Team Dreamin' 2011: SUNS

At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.


Suns, we love you.

But who are you? You let all your children run away. And you had so many good children. Why did you pack their bags for them? With the amiable departure of Elijah and Leandro Barbosa this summer, Steve Nash is the only member left from the original Seven Seconds or Less squad. Your team's identity is being questioned, and if we've learned anything from "The Simpsons" (and we've learned so much from "The Simpsons"), we've learned that you need a soul to write your name in the condensation of ice cream freezers and history books. Look: I like off-season acquisitions Josh Childress, Hakim Warrick, and Hedo as much as the next blogger (I probably like Hedo more than most), but these three disparate role players will not pack a singular personality in the toiletry bags they bring to Phoenix; they will pack odd sizes for their positions and a touch more talent than you thought they had. But nothing more.

Suns, we mourn you.

But we've hatched a plan for you. We promise it will get people excited about your team again, let them know who you are, and in the process show you who you are.

Steve Nash should retire from the NBA. Wait for it...

And join the New York Red Bulls. But definitely leave the Suns first. He should announce his plans to leave the NBA for the MLS this Friday. He'll be ready to suit up for the Red Bulls game on August 8 against... Toronto FC. Perfect. Then his second game is August 14 against the LA Galaxy... and Landon Donovan. C'mon. In less than a week Nash will have done more for soccer's popularity in the United States than Alexi Lalas or anyone else ever has. Relax, we'll get to why this is good for the Suns in a moment.

But first the plausibility: This is perhaps our most doable Team Dreamin' idea yet. Nash spends his summers in NYC, is an incredibly skilled soccer player who has trained with the Red Bulls several times now, and is honest friends with new Red Bull Thierry Henry.

But let's hear a real soccer player, our own PeteB, give his take on Nash's skill set and how it would fit with the Red Bulls:

"I haven't witnessed Nash on the pitch in person, but the videos are more than impressive. From what I've seen, he's got a scary step-over and it is clear that his unique passing ability and vision on the basketball court translate smoothly to the soccer field. He'd be perfect in the center of the midfield for the Red Bulls, especially going forward. He's got the pace and skill to be dangerous on the dribble, and the smarts and creativity to be a distinguished distributor. Not to mention he's a proven leader, competitor, and world-class athlete. Henry does not need great service to score goals on the MLS level, but I'm sure he would love having a great friend of his send him beautiful through balls all summer long in Harrison, NJ."

So, Nash spends the summer months carrying the MLS on his back, like he's done to so many variations of the Suns in years past. But this is different, this is vacation to him. (And this will be important when we bring this all back to the Suns; we're an NBA Website, remember.) August, September, October. The Red Bulls wrap up their season at home against the New England Revolution on October 21. By then, they'll be primed for a high playoff seed and serious championship run. Oh, and it's also only a week and a half out from the start of the NBA season.

Rumors will start to flutter around about Nash's possible return to the League, but nothing is made official. Nash remains a Red Bull for their playoff run. The Suns struggle in the first few games. In their first ESPN game, we see a ragged Alvin Gentry give an inspired version of the classic half-time movie speech, because let's face it, things are looking bleak for the protagonists: "Look guys, we had a tough off-season. We lost some good guys. But you know what? No one pities you. The people of Phoenix that paid hard-earned money to come see you play don't pity you. The media doesn't pity you. Hell, I don't pity you! Forget who used to be on this team and go out there and compete! Guys, Amar'e Stoudemire is not walking through that door. Leandro Barbosa is not walking through that door! STEVE NASH is not walking through that door!"

"Actually coach..." Nash walks in. "I got the clearance to play." He's holding nondescript, but official-looking papers to prove as much.

Boom. We have the two-sport athlete of the Internet Age. Back to PeteB:

"As a young 10-year-old watching sports, there was nothing cooler than seeing Deion Sanders play both football and baseball. At the time, I didn't realize how amazing these rare, rare athletes actually are. I really wish I was old enough to witness Bo Jackson dominate pigskin and America's pastime, but I can't complain after having the privilege of watching Primetime return punts and steal bases all in the same year. Two sports, one man, are you kidding?! Sadly there hasn't been an athlete bold enough to follow in the footsteps of these two true American heroes in some time now. Steve Nash is undoubtedly the perfect candidate to grace two sports with his presence."

The Suns would ride the excitement from the comeback and Nash's renewed vigor all the way to a division title and strong playoff run. They'll get eliminated by the Lakers again (they'll get eliminated by the Lakers until infinity), but, damn, what a ride.

Think about it.

Suns, we trust you.