Sneakalicious: The Ugliest Shoes in the World

For this next installment of Sneakalicious, I could talk about the new Nike Festival Collection, Air Jordan Team USA, the Melo M-6, or the Air Jordan/Skull Candy "For the Love of the Game" colab, all in honor of the World Basketball Festival being held right here in New York in a few days.  But instead I'm going to talk about this:

Because these imitation Nike stilettos (found by Sneaker Freaker, sold by MadeinChina.com) are beyond offensive.

Sneakalicious: Jordan on My Mind

I love sneakers. Love, love, love them. If we were still five years old and you asked me if my sneakers were a man, would I marry them? My answer, unequivocally, would be yes.

But since we are no longer five years old and I can't (at least not in the state of New York anyway) marry my sneakers, I'm just going to have to settle for swooning over new releases and slowly adding to my collection. Which brings us now to Sneaker Freaker's sneak peek of the new Air Jordan collection for Nike, due to release later this month. Some of these sneakers I wouldn't even let buy me a drink, but then there are others that, as Tracy Jordan would say, I'd let take me behind the middle school and get me pregnant.

Case in point:

Look at these shoes. Just look at them. Such a solid throwback. These shoes make me want to be like Mike. In fact, if I were to wear these shoes, I know I could be like Mike. I don't care if I'm only 5'4" and wear a size 6.5 youth shoe, I'm fairly confident I could land a dunk from the foul line with these sneakers on my feet. No problem.