to blossom before your eyes.

2) A host of rising stars jockeying to position themselves around Kid Delish and Jet Zero.

3) A gargantuan and vacuous black hole at the 5-spot, a position the front office seems intent to never actually fill.

The Thunder need more guards like Peyton Manning needs another endorsement deal. Ignoring the need for big men troubled them all season. Surrendering the paint buried them in the playoffs. Do we have ideas for them? Of course we do.

Consider the above photo. Pick out who is the most bored and who is the craftiest guy there. Easy, right? Bored goes to Nick Collison (Lower Left, Napping). Craftiest goes to James Harden (Top Back Right, Suit).

James, Nick, can you guys come over here for a second? Hey fellas, have you ever seen Freak the Mighty?

Perfect. Here’s what we’re gonna do…

NBA Happy Hour: Summer League Sunset

TGIF basketball fans! It's the end of the week, so that means NBA Happy Hour! Grab a beer, follow the rules and start the weekend with a Don Nelson-level buzz.

This weekend marks the end of the NBA Summer League, which has been somewhat overshadowed by bigger news events of the past month. If you have NBA TV, $14.95, or access to illegal sports streaming sites, though, you're likely privy to some of the wonderful things that have been happening in first Orlando and now Las Vegas. But if you've been in the dark, worry not! It's never too late to tune in and get your drink on to the sight of a bunch of babies playing basketball. Here are the rules for this Summer League Weekend-Long Happy Hour:

Top 5 Player Tweets of the Week - In Pictures!

From Skillanueva's half-time tweets to Gil's fateful outburst, we're keeping tabs on this whole Twitter thing. Each week we wade through the rants, shout outs and sheer insanity to bring you the best micro-blogging the NBA has to offer.

5. "Damn my grandma text my brother and told him to hit me and tell me she want a lambo...she must be high...how much a lambo cost?"

- Kevin Durant

4. "Yep its official gonna retire a celtic"

- Paul Pierce