NBA Lockout Player Placement Services: Jeffrey Demarco Teague

With the lockout here, and here to stay, we have the sad prospect of no NBA games for quite some time. Instead of dwelling on the politics, finance and bullshit that's all conspired to strip our favorite league from us, we've decided to look on the bright side. New careers for our beloved NBA superstars! And what better place to look for these new ventures than Craigslist, a Website where wacky jobs are numerous and sometimes even real. Since they've already given us so much, we've taken the initiative to try and help these unemployed athletes find a new calling.

Craigslist Posting
 7/6/11, Atlanta, GA: Legal Secretary  

"Experienced Legal Secretary needed for growing law firm downtown. Must be extremely detailed, organized, flexible and must be able to hit the ground running. This position may require light billing. Ideal candidate will have a strong background in Insurance Defense. Must have experience with E-filing, Word, Outlook, Excel. Excellent benefits, location and salary."

Why He Should Apply


Jeffery Demarco Teague spent two years at the storied Wake Forest University. Since then, Teague's been known to hit the ground running, has a strong background in defense and knows how to play a position better than most.

The up-and-coming superstar is more than extremely detailed, organized and flexible.

He'll take the excellent benefits, location and salary, thank you very much. And we're not sure about his experience with E-filing, Word, Outlook, Excel, nor do we know if he has ever spent time working in a law office, or knows anything about law at all. So don't expect much as far as that gibberish is concerned.

What He Should Wear To The Interview

Yes, bring the jersey and hat along with the slick jacket and shirt combination. You're Jeff Teague, goddammit, a Legal Secretary.