Event Horizon: Clippers

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities. Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

Immediate Impact: A horrible, career-threatening injury. There is no way this scenario would go well, which is why it has been laughable that the Clippers were ever mentioned in the first place.

Event Horizon: Nets

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world's time to tell us where he's going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it's hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possiblilities. Check back as Bron's 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions...

Immediate Impact: Bron throws up the Roc. Newark mayor Cory Booker gleefully screams, "This is Newark, New Jersey!" then delivers an impromptu speech to his staffers that rivals Obama in his heyday. Prokhorov keeps smiling. Devin Harris keeps playing Call of Duty 3 on his PS3. As for the actual season?

Event Horizon: Bulls

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities. Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

Immediate Impact: A race begins to give Chicago’s United Center a shit-eating new nickname. ‘The Slaughterhouse’ narrowly beats out ‘Q-nighted Center’ and overnight Chicago is once again the envy and nightmare of the league. Teaming up with Derrick Rose, Carlos Boozer, and Joakim Noah, LeBron takes the Vader mantle from Jordan and we see his heart begin to blacken.

Event Horizon: Knicks

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities. Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

Immediate Impact: Best case: Championship run. Worst case: Out in the second round.  The difference between these two options depends, in my opinion, on three things: 1. Amar'e being willing to step it up a bit on defense. No matter how many points they score, they're in a league with many people who are also very good at scoring. Must stop them. 2. The point guard situation. Ridnour won't cut it. Felton might. Parker definitely would. 3. LeBron's ability to not only bring the best out of his teammates, but to get them to make him look better when he's off. It's why Kobe has rings. His teammates can step it up even when he's cold.

Event Horizon: Cavs

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities. Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

Immediate Impact: The so-called respectable choice for a player who clearly values his roots and his fans. If our hometown hero does indeed indulge the good people of Cleveland and returns to ticker-tape fanfare, we fear he may find himself at training camp in a few weeks, wondering whether he is in good company.

Event Horizon: Heat

This evening, LeBron James is slated to take up an hour of the world’s time to tell us where he’s going to be rapping and sleeping for the next couple of years. This gesture has so far been called vacuous, despicable, ego-maniacal and poisonous to sports. At No Regard, we think it’s hilarious and have imagined some of our favorite possibilities. Check back as Bron’s 9 PM deadline approaches for more predictions…

Immediate Impact: Upon hearing the King’s decision Pat Riley seeks out current Heat coach, Erik “insert random 8^th grade boy’s last name here,” and does something terrible to him. Possibly removes his soul to ensure that he’s no longer capable of coaching. Riley names himself head coach. Bosh tweets. Jermaine O’Neal starts practicing his, “did you see when I cold-cocked that Detroit fan” story for LeBron. A few No Regard staffers and every hot dog vendor in NYC contemplate suicide.

Bibby's World: Breaking News!!!

Don't know how we locked this down, but we'd like to introduce you to No Regard's newest blogging sensation... Mike Bibby! He'll be checking in whenever he can, just to remind us: It's Bibby's World, we just live in it!

Hey all--

So I know there's been a lot of buzz this week about a whole bunch of stuff, and I promise you I will get to all of it in due time. But before I go yabbering (sp?) off about the hot topics, I would like to congratulate the sandwich makers at Wichcraft on successfully surprising the heck out of me. Who would've thought a company with such a gimmicky name could make such a devilishly good 'wich (see, they've got me doing it too!)?

Okay, now for what everyone is waiting for...

Free Asiancy

Yao Ming is alive, running, and still really, really, ridiculously, super-humanly tall. Those are full grown adult females of the same species (Homo sapiens) that he is running towards (and, as I like to imagine it, about to engulf in a Katamari-like fashion as he grows even larger and larger until he can eventually roll up trees, cars, small nations, etc.).

Aside from my obsession with Katamari Damacy, this photograph brings a few other things to mind:
1. Yao Ming might be paler than I am.
2. Do people in China wear any other colors aside from red, white and black?
3. What the hell has Yao been up to this past year?

Since there could be some debate over the answers to questions one and two, I'm just going to go ahead and address the last question in this post.