Tuesday night in Brooklyn, I could hear the distant groans of at least six other writers from this blog. Being a Knicks fan, I had nothing at stake in the draft lottery. But for most of my compatriots here, that evening's festivities must have held a certain amount of nervous optimism.
So what went wrong? Well, the problem here is this: the only thing that went wrong is shitty luck and unfriendly gravity. And whereas one might think a practice that relies solely on chance would inherently be filled with suspense, the lottery, even for those with something at stake, always feels so underwhelming.
Please don't get me wrong. I love the NBA Draft. In fact, it might be my favorite night of sports programming of the whole year. Therefore, I should love the lottery for its role as a lead-in, no? Maybe in some years. But sure as shit not in a year when the 1-2-3 order is insanely predictable and the rest of the draft is occupied by even more no-names than any year I can remember.
That said, there are a few things that could really enliven draft night, besides drinking boilermakers all night with my fellow No Regarders:
-The Wizards or Sixers dropping jaws by selecting Derrick Favors. There is about a 1% chance that this will happen, as John Wall and Evan Turner are pretty much already looking for homes in the Washington DC and Philadelphia metro areas. But honestly, I don't see either one of them making as much of an impact in the East as Favors. Dude has got that kind of rawness and born-for-the-league athleticism that could make a team a contender now. Or he's a bust with a huge injury risk. How should I know? I am not Zoltar.
-Stanley Robinson falling to the Knicks in the second round. He can jump out the gym, and I think he's one of the more physically mature guys in the whole draft. Plus, with a nickname like "Sticks", I get the feeling he and Wilson Chandler might have some things in common.
-Tiny Gallon's name being repeated as often as possible and inspiring a conversation on the relationship between hyperbole and irony.
Adam, why do you know things about draft prospects not named Wall, Turner, Cousins, Favors or Johnson? It's weirding me out. And No Regard is going to the draft.
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