NBA Middle Names: Rajon Rondo

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

Rajon Pierre Rondo

Don't Worry About the NBA Draft Lottery Or Anything Else

Yesterday’s annual rash of irrational optimism, unwarranted entitlement, and unreasonable faith in good luck charms has given way to unadulterated ecstasy, forced rationalization, and utter disappointment. Yeah, the NBA Draft Lottery causes excessive verbosity. So it goes.

It also cause fans, media, and team front offices to lose their grasp on reality. Fans stack their team’s past tragedies against those of other teams to argue that their team “deserves” a higher pick. Nope. No one deserves anything. Media members bicker about what every team’s front office should/shouldn’t do with picks that they don’t have yet. Front offices send various good luck charms to represent them in the lottery even though good luck isn’t a thing that exists. Simply put, there is hardly any reason to discuss the draft lottery before it happens because it’s random. It’s a quite literal lottery. But humans seem conditioned to obsess over things we can’t control, thus the outpouring of words leading up to yesterday’s ping pong ball fiesta.

Now that the draft order has been determined, teams in need can start their off-season activities in earnest. So now, the obsessing shifts to how teams should use the picks they’ve cemented to fortify their future. But once again, what’s the point? You can’t control this. Plus, you (whether you’re a fan, professional writer, NBA insider, whomever) don’t really know what a team should do because the actual draft is almost as much of a crapshoot as the lottery.

In fact, the success of pretty much every NBA front office decision is ultimately left up to chance, right? There are a million variables plus injuries. If you’re one of the very few people involved in the decision-making, all you can do is make educated guesses and weigh out risk accordingly. And if you’re not involved (which, chances are, you’re not) just relax. Stop worrying because that's not fun and sports are supposed to be fun. This is especially true if you’re a fan of one particular team. Don’t worry about who your team should pick. Don’t worry about who your team should trade for. Don’t worry about who your team could have gotten if they had kept a draft pick. Don’t worry about who your team could have drafted instead. Don’t worry about anything because you can’t control this, it doesn’t really matter that much, and life is short.

Most of all, if you can't help but worry, at least don’t be angry. Don’t hate anything about the NBA. It’s useless and unbecoming. Try watching basketball games instead. They are fun.

No Regard Previews: Think Happy Thoughts

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics

Sure, the Heat thoroughly dominated the Celtics in game one. LeBron looked like the best basketball player of all time (which he is). And Ray Allen missing free throws on the reg is a definite sign that the world is indeed coming to an end in 2012. All these things are true, I get it. 

But you know what else is true? Kevin Garnett is back and better than ever. You better believe he has this on his mind headed into tonight:



So you can have your D-Wades, Mike Millers, Ronny Turiafs, Shane Battiers, Super Nintendo Chalmerses, and any other clown that puts on a tank top that says "Heat" on the front of it, Miami fans. I will take my chances with an angry KG, injured Walter Ray Allen, tired Paul Pierce, inconsistent Rondo, and a Goron of a head coach in Doc Rivers.

Celtics 100, Heat 98. You heard it here first folks. 

Another Game We Will Watch Tonight: USA vs. Brazil

You can have your worldwide superstar named Neymar, Brazil. I will take my deadly, bald center-midfielder Michael Bradley any day.

USA 3, Brazil 1. 

Fan optimism and irrationality for life, folks.

Who'd You Get?!: Bill Laimbeer, Skybox (1990)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.

Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

 Back of the card after the jump.

The 2012 Playoffs, So Far...

It is almost Memorial Day Weekend on this planet we call Earth in this country we call America. That means it is time to fire up the grill, get those hot chips* cooking, and prepare for the NBA playoffs to get super serial. 

But before we can dish on the future, it's always important to remember how we have arrived at this point. As such, here is my entirely accurate and totally factual summary of every important detail regarding the playoffs so far.     

No Regard Previews: The Wonder

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Miami Heat vs. Indiana Pacers

A thing happens if and only if that thing happens. If not, then it doesn't happen.

This Miami Heat team may very well generate the most discussion of any sports team ever. They also render any and all pre- or post-game analysis pretty much moot. Their high-tempo, turnover-to-fast-break style of basketball (perfectly branded the "flying death machine" by basketball writer Matt Moore) either works or it doesn't. When it works, they win. When it doesn't, they lose. This is mostly true for any NBA team with a strong identity, but with the Heat, it's gospel. When they power bomb passing lanes and turn long rebounds into breakaway dunks, they're unbeatable. When it doesn't work, everyone talks about breaking up the gang. Whether or not this happens, though, doesn't seem grounded in any sort of recognizable pattern. It kind of just happens or doesn't. There's not really any way to know beforehand if the Heat will unsheathe their fire-blade on any given night. Do I think they will tonight? I do. But what do I (or you) know?

I know it's a little more complicated than I'm making it out to be, but it's also kind of not.

One Game We Probably Won't Watch Tonight: Los Angeles Kings vs. Phoenix Coyotes

Can you believe that's how you pronounce/spell "coyotes"? That's way off. We weren't even close on that one.

Who'd You Get?!: Hakeem Olajuwon, SkyBox Emotion (1995)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.


Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

Playoff Predictions: Oklahoma City vs. Los Angeles!

We brought in a ringer for our Playoff previews. He's a new writer that you'll be seeing more of around here. He calls himself  The Crow and has been obsessed with predicting sports outcomes since middle school. If you're betting, take his advice. If he asks you to join his fantasy league, don't—you won't have a chance.

I can't remember the last time the Lakers were an underdog in a playoff series, but that's exactly what they are against the Oklahoma City Thunder. Not just an underdog: a big underdog—and for good reason. Oklahoma City is younger, has a better roster, and has home court. Do the Lakers have a chance? Sure, I think they do. Do I think they will play to their potential for four games? No way. Simply put, they are way too inconsistent to hang with the Thunder, who bring it every night. I don't want to see it end this way for this Lakers squad I've come to like, but I don't see any way this team, as currently constructed, comes back intact next year.

The Thunder are a brutal matchup for the aging Lakers. That's not to say I'm not interested in the story lines the series offers. Every hoops fan is excited to watch Metta World Peace receive the loudest chorus of boos since, well, his return to the Palace in Detroit. Then you have the passing of the torch of premier scorer from Kobe Bryant to Kevin Durant. You've also got Kendrick Perkins—who many thought was the main reason Kobe and Co. got their last championship after his ACL injury prior to game seven—getting a chance at redemption.

Oh: And you have long time Laker guard Derek Fisher getting a chance to knock off his old team. No big deal. (That is, of course, if he gets to see the court.)

I'm curious to see if the Lakers allow the bigs to be the primary options like they did in the deciding game against Denver. My guess is Kobe will try to include them until Bynum takes a lazy jumper and then gets beat to a rebound by the ultra-athletic Serge Ibaka. I also fully anticipate Pau Gasol playing his usual soft ball, which is sure to drive Kobe into the me-against-the-world mentality that will not get it done.

In the end, expect Russell Westbrook to be the difference in the series. He should be able to penetrate at will, which is the biggest weakness of the Lakers. I want to say the Lakers will make it competitive, and they may if they can steal one early in OKC, but the smart money is on the Thunder going up 2-0 before heading out west. From there it will be another fold job in LA and the Thunder should advance with ease.

Oklahoma City in 5

Playoff Predictions: Miami vs. Indiana!

We brought in a ringer for our Playoff previews. He's a new writer that you'll be seeing more of around here. He calls himself  The Crow and has been obsessed with predicting sports outcomes since middle school. If you're betting, take his advice. If he asks you to join his fantasy league, don't—you won't have a chance.

The Indiana Pacers are a better team than the New York Knicks—you just don't know it because you haven't seen them play. The Pacers have spent the majority of their season floundering in obscurity. Even in the hoop-crazy Midwest, the Pacers ranked near the bottom in attendance. So what gives?

Playoff Predictions: Boston vs. Philadelphia!

We brought in a ringer for our Playoff previews. He's a new writer that you'll be seeing more of around here. He calls himself  The Crow and has been obsessed with predicting sports outcomes since middle school. If you're betting, take his advice. If he asks you to join his fantasy league, don't—you won't have a chance.

You can't help but feel bad for the Chicago faithful as this is not what they were expecting with the best record in the NBA. But after losing Derrick Rose late in game one, the doubt certainly had to creep in. Losing Noah was the final blow to a team I knew would get picked off sooner rather than later. They are a team built to generate regular season wins, not necessarily championships. But the beat goes on—congratulations to the Sixers for earning a chance to play the surging Celtics! You win! But...

No Regard Previews: Is The Future Anything?

One Game We Will Watch Tonight: Los Angeles Lakers vs. Denver Nuggets

Face it: You're going to try to explain JaVale McGee to your kids one day. Sorry. It's not going to be easy, but most things in life worth doing are hard. His game five performance will be a crucial part of your presentation, seeing as that game was the realization of everything promised, but rarely delivered, by that seven-foot six-inch wingspan.



Then he hurled the game ball into the stands three seconds after Craig Sager told him to hold onto it. It was a great moment because Sager was kind of a jerk to him in the interview ("You've had a rather uneventful career in Washington..."), but also because it ensured that we'll never lose Pierre McGee, even as JaVale hopefully blossoms. You'll probably include that video in your presentation, too.

"Then, in game six," you'll next explain to your now-enthralled child... But we don't know what you'll say next. Hopefully, you'll be able to say that JaVale continued his progress towards his first All-Star Game. But it's just as likely that you'll simply pull up an embarrassing GIF (like this one) and begin wrapping up your presentation. Regardless, tonight's game seems like a pretty crucial block in JaVale's narrative, so how could we not watch?

One Game We Probably Won't Watch Tonight: Philadelphia 76ers vs. Chicago Bulls

(photo via @cjzero)

There are enough things that bum us out in this world. No need to tune into another.

No Regard Recaps: Ain't Over 'Til It Ain't Over

One Game We Watched Last Night: Atlanta Hawks vs. Boston Celtics

Hawks: 87, Celtics: 86

Al Horford and his freshly healed pectoral muscle is starting to become a real thorn in the side of the Boston Celtics. Horford's emotional return is more than just fluff, in fact, as it was his big body that prevented Rondo from getting up a potential game-winning shot on the final play.

Speaking of Rondo, I love that he shoots threes now. You know who else made a three last night? Kevin Garnett!
 
                  

You know who can't shoot threes? Ryan Hollins. But he can provide some serious energy minutes off the bench. Boy, that guy loves being out there on the basketball court in a Celtics uniform.

What else, what else? Oh yeah, how come Walter Ray Allen misses foul shots now? Not okay.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Orlando Magic vs. Indiana Pacers

Magic: 87, Pacers: 105

This was probably Stan Van's last game as head coach of the Orlando Magic. Or it wasn't, we'll never know. So even though we didn't watch, we did make sure to tune into his post-game presser because that's where SVG shines magnificent. He didn't disappoint. As one reporter introduced the premise that this past season was tough for Van Gundy both on and off the court, SVG interrupted. He said that wasn't true, that the past year has been good for him off the court because his wife likes him most of the time.

Goodnight Stan.

NBA Middle Names: JaVale McGee

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

JaVale Lindy McGee

No Regard Recaps: Absence of Any Etiquette

One Game We Watched Last Night: Miami Heat vs. New York Knicks

Heat: 87, Knicks: 70

At the 7:38 mark in the first quarter of game three, the Heat sent a courtesy email to the New York Knicks. The subject line read, "Thanks so much!!!" The body said this:



Seriously: Going up for a dunk, then tossing an alley-oop over the newly crowned Defensive Player of the Year during a playoff game is disrespectful. Wonderfully, delightfully disrespectful. I'll drop more words on this topic when I emerge from the fog, but I'm rooting for the Heat and you should be too. Well, I guess I don't know you, so I shouldn't tell you what to do. But there are so many reasons to want to see this team succeed.

One Game We Sort Of Watched Last Night, But You Know, It Got Out Of Hand: Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Dallas Mavericks

Thunder: 95, Mavericks: 79

That picture right there isn't from last night. But I want to talk about that black-hatted man in the background. What's he up to? It's disconcerting how Durant doesn't even look like he knows that guy is lurking, right? I just worry that it's some harbinger of darkness. More specifically, I'm worried that that guy is going make KD tear his ACL because all anyone seems to do these days is tear their ACL. C'mon athletes, get creative!

Oh, and yeah, they're just a lot better.

No Regard Recaps: Tebow Time!

One Game We Watched Last Night: Atlanta Hawks vs. Boston Celtics

Celtics: 87 Hawks: 80

This victory proved the perfect example of how quickly momentum can shift in an NBA playoff serious. (This is a new thing we're trying: Calling a hotly contested, gravely important series a "serious." Let us know if you like/don't it!) Prior to tip, the Cs were down and out, missing Rondo, Ray Ray, and facing a potential 2-0 deficit headed back to New England. Now, thanks to tenacious defense and a vintage Paul Pierce performance, the Green and White are primed to take down the Hawks in a short series. 

Avery Bradley continued his giant strides as a professional by providing stellar ball pressure on Jeffrey Demarco, particularly in the fourth quarter. When needed most, he competently handled the offense and found open shooters. As for The Truth, well it's clear that Boston's all-time leading scorer was on a mission—almost as if to say, "I used to win playoff series without any teammates before, you know?"  Even more importantly, he put a stamp on the game after wetting some clutch fourth quarter buckets and Tebowing. This celebration was definitely the most critical decision he's made all season.

Larry Drew and court general J. Demarco will look to rally the troops in the coming days before they head north for game three. They need to find a way to more consistently unlock Beantown's stifling defense. They also might want to consider Tebowing themselves so we can really heat this thing up. Just sayin'. 

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Chicago Bulls vs. Philadelphia 76ers

Bulls: 92 Sixers: 109

It's hard to stomach this series with D-Rose sidelined by a horrible knee injury. I definitely watched the first half, though, so while Chicago may struggle to score in later rounds without last season's MVP, they should be fine to get past Philly, right? I mean, I did not catch the second half, but surely their huge lead was enough to silence the haters and critics who suggest the Bulls have no shot at a title without Rose, right? They had a decent record in the regular season when he was MIA! They are built on crashing the boards and defending, Rose won't be missed here! 

Sorry? Hmm? Oh really?

Sigh... this is awkward now.

Who'd You Get?!: John Starks, Fleer Ultra (1997)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.

Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

 Back of the card after the jump.