Who'd You Get?!: Patrick Ewing, Topps Stadium Club (1994)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.

Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

 Back of the card after the jump.

There's A #Wordaapp For That

Is Nate Robinson back? Equivocally, yes! After disappearing with the OKC Thunder last season, Nate's found a new home in the Bay Area. Where, of course, "We're not gonna accept mediocrity, we're not gonna accept not getting it done on the floor." Nate has reaped the benefits of Mark Jackson's coaching. He's averaging just about 11 points and 5 assists per game this season.

To celebrate Nate's comeback (although he'd prefer you don't call it a comeback), No Regard takes a look back at some of the best moments in Nate's storied career.

No Regard Recap: We Did It!

One Game We Watched Last Night: Boston Celtics vs. Orlando Magic

Celtics: 87, Magic: 56

In previewing this game, I practically dropped to my hands and knees and begged the Boston Celtics to create a video tribute honoring Big Baby's time as a Celtic. My favorite team's video department came through! The video was short, but it is the best video of all time.



The game itself was strange. The Cs were without established film actor Ray Allen and established commercial actor Rajon Rondo. Seemingly undermanned, the Celtics entrusted their point and shooting guard duties to Avery Bradley and Sasha Pavlovic respectively. They did not disappoint. Neither did Brandon "Big-Mouth Billy" Bass or Paul Pierce, who each dropped 19 in the victory. Pierce was as fit as he has been all season, playing the role of both facilitator and scorer.

Orlando's offensive was, simply stated, completely inept and only scored a scant 56 points. In his return, Big Baby shot 2-9 from the field, but was able to nab a respectable 11 rebounds. As a team, the Magic shot 26% from the field and could only manage 20 second half points. It was an ugly affair.

The story of the night, though, was of course the video tribute. It significantly over-shadowed the game. It was much celebrated by Glen Davis, the Magic (despite an abysmal performance), the Celtics and the entire NBA community.

One Game We Did Not Watch Last Night: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

Mavs: 93, Suns: 87

#FREESTEVENASH!

No Regard Preview: Video Tributes For Life

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Boston Celtics vs. Orlando Magic

The best part about players returning to their former teams' home arenas for the first time is trying to determine if the organization prepared a video tribute for the ex-whoever or not. Recently, when the Celtics welcomed back Perkins, they did so with this fantastic montage. It was emotional, awesome and super dope, all wrapped up into a video tribute. The Lakers gave Odom one as well.

Orlando is at Boston tonight, which means Big Baby is back in TD Bank North Garden. As such, I sit here nervously pondering if Glen will get the same respect and treatment as Perk. If it were up to me, I'd give every player a video tribute every night. Derrick Favors back in Newark? You bet your ass video tribute. Mr. Candace Parker back in Atlanta (dropped 5.5 a game as a rookie, a career high), Sacramento, Minnesota, Boston or New York? Video tribute, all day, please.

Sure, Perkins and Davis had significantly different careers with the Celtics. Perk was around from '03-'11, was a critical rebounder and defender, and bolstered a physical frontline that helped the team win a title. Conversely, Baby played from '07-'11, came off the bench, was inconsistent throughout and took a serious nosedive in terms of production towards the end of last season. On the plus side, he hit a game winner against Orlando in the playoffs and then accidentally barrelled over a young Orlando fan, he let Nate Robinson climb on his back and he was always hustling and taking charges.

Those reasons seem good enough for me: I expect a video tribute tonight and will turn off the TV if I do not get one.

One Game We May Or May Not Watch: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns


Right, Nash has played a bunch of games in Dallas since leaving the Mavericks in 2004, but they should really consider trotting out a video tribute for him tonight. They should put one together each time he comes back to Dallas. And actually, the Mavs should also throw up a video tribute to Dirk before every game, too. And the Suns should do that for Nash also. OK: Before every single game Nash or Dirk plays in, the arena should fire up a video tribute. Because they are the best. Just look at them up there.

Who'd You Get?!: Dikembe Mutombo, Fleer Ultra (1996)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.

Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

 Back of the card after the jump.

No Regard Previews: The Good Ol' Days

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Miami Heat vs. San Antonio Spurs

About five years ago, LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers bested the bullies of the East, the Pistons, and earned themselves a spot in the finals to play against the juggernaut that was the Tim Duncan-led San Antonio Spurs. Today, LeBron James and the Miami Heat host the San Antonio Spurs, a team that sports some of the same pieces it did when they swept the the King's Cavs in convincing fashion many moons ago.

With Wade out due to an ankle injury, this Heat team is not so different than that '06-'07 Cleveland team. Yes, Bosh is an upgrade from Big Z and Coach Spo is significantly more interested in trading for Fruit Roll-Ups at lunchtime than Mike Brown ever was, but the similarities exist. Is Super Nintendo Chalmers not Boobie Gibson 2.0? Does Andy V. not possess some of the glue-guy type qualities that makes Udonis Haslem so valuable? And I like to pretend that Scott Pollard and Juwan Howard can somehow be compared.

Regardless, the point is that without Wade, LeBron is playing the role of quarterback, wide-receiver and running back once again. Back in that first finals season, LBJ averaged 27 points, nearly 7 rebounds and 6 assists per game. This campaign, some of which has been sans older-bro Dwayne, the King's numbers are even sicker: 29.5, 8.2, and 7.4 per game, respectively.

Do not get me wrong: No one is a bigger fan of the fact that LeBron went on television for an hour to tell the world that he was going to play basketball with his friends. But part of me misses the good old days when he was the Cleveland Cavaliers. Every game was the LeBron show and the deeper they got in the playoffs, the more intriguing it was to see if he could carry Erik Snow and Drew Gooden to glory.

Tonight, when the Spurs invade Miami, I'll get slight a reminder of what it was like watching the '06-'07 LeBron Jameses. And I always enjoy a good one-man band.


One Game We Probably Won't Watch Tonight (Even Though We'd Kind Of Like To): Houston Rockets vs. Detroit Pistons

We are not shy when it comes to sharing our undying love for Larry Frank. And for some odd reason, we have taken a similar liking to the concept of Kevin McHale coaching in the NBA. The motivation for the former is pretty simple and we have a solid understanding of it: He was top dog with the Nets and had relative success, is one of the biggest basketball nerds in the world, originates from New Jersey and reminds us of ourselves when we were in 6th grade (doing our best to turn a bunch of stale Fritos into a decent PB&J). The latter obsession is not as clear cut to us. We thought McHale was a decent analyst on TNT, but his hiring as the Rockets head coach freakishly fascinates and amuses us. I honestly can't figure it out why, but it's the truth and I think it probably says something about how we view the NBA. (And the simple fact may be that we view the NBA like a bunch of idiots, but that's our bull to lasso, not yours.)

This game pits some pretty dysfunctional offensive clubs against one another in what probably won't be the most entertaining game of the season. But since one of my resolutions for 2012 was to try and view situations positively, perhaps Luis Scola will drop 50 points and Larry Frank will get ejected for charging the court in the 4th quarter.

Also, we're obsessed with Scola, too, but we know why. We watched him a ton that one summer wheel and deal for Argentina and were beyond impressed. He's brimming with game from head to toe and if he did not play for the Rockets he would compete to be an All-Star every year. That and the hair. It's mostly the hair.

NBA Middle Names: DeAndre Jordan

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names? 

Hyland DeAndre Jordan Jr.

If You See Something, Say Something: Giraffes, Secret Gardens and Petro's Game

IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

LeBron James is Not Taller Than a Giraffe: After recently purchasing a stake in the historic English football club Liverpool, LeBron James headed across the pond to check out his investment in person. This video details the highlights of the King's trip, which includes meeting Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard and attending a Manchester United-Liverpool match. Skip ahead to the end of the spot to "Small Talk" in which LeBron is grilled by a group of English kids. Questions like, "LeBron, shouldn't your first name be James?" and "LeBron, have you always been tall?" keep the Miami Heat superstar on his toes. LBJ does confirm that he is in fact, not taller than a giraffe.

Our Favorite Canadian's Secret: Here's another neat video worth watching! This NBA.com player profile takes a peak into Steve Nash's lifestyle, specifically his work ethic, diet and fitness regime. While Thunder Dan Majerle believes Steve's success comes from his insatiable desire to be the best, Channing Frye has his own theory: He hypothesizes that Nash has a "secret garden of magical fruits and vegetables" that has kept him fit late into his 30s. I tend to agree with Frye.

Jay-Z's Value to the Brooklyn Nets: The New Jersey Nets are struggling and Jay-Z just became a new father. But as the Nets continue to prepare for their move across two rivers, the entertainment mogul won't let either of these variables affect his strong influence over almost all the decisions being made by the franchise. From providing opinions on jersey colors to weighing in on architectural design questions, it's clear that Hova is more concerned about the Nets going 0-82 than he lets on.

Johan Petro's Fascinating Story: We leave you with Johan Petro's website, http://www.johanpetro27.com. Not wanting to give away too many of the treasures this Internet goldmine contains, here's how Petro's game is described in the biography section: "When you describe the prototypical NBA center, he is not complete without superlative size, strength and athleticism. He'll fight for rebounds in the trenches, but is just as quick to burn you with a shot from 15 feet. Johan Petro possesses all these skills and more, and bears all the promise of fulfilling his vast potential." That pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about Petro's game. Wait, I'm sorry, I forgot who we're talking about.

Who's Got My Miracle?

Monday's visit from the Hawks is pretty much exhibit A of what I will miss next year when the Nets leave New Jersey for Blue Ivy's billion-dollar nursery. I'm not talking about five-point losses that are much less contested than the final score indicates (though the team will hopefully improve next season). I'm also not referring to coach Avery Johnson's infuriating rotations. (It's borderline indefensible to play only eight guys in a drubbing when two guys who played zero minutes—Sundiata Gaines and DeShawn Stevenson—bring exactly the type of defensive Four Loko that last night's party desperately needed.)

I am instead talking about the ridiculous ease with which one can attend an NBA game in New Jersey right now.

Who'd You Get?!: Terrell Brandon, NBA Hoops (1997)

We at No Regard used to collect basketball cards. Convincing a parent to shuttle us and our friends to the local collector's shop was a consistently important victory. When we found out KMart was selling entire boxes for $20, we almost wore out our bike tires pedaling back and forth.

Now we've unearthed the cache, and the results are stunning. We've been reminded that players named Dino Radja and Wesley Person briefly and forcefully carved out steady roles for themselves in the league. We've been straight tickled by the goofy casual pics. And we've been touched and inspired by the relentless optimism of the copywriters. We hope you enjoy this odd time capsule, a Utopian angle from which to view the league, where everyone is the next somebody and context is pointless.

 Back of the card after the jump.

No Regard Recap: Parsons The New School for Dunks

One Game We Watched Last Night: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Houston Rockets

Clippers: 117, Rockets: 89

Notching what was undoubtedly their most impressive performance in the CP3 era, the Clippers were piping hot in a dominating victory against the Kevin McHale led Rockets. Sparked by a 41 point first quarter, Lob City was on full display as Blake and company spent the majority of the evening with their genitals far above the rim. When we heard that Chris Paul had been traded to the Clippers we were tickled, mainly because it gave them another player on their roster with two first names, but also because of that whole alley-oop business. Last night, we got what we came for.

As for the Rockets, the bright note is Chandler Parsons. The rookie from Florida tallied 8 boards, 11 points and one highlight dunk over Blake in a solid effort off the bench. NBA you have been warned, Chandler Parsons is a bad man.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

Mavericks: 98, Suns: 89

Considering Dirk played in his 1,000th career NBA game and Nash scored his 10,000 NBA point, it seems pretty rude that neither posted anything on twitter about where they ended up after the game. All we got from Steve was, "Tough loss. Great to have @DA_Finster in the building! Hope he gets on a team soon. Need a win Friday planet orange!!" And absolutely nothing from Nowitzki. Really ridiculous. We don't throw around the words "selfish" and "fake" very often on this Website, but seriously guys? Not even an, "Out with Steve after our win, should be interesting," from @swish41? What good is 2012 if you can't find out via the Internet where people you've never meet before, yet are oddly obsessed with, are drinking liquor?

No Regard Preview: Coach McHale!

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Los Angeles Clippers vs. Houston Rockets

I forgot that Kevin McHale is a coach in the NBA. There's just a lot going on, you know? He coaches the Houston Rockets! He has many assistant coaches working for him, some of which include strength-and-conditioning coach Darryl Eto (who went to Arizona University) and assistant trainer Jason Biles (who attended North Florida). Coach McHale has players he coaches every day that have to listen to him! Players like long-haired Argentinian Luis Scola and efficient scorer Kevin Martin are required to pay attention to Kevin when he's breaking down some new breed of offensive strategy. The former TNT commentator, Minnesota GM and Boston Celtic walks into the arena for practice and the janitors say, "Hey Coach," and Kevin McHale smiles and gives a big wave back. He's proud of himself. And we are, too.

As for the Clippers? Lob City baby!!

One Game We Won't Watch Tonight: Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns

The truth is that we might watch this, but by watch this we mean we'll have the game on and we'll be texting the entire time debating over where Steve Nash and Dirk will be going after the game and how many drinks they'll be having. Then we'll ponder what type of drinks: beer, shots, whiskey, tequila? Then we'll dive into if they ordered steak or not and determine that Steve probably did not; he is a healthy eater. Then we'll remind ourselves that Dirk loves pizza so we'll settle on that.

NBA Middle Names: Marshon Brooks

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names? 

Marshon Scitif Brooks

If You See Something, Say Something: Sociology, Salad and Rubio's Vision

IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

"Oh Back to School, Back to School:" While Kobe was in Germany, Artest changing his name and Durant making amazing commercials, Steph Curry was cracking the books back at Davidson College. Hoping to gain enough credits and earn his sociology degree, Curry was also spotted at basketball practice playing the role of Seth Curry on the scout team. This might be the best article in the history of journalism when its all said and done. So thanks Jonathan Abrams. 

Cuban Blasts League, Shocks No One: Mark Cuban yells a lot about a lot of different things. Most recently he's yelling because the NBA did not schedule his Mavericks a trip to DC to play the Wizards. Cuban feels that the game should have coincided with the champion's traditional visit to the White House stating, "How can you be that stupid? All you've got to do when your putting in the scheduling software say Dallas at Washington, yes." Tell us how you really feel, Mark.

Wade Dislikes Salad: D-Wade is happy to eat a chicken or turkey breast for his post-game meal, but don't expect the Miami Heat superstar to be tickled at the idea of putting back healthy greens. An interesting look into the health habits of professional athletes, Freeman notes that Wade loses about five pounds a game, something most Americans wish they could do in a month.

Rubio Nutmegs Dirk: If you haven't seen Rubio's clever bounce-pass—which splits Dirk's legs and assists on an important three-pointer—then you haven't lived. And if you have seen it, click it again because it's something special.

No Regard Recap: Ever Since The Weigh In, I Knew He Was Petro

One Game We Watched Last Night: Indiana Pacers vs. New Jersey Nets

Pacers: 108, Nets: 94

No one will believe me, but there was a 60-second stretch last night when Johan Petro made three positive plays in a row. Honestly. This happened. I rewound the DVR four times to make sure. In the second quarter, the Pacers secured a defensive rebound and got an outlet pass to Louis Amundson. Petro, trailing, changed his path, cut off Amundson from behind and blocked the layup attempt. I swear. On the following trip back down the court, he parked himself at the right elbow, caught a pass, squared his shoulders and made a jumper. This is true. The Pacers then got the ball down to the other end, someone missed a shot and Petro (I swear) got the rebound. This is all true. (But I will admit, I just checked the box score again to make sure he recorded at least one rebound. He did.) He then made a few boneheaded plays that forced Avery to yank him, but I mean, when you play with woefully uncoordinated French fire, you're going to get burned.

Oh, also, Mr. Candace Parker played great, despite the 1-9 shooting. Really, he played very good defense.

Another also: Free Jordan Farmar.

One Game We Didn't Watch Last Night: Milwaukee Bucks vs. Denver Nuggets





Bucks: 86, Nuggets: 91

No Regard Preview: Work To Be Done

One Game We Will Definitely Watch Tonight: Indiana Pacers vs. New Jersey Nets

You know how going to work is the worst? How even if you have a pretty alright job, going to work in the morning is the worst? So does Deron Williams. He has to go to work every day and pass the ball to Johan Petro, who is bad at catching basketballs.

So you know what? Johan Petro also probably hates going to work because he's very under-qualified for the job he's been hired to do, and his work day is televised.

In fact, right now all the Nets look like they hate going to work. I don't blame them, it's been awful for us fans as well. But tonight we're all going back. I hope there's at least a birthday today so I get a cupcake.


One Game We Probably Won't Watch Tonight: Milwaukee Bucks vs. Denver Nuggets

I would love to watch this game. Love to. But I'm just trying to be honest here. A holiday week was an odd time for the season to start. Family commitments, friend commitments and drinking commitments have prevented me from watching many games other than my Netsies. So as much as I'd love to check in on the Brandon Jennings-Stephen Jackson Tower of Terror (and seriously, I can't wait to see what this looks like), I just don't have enough eyeballs.

Tonight I need to check in on Greg Monroe and Jonas Jerebko as they try and not let Dwight grab every rebound ever made. I need to watch Mike D'Antoni drool over the most Mike D'Antoni player ever in Andrea Bargnani. I need to be reminded that Ricky Rubio is real. I need to see if the Mavs are ready to prove how important the second win of a season can be. I need to learn what Enes Kanter looks like. I need to find out what new vaccine LeBron and Wade have invented for tonight. Heck, I even feel compelled to see what new way the Washington Wizards have found to waste talent.

There's just too much I haven't seen yet in this young season to spend any time peeping Nene and Bogut bump into each other. And that's after I watch the Nets lose another one.

No Regard 2011-2012 Season Previews: Western Conference

The 2011-2012 NBA season has started. Since we're just as confused as you are as to how this squished and truncated season is going to play out, we won't try our hand at stats or scouting reports, but instead stick with what we know: the Proust Questionnaire and oddly prescient "Calvin and Hobbes" strips. Find out which teams make the playoffs, which teams are lottery bound, and which players are best equipped to hold the conch—all after the jump!

1. Oklahoma City Thunder

Projected Record: 56-10

Calvin and Hobbes Comic Strip:

Player We'd Give the Conch Shell to in the Locker Room: Kevin Durant

Headline We'll Be Sick Of Reading: "Thunder Win Despite Durant-Westbrook Spat"

Headline We Are Most Rooting For: "Harden Wins Sixth Man Award, Embraces Metapod Nickname"

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?: "Seriously Russell, you can slow down on the Cheetos, you'll have plenty of time up here to enjoy those things."