Fantastic Follies: Fantasy Picks For Today

We brought in a ringer for our Playoff coverage. He's a new writer that you'll be seeing more of around here. He calls himself The Crow and has been obsessed with predicting sports outcomes since middle school. If you're betting, take his advice. If he asks you to join his fantasy league, don't—you won't have a chance.


I come to you today with rosy cheeks and goose-bumped wings. The bio given to me by the sound minds at No Regard not only made me blush, but also inspired me to bring you another piece, this time from my wheelhouse: fantasy hoops. Below, please find my fantasy stud from each game today.

Playoff Predictions: Western Conference!

We brought in a ringer for our Playoff previews. He's a new writer that you'll be seeing more of around here. He calls himself The Crow and has been obsessed with predicting sports outcomes since middle school. If you're betting, take his advice. If he asks you to join his fantasy league, don't—you won't have a chance.

Playoff Predictions: Eastern Conference!

We brought in a ringer for our Playoff previews. He's a new writer that you'll be seeing more of around here. He calls himself The Crow and has been obsessed with predicting sports outcomes since middle school. If you're betting, take his advice. If he asks you to join his fantasy league, don't—you won't have a chance.

No Depression in Heaven

Professional basketball in New Jersey ended with an all too-fitting punctuation mark: A limp, ill-advised Johan Petro 20-footer. He didn’t make it. Then there was the odd coda in Toronto that was more a masochistic performance art piece than basketball game, but actually also ended with Johan Petro. This time he made the 20-footer.

And before family members even got a chance to identify the body, the thing I love has been scrubbed and bleached, the parts reapportioned and shipped to Brooklyn. I am a lifelong Nets fan and NJ resident, so I am sad. But Brooklyn seems like a very good place for professional basketball, so I’m also excited. But it’s like, why couldn’t New Jersey have been a better place for professional basketball? But Brooklyn’s not that far away and I have a lot of good friends who live there. But why does New York get to have another thing that’s good? I don’t know. Emotions are complicated, you know?

Complicating my feelings even further is the fact that the New Jersey Nets have kind of been one of the most important things in my life. Oops.

All Teams Everything

My girlfriend recently finished her second year of medical school. She's the smartest person I know. So it came as no surprise today when I discovered that she's stellar at seamlessly fitting all 30 NBA team names into a 450-word email in response to something I asked her about dinner. Seriously, her work here is unmatched. Also, you may be wondering why she chose to ride with the Supersonics here instead of the Thunder. Nostalgia? An ill subliminal aimed at Clay Bennett? Because she used this website to make sure she included every name? The third one. It's the third one. Shout out to mergetek.com, everyone's favorite e-destination! Oh, also, she's been studying for her board exam for like 11 hours a day for the past few weeks and is a crazy person now. Anyway, please enjoy this very good email!

No Regard Previews: Blood, Sweat, and John Wall

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Phoenix Suns vs. San Antonio Spurs

With two games left on their schedule, the Spurs can still nab the best record in the NBA. No small feat for a team that many of us seem to forget exists on an almost daily basis. Then we remember that they still sport lifetime Spur Timmy Duncan, who continues to do what he does: back-board an orange ball into a hoop and occasionally get asked to fight with NBA official during a game. We remember that despite his injuries this season, Manu is still a crazy-athletic Argentinian dude who can Euro-step to the moon if he so pleases. We remember that while Tony Parker may or may not be sleeping with a teammate's wife, he's having quite possibly his best season yet and almost certainly is an MVP candidate. And finally, we remember that behind it all is a mastermind, Coach Pop, who not only has been able to quietly keep together one of the most consistently successful teams of all time, but also one day did this. He'll forever remain a favorite in our hearts as a result. 

As for Phoenix, after being eliminated from playoff contention last night, we face what might very well be the last Suns vs. Spurs game featuring Steve Nash in an orange Suns tank top. While the contest is ultimately meaningless for the Suns, perhaps recalling the blood gushing out of their captain's nose as a result of Tony Parker's big dome will provide motivation. If this is indeed the last time we are witness to this rivalry, let's hope that we get an effort that reminds us how hard these teams played against each other over the years.

One Game We Definitely Won't Watch Tonight: Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Washington Wizards

If you think that for one second the only reason we are previewing this game is so that I could have an excuse to put up a picture of John Wall in a Red Bulls shirt, then you are way off. That is crazy talk. 

We are just really intrigued to see if the Wizards can continue the impressive form they have been in as of late...

No Regard Previews: Wrecking Ball

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: New Jersey Nets vs. Philadelphia 76ers

So long.

One Game We Won't Watch Tonight: I Don't Know, I Miss The Nets

No Regard Recaps: Heads Up, Heads Off

One Game We Watched Last Night: Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls

Heat: 83 Bulls: 72

If Wade's elbow to the gut of Rip Hamilton didn't qualify Miami's desire to win a championship this season, then LBJ's bone-crunching, bicep-led pick certainly must have.

For the second time this calendar year, LeBron showcased just how much of an aberration he is when it comes to athleticism and the human race. And for the second time this season, John Lucas III was the subject of humiliation as a result. We all remember LeBron leap-frogging over an oblivious JL Three.

 

But after last night's game, watching that same man crumble to the floor, attempt to get up only to crash back down, and then sprint after James, I am convinced that this was the more satisfying and important LeBron moment. 

Sure, the dunk induced a serious spell of the giggles when I first witnessed the feat, but it was far from the first time LeBron James has walked on the moon. This was different: This was King James sending a message—legally, mind you—that he's the biggest, baddest, and most imposing basketball player in the world. He can out-pace and out-finesse opponents if he so pleases, but he's also got enough size to bring pain to whomever he pleases, whenever he pleases. 

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Detriot Pistons

Wolves: 91, Pistons: 80

JJ Barea netted 13 in the victory for the Wolves. Ricky Rubio did not play.

NBA Middle Names: Paul Silas

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

Paul Theron Silas

No Regard Previews: Calm Go The Wild Seas

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Chicago Bulls vs. Miami Heat


While Dwyane Wade is doing his best John Kerry impersonation regarding if ballers should get paid to represent their countries in the Olympics, the Bulls and the Heatles prepare for a Titantic clash between two Eastern Conference favorites.

With the Heat trailing the Bulls by three games, the result of tonight's game should have serious implications on which side ultimately nabs the top seed. With Derrick Rose still hobbled and more than likely to continue his stint wearing a suit on the sideline, the Bulls will continue to look for Hot Deng, who has been hotter than hot all season long, for offensive production. They'll also need contributions from Carlos "I spray-paint my head," Boozer and Rip Hamilton.

As for the Heatles, recently transformed starter Ronny Turiaf will play a crucial role in Miami's pursuit to slow Chicago's superior rebounding. I was tickled to find out he was on the squad the other night. The Frenchman really rounds out the supporting cast of characters that make up this Heat roster. It includes some classic NBA employees and No Regard all-time faves: the ever-endearing Super Nintendo Chalmers, Shane "Clean-cut" Battier, Coach Erik and Chris Bosh. (If you only click one link today, please, please, please make it the Bosh one.) Pat Riley really has brought together a wonky group. Well done, Pat Riley.

As always, the key to stopping Miami is slowing down their transition game, controlling the clock and forcing LeBron and Wade into half court sets—which they still haven't seemed to figure out after almost two seasons worth of trying. Here's a hint: Give the ball to King James and everyone else get out of the way and try to get offensive boards. Outside of the super-intriguing Turiaf/Noah battle, it should be interesting to see how Miami attempts to handle Hot Deng. LeBron, Wade, Battier, or play a "Box and 1" on Kyle Korver when he checks in.

While the Celtics are playing the best ball of anyone in the East right now this is still a potential Eastern Conference finals preview, so start popping that popcorn (which, apparently, is full of antioxidants these days, who knew?) and enjoy another episode of the LeBron James featuring Dwayne Wade vs. the Chicago Bulls show.

One Game We Won't Watch Tonight: Golden State Warriors vs. Dallas Mavericks

Two individuals, who you might remember from their time dabbling in No Regard had a Facebook exchange about the Dallas Mavericks a few months back. Mugsy2Manute made this status one fateful afternoon:

"Dallas Mavericks = Most unimpressive reigning champs of all time."

Here's is (resident MFFL) Endless Pat's response:

*Warning, explicit.*

"Listen you feckless snob - there's a lot of shit going on this season, not the least of which is an aging championship team falling behind the curve of dealing with this schedule. No one is more frustrated than me with their performance, but your smug, low-hanging-fruit-pickery, is not accomplishing much but making you look like a pair of shorn balls. I'd also like to take this opportunity to point out that one of our teams is paying Tyson Chandler Dirk money and the other is paying it to well, Dirk."

Just thought everyone who reads this website should know that this dialogue took place.

Who'd You Get?!: Don Nelson, Fleer (1991)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.

Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

 Back of the card after the jump.

No Regard Mixtape: Jeremy Lin

On February whatever, against the Nets, Jeremy Lin took the red pill and escaped from the 2010 Summer League YouTube highlight reel that had imprisoned him for the past 18 months. In his first two weeks of running the Knicks squad, he played event basketball. He birthed cults, slayed dragons, sold organic radishes at farmer’s markets, won a bunch of games… and became a bit of a crush around the No Regard water-cooler.

We've had our eye on him for a minute now, but like you, we didn’t really know. We didn’t know that he had enough granite and grace in him to twerk his way to the hoop, almost at will, and take or avoid contact as he sees fit. We didn’t know that he could unpack defensive schemes and pry open passing lanes like a literature grad student dismantling Toni Morrison novels. We didn’t know he had a jump shot sturdy enough to keep defenses honest, preventing him from developing the type of agoraphobia that plagues Rondo. We didn’t know he had the bravado of Sam Cassell, tempered by a humble devotion to Christianity and D’Antoni’s system (RIP). Simply put, we’ve learned a lot about the guy.

And we keep learning. With D'Antoni's departure, Melo's return to whatever angry fans were clamoring him to return to, and gravity's insistence, Lin fell back down to walk among the other peasant point guards of the league. It's crystal clear that he was dropped into the perfect confluence of events and that this ready-to-cook goulash—Amar'e and Melo's absence, a string of easy opponents, D'Antoni's point guard-serenading system—was more responsible for his initial success than many are willing to admit. But hasn’t fate been dictating love for years? Haven’t the cosmos controlled how ardor manifests since day one?

Lin may be done for the season, but we’re far from losing our interest. Attraction is fueled in part by mystery, and there are still myriad unanswered questions about Lin. Primarily: Now that the original wave of hype and hashtags has crested, what kind of player is going to wash up on the beach? Who is Jeremy Lin? Is he Flip Murray? Is he Steve Nash? Is he Ramon Sessions? Is he Mitch Richmond? Is he Jimmy Ray?

At this moment, we have no idea. And that's why we're so enamored. And that's why we made this mixtape for the guy. We just want to get to know him better.

A Rebel King with a Cause

In an election year during which the incumbent uses his basketball fandom to gain "everyman" status, it's hard not to think about politics with every pass of the ball, every shot through the hoop, every board ripped down from the glass. Sports are a part of our national fabric as much as, if not more than, debates, primaries, and straw polls.

Several weeks ago, I was pointed to an article about Harrison Barnes in The Atlantic titled "Moneyballer." It was sent by a friend, arguing—incorrectly, if you ask me—against college basketball players being paid, using Barnes' self-branding strategy as an example of how colleges offer enough opportunity already. One nod to Barnes' generally infuriating self-branding decisions particularly got my goat. You've probably heard others complain about it:

Although he founded a Bible-study group in high school and paid particularly close attention when he met Barack Obama before a game aboard a U.S. aircraft carrier earlier this season, he’s reluctant to discuss either experience. “Anytime you want to get into religious or political views,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “that can instantly polarize people.” (In this he seems also to be following in the footsteps of Jordan, who, when asked why he wouldn’t endorse Harvey Gantt in a Senate race against Jesse Helms two decades ago, reportedly answered, “Republicans buy sneakers, too.”)

I railed against Barnes for days, cursed the evilness of MJ's legacy, and lamented the lack of personalized, political passion in the world of athletics—at least from the most meaningful members of that world. But a week and a half ago, a link to a photo you've probably seen by now showed up on my timeline and made me realize that, just maybe, there's been a one-man rebellion growing right under our noses.