At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em. In this particular instance... Mike Bibby will be sharing his ideas for making the Atlanta Hawks the perfect team going into the 2011 season.
Alright, let's talk. Atlanta Hawks 2011. Eastern Conference Champions. Finals Champions. Rings all around.
You've got the questions; I've got the answers.
How are we going to pull it off? With one simple motto:
DO NOT LET ME PLAY.
Don't laugh. I'm being completely serious. Remember a couple weeks ago, when I was all like, "I'm going to train and practice and become INCREDIBLE?" Yeah... none of that happened. Two hours after writing my inspirational post, I was back in my living room, eating Cheez Doodles out of a sombrero my son was wearing. Needless to say, I am FAT.
A couple days ago, Josh Smith came over to play a pickup game, and we ended up playing nothing instead. Then we started arguing over who weighed more. It turned into a bet: Whoever weighs less has to pay the fatter guy a hundred bucks. Needless to say, I spent Josh's hundred bucks on a garbage bag full of Slim Jims.
Anyway, back to my point. What was my point? Sorry, I got distracted by a piece of chocolate on my desk that I just realized was actually just a chunk of brown crayon. It was disgusting. My point? That's right, winning the championship for the Atlanta Hawks. Yeah... I really should sit this season out. I've already been talking to the new coach about bringing my couch from home onto the sidelines. Once that happens, I want people to start referring to me during games as 'on The Couch' instead of 'on The Bench', because there is an implication with someone on 'The Bench' that he will actually play at some point; whereas, anyone on 'The Couch' has no business playing a single minute... at all.
If we do these things, we will win. I guarantee it. The Hawks have some serious talent, and all we need to do to get the pieces to fit together is get rid of the fattest piece. Think of it this way: The Hawks are a bunch of Legos, and I am a giant steel plate from an Erector Set... It's never gonna happen for us If I'm there. But don't, for a second, think that this means I'm not interested in the game anymore. I've never been more invested in this team than I am right now. Hear me now... This coming season, I will treat each and every Hawks game like a true American: I'll watch them from my couch.
Bibby Out!
Good looks on the garbage bag of slim jim's, Mike.
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