Game 7 Preview: One to Ring

Here we are, a few hours away from the end of the 2009-2010 NBA season. What to say, what to say? How about I let Ron Artest explain the particulars [from J.A. Andande's ESPN piece]:

"We're the last two teams left in a Game 7," Artest said. "It's amazing."

It's the first seventh game in the NBA Finals since the San Antonio Spurs beat the Detroit Pistons in 2005.

"Really?" Artest said. "Seven? The Pistons? To Game 7? That was probably pretty intense. Was it in San Antonio?"

What exactly does Ron Artest know? Nevermind.

I guess the stale question is this: How did we get here? I honestly don't know. The regular season ended so long ago I don't actually remember anything from it other than what other writers say happened. But while what goes down in the regular season doesn't always carry into the playoffs, what happens in the playoffs most certainly carries into the following regular season. But does it extend further than that? Does one game change legacies?

If You See Something, Say Something: Finals Game 7 Preview

Photo: Marcel Mutoni

Marcel Mutoni's Twitpics: Amazing, amazing pictures from press day at the Staples Center. Like Pau taking an escalator. Or Rondo's slippers (up top).

Rajon Rondo Twitter: Getting excited...

TrueHoop: Phil Jackson makes his players meditate before games. It's like he read a biography of himself and thought, "I wonder how Phil Jackson would prepare his players for big games... Oh, mediation. I'm a caricature of myself." Interesting read nonetheless.

Slam Online: A slew of rambunctious quotes from the players. Can't decide if Artest or Baby wins here. Baby: “We were the prey (in Game 6), and they ate us real bad.” Artest: “I don’t notice the crowd. Definitely not when I’m out there playing.”

Charles Oakley Twitter: Oak speaks that Carl Weathers. Admittedly, this one isn't about game 7. Can't win them all.

Question of the Day

What are the chances of this man winning the 2010 Finals MVP? Seriously. They're not zero, right?

League Changes Playoff Format, Finals Game 7 to be a Beer Pong Tournament

Thursday, June 17 - In a shocking break from precedent, the NBA announced late Wednesday that they would be changing the format of their playoff system effective immediately. With just one game remaining to decide the 2009-2010 League Champion, the questions were many. At a press conference late last night, Commissioner David Stern tried to assuage frantic members of the media:

"We have been discussing the need for a change in the format of playoff basketball for quite some time now and we feel that there is no better time to implement it than now."

The uproar was immediate, but Stern persisted. "Look, we've figured out that the game is just way too difficult to officiate. The players get too intense and it ends up being a situation where nobody's having fun, and the losing team gets really bummed out. We've figured out a way for everyone to win. Plus, we're tired of everyone getting mad at us."

When asked if this decision was related to the frequency of the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers competing in the Finals, Stern was vague. "My interest in this series has been lackluster. One of our summer interns actually proposed the idea for the change, and it sounded fun to see this settled differently this year."

Speculation is rampant given the drastic nature of these changes. Starting lineups are up in the air as coaches scramble to assess players' ability and tolerance for alcohol. Rumors from the Celtics camp are beginning to surface, and it is heavily suspected that Brian Scalabrine will be relied upon as the Boston's primary scoring option. Glen "Big Baby" Davis, exposed recently as a drool liability, may be declared inactive due to health concerns. Rajon Rondo, allegedly uninterested in recreational drinking, has asked Doc Rivers if he may be excused from competition to practice behind-the-back passes.

When asked some hard-hitting questions regarding the integrity of professional basketball and the league's youth-friendly image, Stern was ornery. "Listen pal, why don't we just wait and see how this goes." The commissioner then tried to go off the record to allege that he was "Pretty buzzed right now."

Tonight will be a different game. How will it go? Who will win? Will a new Finals MVP emerge? Post your comments below.

Question of the Day

Does Tom Izzo's decision to stay at MSU actually reveal anything about LeBron's likely plans?

Finals Game 6: Candace Parker

Opportunity knocked for the Celtic's in game 6.

Candace Parker's husband and his first touch of the game answered.

Want to sum up a potential banner winning Tuesday for Boston in one highlight? Watch Candace Parker's husband brick a wide-open dunk late in the 2nd quarter right after he checked in.

Trying to figure out the countless missed lay-ups, dunks, gimmes and jumpers by the Cs? Remember that Candace Parker's husband clanged a dunk in which no Laker was near him right after Perkins went down.

Discussing Kobe's performance? Was Kobe. Pau? Hit left-handed shots. Artest? Didn't punch a human being. Bynum? Did stuff.

Looking for a prediction for game 7? No clue. Take Candace Parker over Candace Parker's husband in a pick-up game? Yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UCHxxjLnN4

If You See Something, Say Something

[Photo: Andrew Mills/The Star-Ledger]

IYSSSS is our semi-regular Internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

Star-Ledger Photo Gallery (via NetsDaily): Why not just let these two guys have a crack at that oil spill?

Yahoo Sports (via Slam): No matter how negotiations for a new Collective Bargaining Agreement pan out, it's clear that this is going to get a whole lot messier before anything is resolved.

FreeDarko: The most talented NBA writer on the most talented NBA player playing basketball in June 2010. This piece is the equivalent of Kobe going off in that third quarter.

"I had a major breakthrough: Physically, Rondo isn't an alien, or a dinosaur. He's an alien-dinosaur. Or, as Kevin corrected, a dinosaur-alien. Alien-dinosaur would just be a space lizard; dinosaur-alien is creature from other realms overlaid with the qualities of a raptor. This is the first of several times I will repeat this statement: This is no physical being like Rondo. Yes, his arms are long, his speed beyond speech. But there's also his wiry strength, his internal gyroscope (at its best when spooling along with a bit of wobble), those impossibly broad shoulders, calculating gaze, and a face too smooth and empty for this town.

We are nearly arrived at the point of actual basketball. There's a pause here, a beat, and then no turning back. Here's what astounds me most about Rajon Rondo: He is pure style, with an almost nasty disregard for formalism."

Steve Nash YouTube Video: From itsrhymetime: "I love that Steve Nash is 36 years old and yet he still loves making short films with the fervor of a teenager. This commercial, along with his Avatar spoof, make me wonder if Alvin Gentry is instituting the league's first mandatory film history course."

Another Steve Nash YouTube Video: We'll double dip. Steve Nash plays a douchey version of himself who berates Robin Lopez for missing passes and not being as awesome as Steve Nash. He also wears inexplicably tight jeans and forces his crotch in Fropez's face the entire time. The title: Balls Talk.

Finals Game 5: Kobe Searches for Missing Teammates

Rondo's rebounding is just confusing Pau Gasol now. As he reached over top the Spaniard in the fourth to poke in a putback with his ET fingers, Pau looked around as if a sudden gust of wind had played a mean trick on him. You may be surprised to learn that Rondo's hands, and I looked this up, are 48 inches long. Each. Also his ball fakes are like porn. But dirtier.

Game 5 was a return to the dictatorial reign of Rondo over the pace of the game. Nate Robinson brought his signature brand of terrier ball with moments of selflessness that were atypical and, frankly, touching. Almost nothing about L.A. looked even remotely awake.

Astonishingly enough, it stayed close and more than a little fun to watch. This is almost solely due to the mythological performance of the Mamba, who reminded us that every once in a while, he forgets how to miss. The craziest thing about watching him raise up and hit impossible shot after impossible shot is that you start registering surprise when he does miss. "What happened there?" You think. "Oh yes, there was a guard in his face and a forward inside of him when he shot."

I'll leave you to look forward to Game 6 with a few free association thoughts I had while watching the game:

-Phil Jackson refuses to follow Kobe's orders: "Let me guard him" re: Pierce. Relatively certain that Phil will backhand him after the game with a 5-ringed hand to remind him who's Sith lord and who's the apprentice. Then he'll make him kiss all five rings on the other hand.

Headline from tomorrow - Phil Jackson puts the Lakers' bench up for bidding on eBay. Opening bid: $6 or best offer.

-Flopfest 2010, Headliner: Derek Fisher. Also don't miss hot new acts like Ron Artest with his hit single "Pushed by a 90-pound Point Guard: Forget Physics."

-Tony Allen just blocked Pau Gasol into the backboard. No joke here, that actually just happened.

-If I see one more sports writer use the phrase "The Truth will set you free," I'm buying a gun.