We here at No Regard love our stories. And the playoffs are where each narrative strand that was teased in the regular season is shredded or affirmed. So, here are the second round series as we see them. Some of them are late; so was Kanye's second album, and you used to love his blog. Thank you.
Alright, so Pau Gasol is a superstar. Applaud my lethargic realization if you must, but it is finally unanimously true. No longer is he Diet Dirk, nor Kobe's Snuggly Tauntaun. He is Pau, strange man from a foreign land, 29 years old and incapable of shaving, yet still the real deal, the funk and the noise if you will. Trust me, I hate it. I hate it more than mayonnaise, and I hate mayonnaise, Oz. I wish Pau would just go to hell. Or Spain. Or Memphis. Or really anywhere that would let him work to make a good team great, and not a great team unstoppable. Alas, he lays his head in the City of Angels and plays world class basketball with world class people.
Pau is far from the first of his kind. Phil Jackson finds a poster boy every few years, a young buck plucked from obscurity to help add hardware to his collection and depth to his pool of money. If we're going to make a comparison... SPIEEEEEELBERRRRRRG.
Now if you're trying to figure out how Pau is Tom Hanks, stop. I love Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks makes movie tickets worth money. Pau's basketball style is like watching someone euthanize puppies. As I said before, I want Pau to go to hell. (Perhaps hell is extreme. I would settle for convincing his fame, talent, and good fortune to stop drinking, sit down, and quit blocking my view of the rest of the league.)
As the Lakers go through the motions of beating the Jazz, as I watch four tedious games, I can only ask: Why is this the lopsided matchup we've been left with? How are the Jazz ever supposed to pretend that they will stop Pau without Memo? What is Carlos Boozer supposed to do? Should he block Pau's fadeaway like Customs denied Viktor Navorski's passport? SPOILER ALERT: That didn't work. (Although Stanley Tucci is always fun to watch.)
If you have yet to catch on, The Terminal bored the shit out of me. How was this infinite pool of talent poured into such a shallow well? Why was that the story we were watching? No way this makes for an interesting series. Wake me up when it's over.
Defining Quote:
"Buddy, I think you been spending too much time inhaling them cleaning products."
Lakers in 4.
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