Question of the Day

Last night's Monday Night Football contest was notable to the staff here only because it matched up the two sweetheart teams of the two best players in the NBA: LeBron and Durant. And thanks to Twitter, we found out the two gentlemen wagered on the game. Unfortunately, they didn't disclose the terms publicly. The only hint we have is one cryptic, gloating tweet from James: "I'll be expecting my package on my doorstep in the a.m @KDTrey5. Thank u sir. Nice doing business with u. Haa."

It's been bothering us all day: What the hell is in that package?

NBA Middle Names: Metta World Peace!

We at No Regard spend a lot of time in our NBA knitting circles trying to figure out the human side of these players. Whether it's musing about their commutes to work, how much "Call of Duty" they play, or what their favorite snack food is, we like to remind ourselves that NBA players are nothing more than young men with enviable jobs. What better way to humanize our heroes than look up their middle names?

Metta World Peace!

NBA Lockout Player Placement Services: DeMarcus Cousins

With the lockout here, and here to stay, we have the sad prospect of no NBA games for quite some time. Instead of dwelling on the politics, finance and bullshit that's all conspired to strip our favorite league from us, we've decided to look on the bright side. New careers for our beloved NBA superstars! And what better place to look for these new ventures than Craigslist, a Website where wacky jobs are numerous and sometimes even real. Since they've already given us so much, we've taken the initiative to try and help these unemployed athletes find a new calling.

Craigslist Posting

9/13/2011, Sacramento, CA, Solar Installer

"Seeking residential solar installer to work with established company. Position is based in Sacramento but territory covers all of northern California. Ideally candidate will have some solar experience or experience in traditional trades. Job requires a lot of travel. Candidate must be willing to stay out of town for most of the week. Duties will include but not limited to the following: Installing residential grid-tied photo-voltaic systems under supervision of lead installer. Organizing shop and assisting with shop duties when needed including receiving new shipments. Must have a good work ethic and able to stay on task until the job is done."

Why He Should Apply


Picture the following scenario for a hot minute: You're a California resident inspired by the nation's recent surge into the solar movement. You want to do your part to help prevent the earth from crumbling at the cruel hands of human-created global warming. So you decide to order solar panels for your house. It's a strong move. You feel good about it.

The next week the delivery truck pulls up, and who hops out? Yeah, DeMarcus Cousins, the feisty power forward on your favorite NBA team, the Sacramento Kings. Does he know what "grid-tied photo voltaic systems" are? Maybe not, but neither do you, right? So relax. Does he have a "good work ethic and can stay on task until a job is done"? you best your ass he can, Mr./Mrs. solar panel purchaser.

What He Should Wear to the Interview

Obviously.

Question of the Day

Today's question of the day requires a bit of history.

Much in the same way that the No Regard editorial staff is unreasonably obsessed with certain oddball NBA players (e.g. Jeff Teague, Marcin Gortat, Steph Curry), we are similarly tickled with certain characters throughout the NFL, MLB and MLS. (For the NHL, our interest pretty much begins and ends with Marty Brodeur). Former U.S. Men's national team goal-keeper and current Seattle Sounders captain, Kasey Keller (or, as we prefer to call him, Uncle Kasey) is one of those men. This weekend, he had one of the more hilarious own goals in the history of soccer, and one of the more incredible and awkward moments we've witnessed in some time.




Taking in this highlight brought me back to a seriously wonky situation during the Rasheed Wallace Era in Boston. Remember those days? Me too, sort of.




So, herein lies the question of the day. Which of these moments brings you more joy?

If You See Something, Say Something: Twins, Canadian Footy and Bald Kings

IYSSSS is our semi-regular internet intelligence report, a liberal arts approach to following the NBA on the Web. E-mail us at jewsforjesusshuttlesworth@gmail.com if you've got any suggestions.

Gasols Everywhere!: I won't lie and suggest that I've been avidly following the European Championships or whatever they're called. However, I was seriously tickled when I saw that the Gasol brothers were up to some serious twin shenanigans the other night and combined for 43 points in the second half to take down the Dirk-led German side. Rumor has it that next game they might switch jerseys!

Nash on the Pitch: Steve Nash recently practiced with the MLS' Vancouver Whitecaps, of which he is a part owner. The Canadian stated afterwards that he is by no means ready to become an MLSer. Terrible attitude from Nash, but at least he's getting out there and working at it. One day, maybe... A guy can dream, right?

Labor Talks Increase: I guess I am slightly encouraged by the recent surge in negotiations between the players and owners, but I'm equally angered by the fact that they haven't simply locked themselves in a room with no food and minimal water until this mess is resolved.

Brandon Jennings Disses the King: Does it get any better than Twitter? No, it does not. After LBJ commented on the Maryland University football uniforms (brought to you by Under Armour), Brandon Jennings responded by taking a jab at LeBron's forever-receding hairline. See, Jennings is taking his gig as Under Armour's “Curator of Cool” seriously.

A Frank Conversation: Breakfast With the Franks

Ever since the Nets hired Larry Frank as their full-time head coach, the Teaneck native has burrowed a special place in the hearts of the No Regard editorial staff. Be it his passion for hoops, his boyish looks and demeanor, or the fact that he has two first names, whatever the reason, simply stated, we heart Larry Frank. This undying passion is the motivation behind our new feature: A Frank Conversation, where we look at a hypothetical conversation in the life of the legend, Lawrence Frank.

Breakfast at the Franks:
(Larry Frank is eating pancakes with syrup and is drinking a tall glass of OJ. Susan Frank, Larry's wife, is preparing school lunches for the Frank's two daughters, and Larry. Larry is scribbling notes.)

Larry: Susan, question for you!

Susan: Yes, Larry?

Larry: What sort of offense does the coach of our daughters' basketball team run?

Susan: They don't play basketball.

Larry: Well, I don't have time to find out for sure, but I really hope that isn't true! Susan, question!

Susan: Yes, Larry?

Larry: I can't wait to work with Rodney Stucky on his post-up game.

Susan: That isn't a question, Larry.

Larry: ...

Susan: Do you want the pizza Lunchables today or the ham and cheese?

Larry: Don't care, Susan. I'm busy right now.

Susan: Okay, pizza it is.

Larry: Susan!

Susan: Yes, Larry?

Larry: Good pancakes today, Susan. Thank you.

Susan: You're welcome, Larry.

(The Frank children walk down the stairs, preparing for school)

Larry: Girls, pop quiz! Who's the best point guard currently playing in the NBA?

Daughter #1: Chris Paul?

Larry: Nope! Rodney Stuckey, once I work on his pick-and-pop decision-making.

Daughter #2: Okay Dad.

Larry: Girls! Have a good day, listen to your teacher, and work on your left hand!

Daughter #1: We don't play basketball, Dad.

Larry: Girls! Please don't break Daddy's heart. Susan?

Susan: Yes, Larry.

Larry: Good OJ this morning...

Susan: Thank you, Larry.

Question of the Day

What do you think Evan Turner has planned for Labor Day weekend?