Sometimes Picking The Right Guy To Root For Is Easy

Nobody Knew That They Were All Dead

Once again, the Miami Heatles, led by their three best players, took over the fourth quarter of a game that was close throughout to put a stranglehold on the Eastern conference finals. There are a few different angles worth analyzing when discussing last night's game.

If This Is What The Rapture Looks Like...

... then I don't think there's much to worry about.

Sick LeBron, Aching for a Statue, and McHale vs. the Frank

The Miami Heat evened the Eastern Conference finals on Wednesday night with stifling defense and another impressive fourth quarter performance from LeBron James. With the series knotted at one game a piece headed back to South Beach, here's what we gathered from game two:

NBA Middle Names: Udonis Haslem

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

Udonis Johneal Haslem

Slippery-Dirk, the Backpack, and the Future of the Cavs

When it rains, it pours. And sometimes it even monsoons. Particularly when Dirk Nowitzki is being single-covered for an entire playoff game. The seven-foot German sharpshooter had his way with the Thunder last night, paying no mind to the likes of Serge Ibaka, Kevin Durant or whoever else was unlucky enough to be covering the Maverick power-forward. Coach Brooks made his strategy clear: He's okay with Dirk getting his, but refuses to allow the Dallas supporting cast to be left open. After Dirk's perfect showing from the stripe and nearly perfect mid-range performance, the OKC strategist may want to go back to the drawing board.

We have seen magical Dirk in years past, and if it weren't for a corrupt dirt-bag of an official there's a good chance he'd have a championship ring wrapped around his finger. We shouldn't be surprised after watching him dismantle Tim Duncan and company back in '06, scoring 37 in a decisive game seven in San Antonio on 15-16 from the line and 11-20 from the field. Or how about during the same playoffs where his cool 50 points gave Dallas a 3-2 lead over Phoenix in the Western finals? No, this is nothing new for Dirk.

So why is it then, that the Thunder refused to double him last night? Shouldn't they at least attempt to get the rock out of his hands, forcing the likes of Jason Kidd (once known as "Ason" Kidd because he had no J) and Jet Terry, who is impressive but not even close to Dirk's level, beat them? There's an argument to be made about letting a superstar get his points while containing his teammates, but in the case of a guy who refuses to miss, it simply will not work.

More importantly, Durant's backpack is great addition to the legend that is KD.

Also, Kyrie Irving, Kemba Walker and JJ Hickson: Ladies and gentlemen meet your 2011-2012 Cleveland Cavaliers! Lebron who?

Countin' Those Chickens

The Miami Heat are now twice guilty of celebrating a championship victory before actually winning one. We all remember the silly-ass event in which the newly constructed Big 3 paraded around smoke machines, fist-pumped like buffons and declared they were going to win "not four, not five..." And after besting Boston, "the three best friends that anyone could have" went bonkers, comporting themselves as if they had just vidicated their actions during the summer. King James even apologized to Cleveland for how he left Cleveland. Bold move for a guy that hadn't even gotten through the East, let alone the Western Champs.

Well, they got a rude awakening Sunday night as Derrick Rose all but stated, "Did you forget that we already made you cry once this season?" Most satisfying for the Heat-haters in this world were certainly Taj Gibson's posterization of Wade and Noah's sickly block on Miami's two-guard. Flash should feel thoroughly embarrassed after these two plays.

Of course, this is only game one. No doubt, the Heatles can come back and win this series. But if they don't, it must be stated that celebrating like a crazy person should be reserved for when a team actually wins a title. Not after a few contracts have been inked or a second round matchup has been won over a team whose most pivotal player is competing with one arm.

Clowns.

Robert "Tractor" Traylor: 1977-2011

Today we lost one of the greatest nicknames in all of sports. Read Eamonn Brennan's warm piece over at ESPN to see what else was lost. Then check out what YouTube has in their library and marvel at what the man was capable of.