Sneakalicious: The Ugliest Shoes in the World

For this next installment of Sneakalicious, I could talk about the new Nike Festival Collection, Air Jordan Team USA, the Melo M-6, or the Air Jordan/Skull Candy "For the Love of the Game" colab, all in honor of the World Basketball Festival being held right here in New York in a few days.  But instead I'm going to talk about this:

Because these imitation Nike stilettos (found by Sneaker Freaker, sold by MadeinChina.com) are beyond offensive.

Sneakalicious: Jordan on My Mind

I love sneakers. Love, love, love them. If we were still five years old and you asked me if my sneakers were a man, would I marry them? My answer, unequivocally, would be yes.

But since we are no longer five years old and I can't (at least not in the state of New York anyway) marry my sneakers, I'm just going to have to settle for swooning over new releases and slowly adding to my collection. Which brings us now to Sneaker Freaker's sneak peek of the new Air Jordan collection for Nike, due to release later this month. Some of these sneakers I wouldn't even let buy me a drink, but then there are others that, as Tracy Jordan would say, I'd let take me behind the middle school and get me pregnant.

Case in point:

Look at these shoes. Just look at them. Such a solid throwback. These shoes make me want to be like Mike. In fact, if I were to wear these shoes, I know I could be like Mike. I don't care if I'm only 5'4" and wear a size 6.5 youth shoe, I'm fairly confident I could land a dunk from the foul line with these sneakers on my feet. No problem.

If You See Something, Say Something

[Photo by Josh Cruey]

IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

Orlando Sentinel Blog [via @jeskeets]: Oh, that picture up there? It's Dwight Howard at the grand opening of Universal Studios' Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Why do you ask?

Slam Online: As long as Slam keeps posting videos of NBA players on stage at hip-hop shows, so will we. "If you like that defense make some noooiissseee!"

Bullets Forever [via Ball Don't Lie]: The slogan for John Wall's first Reebok shoe is "The energy drink for your feet." Exclamation point and question mark!? Because even though that doesn't mean anything, it's kind of perfect. And the sneakers themselves are like a glow-in-the-dark (honestly) throwback to the mid-'90s classic Shaqnosis shoes. Between these and KD's new Zooms, the current NBA sneaker landscape is strong. Your move Wesley Johnson.

Ball Don't Lie: Great piece by Trey Kerby that sums up the current free agent atmosphere almost as well as our own Endless Pat.

Yahoo! Sports: So not only did Kobe's otherworldly drive rub off on teammates like Dwyane Wade and LeBron James at the 2008 Olympics, but on a 21-year-old Lionel Messi as well. This should be Kobe's retirement plan: Become some sort of nomadic, mystical motivational speaker who jets around the world, pushing superstars to become legends.