Mixtape for LeBron

Our relationship with LeBron is reaching Inception-sized levels of confusion. He was so good and kind to us for so long; he made us happy. But this summer we realized he was more Zooey Deschanel than Meg Ryan, more manic pixie dream girl than stable and perfect object of affection. Or maybe he's most like Sarah Marshall.

See? He's got us all mixed up. Regardless, during "The Decision" and its aftermath, we finally realized we were in a destructive relationship. All the things he did that made us happy? He did them for himself, not us. We should have figured this all out long ago, but any time the thought trickled in, he swooned us with another new handshake or giggle-inducing look-away pass. "See?! He's a great teammate! He cares!" We know he's bad for us, but we just can't shake him. Reminders of the good times are everywhere... Jesus, we named our site after one of his grandest highlights.

So, as any heartbroken young adult is taught to do by John Cusack, we've made a mixtape for you, LeBron. Listen to the entire thing. Some is vicious, we admit; we want you to know you hurt us. But pay attention, because we have room for forgiveness and we want some form of success for you. We're compassionate. But we'll never go steady again.

1. Cee-Lo, "Fuck You"

"And I'm like, fuck you."

2. Arcade Fire, "City With No Children"
"A garden left for ruin by a millionaire inside of a private prison. You never trust a millionaire quoting the Sermon on the Mount."

3. The White Stripes, "The Big Three Killed My Baby"

"Their ideas make me want to spit."

4. Charlotte Gainsbourg, "Greenwich Mean Time"
"Crooked man down a crooked mile, crooked backbone, crossed out smile."

5. Leonard Cohen, "The Old Revolution"

"I fought in the old revolution, on the side of the ghost and the King. Of course I was very young, and I thought that we were winning; I can't pretend I still feel very much like singing as they carry the bodies away."

6. Wire, "Champs"

"Less time than before, more speed than before. You're rich not poor, what are you doing it for?"

7. Panda Bear, "Comfy in Nautica"

"Try and have a softer inside, shut up boy and be a soldier. Coolness is having courage, the courage to do what's right. Try to remember always, just to have a good time. Winning is what you want to, winning but you're scared to go forth. Try to remember always, always to have a good time."

8. The National, "Fake Empire"
"Turn the light out, say goodnight, no thinking for a little while. Let's not try to figure out everything at once. It's hard to keep track of you falling through the sky."

9. My Morning Jacket, "Evil Urges"

"Evil urges, baby, they're part of the human way. It ain't evil, baby, if ya ain't hurting anybody."

10. Silver Jews, "Advice To The Graduate"
"So you've got no friends and you wander through the night. And now you watch the sunrise through a rifle sight. Well don't believe in people who say it's all been done, they have time to talk because their race is run."

11. M Ward, "Requiem"

"His heart was stronger than a heavy metal bullet, and that's why I dedicate this song. He was a good man, and now he's gone."