Sneakalicious: The Ugliest Shoes in the World

For this next installment of Sneakalicious, I could talk about the new Nike Festival Collection, Air Jordan Team USA, the Melo M-6, or the Air Jordan/Skull Candy "For the Love of the Game" colab, all in honor of the World Basketball Festival being held right here in New York in a few days.  But instead I'm going to talk about this:

Because these imitation Nike stilettos (found by Sneaker Freaker, sold by MadeinChina.com) are beyond offensive.

Now I've seen some ugly-ass shoes in my day, but these are by far the worst.  It looks like a NASCAR car threw up on a pair of hooker boots. Twice. (Twice? Two times.) 

But don't worry, if you love the style, but can't handle the colors, maybe this nice subduded black and white colorway is for you:

Just look at the spiral on the heel.  So classy.  Totally compliments all the other pieces of what I'm assuming is vinyl, not leather, slapped on all over the place to really complete the trailer trash dominatrix look.

Now granted, these were not made by Nike, but they do epitomize the problem I have with sneakers.  More specifically, the problem that I have with sneakers that are available for all the other girls in the world who love sneakers as much as I love sneakers.  I want the exact same kicks that are available for men, just in a size that will fit my average female-sized foot.  What I definitely, definitely do not want are the same sneakers for men turned into a high heeled abomination.  Or the same sneakers in a washed out pastel or bright pink colorway.  I don't even mind having to wear a boy's sized shoe if it fits, but what I never want to see again is this:

Because this is way more offensive than balls in your face.